I’m caring for my boyfriend’s 91 yr old mother whose blind and has dementia. I’m full time and have even moved in to her home. I am a business owner and have shut down to be her caregiver. Compensation has NOT been mentioned and I’m feeling resentful and taken advantage of. How do I bring up the topic of $?
If too much in assets, you could be paid to spend that down so she qualifies for Medicaid.
If you mean by full-time 24/7, you "are" being taken advantage of. And I bet its felt that your room and board are payment. By law, its not. Even a live-in only works 40 hrs a week with time and a half for anything over 40 hrs. They get time off. They are employees, not self-employed. Room and board is a perk. A live-in does not pay rent and gets paid at least minimum wage. Check with ur labor board on your State laws.
So now this arrangement is not working. Do you have the means to move out? If so, give notice. If not, you now need to negotiate payment. BF cannot expect you to have no money. Save that money and then move out.
I am just curious so you do not need to respond. You can respond privately if u want. I will assume if the mother is 91 you are approx 60? Why after building a business, you give it up to take care of this woman? How long have you been with this boyfriend that you felt you would give up everything for him at your age. Are you old enough to collect SS? You can at 62 but receive about 75%. If a widow you can at 60. If you worked till 67 (100%) your SS would have been higher. Now, you are getting nothing towards your SS.
Before I married my DH he was remodeling a home. I helped him do nothing, for one thing I had a 3 yr old and worked, and no talk of marriage was mentioned. (He was waiting until after the remodel)
I had a friend who her and BF had talked about marriage. She worked during the week but traveled 2 hrs every weekend to help him with the remodel on the house he owned they were going to live in. When the remodel was almost complete, he broke off with her. She was in her late 50s.
If you feel ur being used, you probably are. Re-evaluate this relationship. Please update on how things went. We learn from others.
Are you able to restart your business if you are told to go pound sand?
If you are pushed off, disregarded and not given an employment contract immediately, you should give your 2 weeks notice and move on. People will take everything you give and then some. Protect yourself starting now.
I have to say, I love your little town. Except you all are freezing right now but, the spring and fall are fabulous and all the delicious fruits and veggies in that region in mid summer are worth a trip. And the chocolate factory in Weiser has the best candy in America.
I hope this works out for you.
Whatever reasons involved, do know that on Forum we only see folks who do things like this end up broke, homeless and without a job history; most end up in shelters.
Time to tell your boyfriend that you cannot do this, and tell him the date you will be moving out; give him at least a month to get care in place or arrange placement.
Why on earth did you agree to do this? When did this happen? How long have you had this BF? (And why doesn't HE quit HIS job and move into her home to take care of her?)
I'm guessing that this was an emergency situation and you "stepped up". Quite admirable.
Who is your client's power of attorney, or is she competent and able to make her own financial decisions?
Identify first who holds the financial reins. Sit down with them and tell them that you need either to get back to being a business woman or you need fair compensation for the job. Check with local caregiving sites about the "going rate".
Do not accept "you're living here for free" or an aghast "but you're family".
Do not accept cash under the table: you need a legal caregiver contract with taxes taken out. This is for her protection from Medicaid lookbacks as well as for your SS credits.