I've been caring for my mom for about three years now and I've sacrificed a lot. There is absolutely no joy in my life, and it has hurt my relationship with my fiancé, and I never see her anymore because of this rut and the depression that comes along with it all.
We don't have much family. No one is here to help me and my sister lives on the opposite coast. I'm in desperation mode but the only motivation I must get up in the morning is the fear of losing my job, which is becoming less and less of a fear.
My mother depends on me tremendously. She doesn't have friends of her own and I don't either. I'm finding no ambition to take the first step to get help because I'm defeated by the time, I get home and it all seems so confusing and daunting (the process). What do I do when I can't do anymore? Are there people who help with these things?
I will only add that I cared for my mom in my home for far too long. I loved my mother but I truly regret sacrificing my life for her.
Don’t repeat my mistake. It’s not worth it. You deserve to live your own life.
Best wishes to you. If you truly wish to marry your fiancé. Make it happen!
My dad employed them for my mom for years. She didn’t have many friends. He always hired ones that were compatible with her and liked to do the same things she did. They had fun.
Your mother has health issues as well and will need more care. But for now, a companion might work well.
Do you live with your Mother?
Does your Mother live with you?
You tell us in your profile that you are middle aged; how old is your Mother?
Does your fiancee live with you or alone? How long have you been engaged? Do you plan to have children? Do you and your fiancee both have jobs?
You say you came as an immigrant from Poland when you were young; is your mother now a citizen?
Have you discussed any of this with your Mother as to her being too dependent on you?
Does your mother have dementia or other physical disabilities that make her very dependent upon you?
Have you and Fiancee looked into pre-marital counseling as to how you will hand this issue moving forward?
For now I would suggest that the three of you attend counseling with a Licensed Social Worker in private practice who will facilitate your being honest with one another. I think the problem here may be that no one is talking with anyone else here about the real feelings and about the future.
Sure do wish you the best.
I am caring for my mother Grace, who is 71 years old, living in my home with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, arthritis, and osteoporosis.
About Me
I'm middle age, sensitive, religious, and an immigrant to this country. I was born in Poland and we came together when I was five years old. I've lost all sense of myself and am seeking help so very desperately.
Welcome Adam and I'm sorry for the predicament you find yourself in. Of course there is help for your depression from your doctor, so please take the first important step by calling his or her office for an appointment.
Your mother suffers from dementia at only 71 years old, lives in your home, and that means you have a lot on your plate with a full time job and all that caregiving to boot. It's normally too much for one person to manage, and we can't rely on friends or siblings to help us. Your mother can live another decade or 2 if she has Alzheimer's , so you have to make plans NOW to help yourself out of this dark place you're in.
First call the doc. Once you get on some anti depression meds, you'll to think clearly and see the forest thru the trees again. That's when you look into placement for mom in a Skilled Nursing Facility with Medicaid footing the bill. You marry your fiance and take your life back, becoming the visitor son to mom instead of the burned out and depressed caregiver.
Please call your doctor as a first step, and call an agency to bring in a caregiver to give you some respite so you can take your fiance out for a date night. You deserve a break.
Good luck to you.