How do you get your fairly independent love one to give up driving?

I'd go find his car in the parking lot and remove the spark plugs if this were my father.

Wow, that police officer didn’t do him any favors by letting him off the hook. I am with you, I would rather see your dad get a ticket.

Oh my gosh, I don’t park in a handicap zone and I pull over immediately when I hear sirens. A person’s life depends upon getting them to the hospital in time.

I am sorry that you are dealing with this situation. It is frightening to think about your dad being hurt and him causing others to be hurt or worse, die!

The last time I said that when people hit a certain age they should be required to take a driving test I was accused of ageism! I don’t care what anyone accuses me of I still believe that people should be tested annually or maybe more frequently!

I wonder how that same police officer would feel if he was called to the scene of an accident involving your father and the driver of the other car was killed. That police officer did not do your dad any favors by not giving him a ticket. Very irresponsible of him. Maybe show your dad a bunch of articles about senior drivers who have killed people because they refused to stop driving. Would that change his mind? I don't know. Maybe, maybe not.

My father was a truck driver for nearly 50 years. So, I knew that taking his keys or his vehicles would be a tremendous battle. Instead of taking the keys or the vehicles or disabling them in any way, I purchased identical keys but did not have them electronically programmed to work the cars (both vehicles are fairly new and the keys not only have to be cut correctly, but also must be programed - in the alternative you could just have the keys cut wrong so they will not work). I then swapped out the keys when he was not looking. He has 24-7 care so if he ever wants/needs to go somewhere, we take him. Since we always drive him, he rarely tries to drive. Nevertheless, there have been several times when he is having an "episode" (the nicest name I can think for those occasions) that he decides he is "going home" (he lives at home), going to work (he has not worked in 20 years), or "I am getting out of this place", and he has tried to drive. Of course the keys do not work and he eventually gives up and within a short time he has forgotten. Swapping out the keys allowed him, in his mind, to keep his independence, while still assuring that he did not drive and endanger himself and others. Just as an aside, I swapped the keys over three years ago. Over the course of those years, he has gotten to the point that he doesn't even remember the keys and we just did not return them to him after he "lost" them one time.

His keys need to get "lost." Your dad ran a stop sign and could have been killed. He could have killed an innocent child, or a family, or hit a bus. You already know that dad shouldn't be driving anymore, so quit trying to convince. It's time to demand.

Methinks you've always deferred to dad, but this is different. Are you afraid he'll get mad at you? Cut you out of the will? Please examine the reason that in your mind, it's not okay for you to demand something that's for his own safety and that of others.

My BIL was killed at age 49 by a drunk driver. BIL left four children and a young wife. Life was never the same for any of us. Needless to say, I have no patience with those who drive impaired or those who allow them to do it when they know it could mean injury or death for people who didn't deserve it.

I knew someone age 68 who had a stroke. His medical team said he was ready to drive again after months of rehab. Unfortunately, he had troubling attending to his left side, the side affected by the stroke. Couple of hairy near-hits when he pulled out in front of people passing him in left lane. One incident was that he turned onto a road from a restaurant parking lot and then took both hands off the steering wheel, one to adjust the rearview mirror and one to get his sunglasses from the dashboard. Wife grabbed wheel and disaster was averted.

He refused to stop driving, so wife told rehab people about his shortcomings, and they recommended a driving test, but I don't think it was with the county DMV. It was with someone from the same rehab facility in a different county, I think. Anyway, not what you'd usually expect.

He passed the test, who knows how. His scary driving continued. Wife said that the examiner evidently didn't see what she saw when she and spouse were out together. Then husband started drinking from containers in the car while driving. She refused to ride in the car with him, and riding in separate cars went on for 15 months, which was when she had enough money saved to leave him.

There can be all sorts of reasons why a person's driving skills deteriorate. Refusing to believe mom or dad has dementia "enough to keep her from driving" is common. Apparently even those who work with rehabbed patients don't even know when they become too disabled to drive! A friend of mine, age 97 at the time, renewed her driver's license a few years ago, and the DMV didn't even test her vision. I see drivers who shouldn't be driving in my over-55 community. Lots of people complain about them, but nothing is done. Eventually they run into someone else or a building, such as happened four months ago here. Right through the plate-glass window of a store.

