So my husband was in a nursing home and they allowed him to acquire a bone infection. The next nursing home had an outbreak of Covid and didn’t protect him let alone treat him at all. It’s been bad he fell out of bed and I wasn’t notified. I'd visit and he would be significantly worse so I’d mention it but no one would listen. To make a very long story short one day he was moved to the dementia/psychiatric ward and he really rapidly declined to the point that I was called and told he was being transferred to the hospital. Immediately I knew this had to be bad because they NEVER contacted me before. Then the hospital called me and asked me to come right away because they weren’t sure he’d make it thru the night and so off I went. I met the doctor who spent a total of maybe 5 minutes with me. I explained to her that I have mental health issues enough so that I’m on disability from the government. I collect SSD. That this was really hard for me. She foo fooed me in a placating manner and I sat watching my husband twitch and groan and not know I was there at all or if he did he know I brought zero comfort. Let me insert here that I am terrified to a phobic level of death. I didn’t even go to my own mothers funeral because it would have been too hard on me. So I stayed with my husband for 3.5ish hours. Getting home around 1-1:30am and fell into bed about an hour later. I woke up at 5:30am - nightmares and was up until 7 but then the neighbors dog started barking and freakin out my dogs at 9:30. Now I call the office at my apartment complex because this has been a recurring issue, and then the hospital calls and wants me back ASAP. I don’t think I can!!! I feel badly but my husband and I spoke about this years ago when mom passed that he didn’t want me to put myself thru any undo torture but I feel terrible not being there too. My sister is giving me crap saying I NEED to do this. I’m afraid HIS sister won’t understand. I KNOW the hospital won’t either. What on earth do I do? What do I say to get them to understand we knew this was how it should play out? How do I handle losing my best friend and watching him go thru what I can only describe as torture onto him? I don’t have a very strong faith component in my belief system so that’s just scaring me even more. I feel like I’m losing it, I’m gonna tip right off the edge of sanity!! HELP! Sorry this was so long as marbled but it’s how my mind is working.
Is husband on hospice? They might be a source of great comfort to you both.
(((Hugs))).