With a previous history of treatment for depression, I would assume that she might be depressed again. Probably the deaths of her husband and sister in the last few years have precipitated her present depressive crisis. I would alert her mental health providers about patient's mood and behavior, so that they can address her current situation.
Laney, I appreciate your giving us more information in your response below my first comments. With your Mom's diabetes being so out of control, she truly is in a dangerous situation. You say she has no dementia, yet she is refusing to treat her diabetes. You tell us she has had treatment for her depression, but often refuses her medications. The ONLY thing I can suggest is that you, if you are her POA, speak to her mental health care team not only to tell them that she is non-compliant with medication for both her depression and her severe diabetes, but that she is refusing transport to the hospital. And suggest that she may be having a side effect to her medications, in that she is not better, but worse, and quite honestly almost suicidal. This falls under the severe depression and she may be 5150-ed for evaluation in a psyc unit. With true suicidal ideation it is quite honestly an emergency situation where psyc and psyc medications are concerned. Clearly current medications aren't working; sometimes they have an opposite effect to what they are for, and suicidal ideation is reportable at once to her MDs (Look up side effects of your Mom's antidepressants online). It is possible at this point that her medications are not helping her, but rather are HURTING her, if this is new depression. The only other option really is to know that Mom has made a decision that she doesn't really want to live anymore, and if someone decides that, there is so little you can do. You are engaged with her, but I would no longer argue with her. I would tell her you love her, you--as well as she--have dealt already with so much loss and you aren't sure what you can do with more if she leaves you. Let her know you have tried all you know and are powerless against her decision to disengage. The truth is that you ARE powerless in most of this. Life sometimes becomes too difficult. My own Dad in his 90s gently told me he was so "over it" and so longed for peace and the final rest. He was such a good man and had lived a long and happy life, but it was at that point too difficult. He tried to stay for my Mom, but he was exhausted with life and ready to go. I don't know what really is to be said when people reach this point. It isn't like one more week of boring TV and a NYT crossword puzzle is going to make it any better for them. I am so dreadully sorry and cannot imagine your grief and helplessness in this.
She has been treated for depression, take diabetes injections but just doesnt take it. I go there everyday to remind see her and I remind her to take it ask why she didnt and she just stares at me. She doesnt have dementia. She does take pills for incontence. She wont change regularly she will sit in her pee underware. She refuses to go to hospital her bloodsugar is over 399. Will not have any more test ran. She is just giving up and I dont know how to fix it. I am going to make sure she takes depression pill somehow. So maybe she will catch ahold of life after a few days. She wont go into an assisted living home. She wont leave her home and now she has ruined the couch again
after my experience with my mom, oh, the things I learned… Do get her to the doctor..(as suggested get the form signed at the doctors office for access to records etc..)
if she is refusing to take her meds, she knows .. this is intentional and probably won’t change. All the fussing and arguing is wasted breath. as your mom progresses things will get worse not better.
Get your ducks in a row .. regardless , you need this done if it’s in 6 months or 3 years from now…
make sure MPOA, DPOA , Living will, and a will is done.
I would start looking for an AL that also has a memory care, and will take Medicaid. Best if you do this while there is some money left to do the stint of self pay period before Medicaid. ( I wish I knew that, prior to moving my mom into an AL) I don’t know the money situation.. Google care advisors , find one in your area.. they get paid for the placement by the AL , not you..invaluable resource. I know you said she won’t leave her home, this step is in preparation for when she has to. Start by taking her on tours when the time comes…
in the meantime contact your county office of aged and disabilities. They will have guidance for you. Ask all the questions for planning down the road.
on Amazon you can buy washable pads for the couch / chairs / bed. I’m thankful I was proactive, I had a washable pad on my moms recliner, along with chux pads just in case … visiting hospice cna found my mom soaked to the gills , chair was fine !