Anyone who EVER spots bad driving in ANYONE has the obligation to report it to an agency that will do something - not just their kids, who don't have the heart to just STOP THEM. (Because our sweet Poppy deserves to drive and ruin someone else's life.)

Every night my GFs ALZ Dad would put his keys and wallet in his pants pockets, fold the pants up and put them over the back of his chair. Her parents did kot share a room anymore because he was up at 5am in the morning. This one morning he goes into his wifes bedroom and says he can't find his pants. She looks everywhere, cabinets, stove, microwave, ect. No pants. She tells him this means he cannot drive anymore, no keys, no license and he agrees. A woman at Church if she had checked undervhis mattress. Mrs Svsaid that she makes his bed. Woman says, way under his mattress...and there the pants were. Mrs S took the wallet and keys and hid them in her room. By this time, Mr. S had excepted he no longer could drive. She sold his car and bought herself one.

This is not an easy situation to be in. We reported my FIL to the DMV which took 5 weeks for them to send him a letter requiring retesting. They gave him 3 months in which to comply. He waited to the last possible minute to take the test. Our state allows 5 (yep, 5) tries to pass the test before they suspend his license for 1 year or permanently revoke it. He will be 93 in September. He has failed 4 times. His license is currently suspended, and he has a learner's permit. His 5th try is on April 2. We removed the license plate from his car. Until we did that, we caught him driving alone anyway. He has stopped speaking to us and has convinced the neighbors to take him for his 4th and 5th tests. So, we won't know the outcome unless one of them develops a conscience. They are all elderly and feel sorry for him. He bought himself an electric scooter and scoots to the grocery store, pharmacy, and ALF where his wife lives in a memory care unit. This is not safe for anyone, but he thinks there is a conspiracy theory at work here against old people driving. BTW, the event that caused us to take action was finding him "asleep" on his couch with the car running in his closed attached garage.

Here is a late San Francisco article I want to share that is an example of an unsafe driver that happened one week ago.

She is 78 years old and speeded an SUV into a bus shelter that killed three of a young family of four; a second baby died from severe injuries just days afterwards. Very sad. This family was waiting for public transportation to visit the S.F. zoo and never made it. S.F. mayor is addressing safety on our roads.

West Portal victims: 2-year-old baby, parents killed in San Francisco West Portal bus stop crash identified - ABC7 San Francisco (abc7news.com)

The Medical Examiner's office on Tuesday identified the victims as Diego Cardoso de Oliveira, 40, and Matilde Ramos Pinto, 38. Their 1-year-old child, Joaquin Ramos Pinto de Oliveira, was also identified.
INTERACTIVE: Take a look at the ABC7 Neighborhood Safety Tracker
The crash happened Saturday when the woman crashed an SUV into a bus shelter on Ulloa Street.
A 78-year-old woman was arrested for the crash on suspicion of vehicular manslaughter and reckless driving. She has not yet been formally charged.

Please help unsafe drivers stay off the road and use alternative transportation instead.

I handled it with my husband as follows:
1. His primary care doctor is board certified in geriatric medicine. All of her patients receive a basic cognitive screening, vision, 6 minute walk, hearing, etc. at their annual physical. If the patient shows deficits, they are referred to the appropriate specialist(s) for resolution. She also discussed the effects of aging on driving skill.
2. My husband was referred to audiology for hearing aids, neurology for cognitive impairment, and occupational therapy for a driving assessment.
3. His neurologist told him he cannot drive. However, he subsequently passed his driving assessment which also has a cognitive component.
4. Once a doctor tells a patient they cannot drive, insurance will not cover it if they get into an accident. My husband is very rational so he stopped driving when the neurologist told him he shouldn't .
5. But since he passed his driving assessment, he agreed he would only drive to the supermarket and golf course.
6. When we lived in California where there is mandatory reporting of unsafe driving by healthcare professionals, he was reported to the DMV. He passed.

Before the CA DMV and his healthcare team got involved, his friends, family, and adult children called him out on his poor driving habits for years to no avail. Once the DMV and healthcare professionals got invilved and he stood to permanently lose his license, he became very motivated. He took driving lessons to prepare for the CA DMV road test.

The key is to involve his doctor and if he was in fact reported to the DMV, he will receive a notice for a medical review. It is a buracratic process but fair. You can support him by teaching him how to use ride share, checking out other forms of transportation for seniors, etc.