Good luck, my mom was stubborn…oh, if your having to replace the couch , maybe a couple recliners instead…
If you are able to help get your mother to see a doctor, this would be the first step: an accurate diagnosis of what's going on. Like others have suggested, she needs to be assessed for depression *but* she could also have a UTI, which mimics dementia, or she could have cognitive impairment, or any combination of more than 1 problem. Accurate diagnosis is the beginning of helping her.
To get her to a doctor, it is totally acceptable to use a "therapeutic fib", such as: "Medicare now requires an annual physical". Then at this appointment, ask for the HIPAA "Medical Representative" form. Have your mom put your name as her MR and give it back to the check-in reps. This allows you to talk to her doctors without your mom needing to be present. Without this form (or being her MPoA) they cannot legally disclose her private medical info without her consent. Have her tested for a UTI, tell them about her depression, ask for a cognitive/memory test and try to stay with her during this entire appointment.
If she was married to her husband for more than 10 years, and his SS pension was more than hers (by a meaningful amount, not just $10), she can apply to receive his benefits instead of hers. Talk to your local SSA office for more information. She will need to provide a marriage license.
If you are disabled, do you have a social worker? I would also ask the county if there are any services to help you help your mother. Also contact your local area's Agency on Aging for information and resources that might be helpful. I wish you much success in getting the help you both need!
According to your profile, you are disabled......and trying to care for your mom who sounds like she's depressed and incontinent, but you give no other details; just a title with no other information.
Get your mother to the doctor for a full medical workup and treated for depression, if you think that's at the root of her issues.
If nothing comes of it, get mom placed in Assisted Living or Skilled Nursing with Medicaid if she has no funds to private pay. There she will get 3 hot meals a day, interaction with other seniors, activities to occupy her time and perhaps a better lifestyle than she's living now, alone at home. Doctors come into managed care facilities on a regular basis also, so she'll be seen and treated there weekly too. There is only so much YOU can do for her at home if she has 'given up'.
Was your Mother a happy woman before the loss of her husband and her daughter? Is this dementia? Is this depression? What medical assessment has been done? Do you speak with her about this, and what does she reply to you? I want to suggest there is help for this, but you have given us too little information. I hope you will tell us more.
She was a happy woman. They were married 48 yrs. She is 78 yrs young and can somewhat do things herself. She has been treated for depression, suppose to take diabetes injections but just doesnt take it. I go there everyday to see her and I remind her to take it I ask why she didnt and she just stares at me. She doesnt have dementia. She does take pills for incontence. She wont change regularly she will sit in her pee underware. She refuses to go to hospital her bloodsugar is over 399. Will not have any more test ran. She is just giving up and I dont know how to help her anymore. I am going to make sure she takes depression pill somehow. So maybe she will catch ahold of life after a few days. She says dont be mad at me and dont fuss at me. Hard to not say anything when the place smells like pee. I dont yell at her and I do treat her well. She wont go into an assisted living home. She wont leave her home. I even called an ambulance because she was so sick due to sugar being over 500. She refused to go and they told me they cant take her cause she answered questions correctly.
The ONLY thing I can suggest is that you, if you are her POA, speak to her mental health care team not only to tell them that she is non-compliant with medication for both her depression and her severe diabetes, but that she is refusing transport to the hospital. And suggest that she may be having a side effect to her medications, in that she is not better, but worse, and quite honestly almost suicidal. This falls under the severe depression and she may be 5150-ed for evaluation in a psyc unit. With true suicidal ideation it is quite honestly an emergency situation where psyc and psyc medications are concerned.
Clearly current medications aren't working; sometimes they have an opposite effect to what they are for, and suicidal ideation is reportable at once to her MDs (Look up side effects of your Mom's antidepressants online). It is possible at this point that her medications are not helping her, but rather are HURTING her, if this is new depression.
The only other option really is to know that Mom has made a decision that she doesn't really want to live anymore, and if someone decides that, there is so little you can do. You are engaged with her, but I would no longer argue with her. I would tell her you love her, you--as well as she--have dealt already with so much loss and you aren't sure what you can do with more if she leaves you. Let her know you have tried all you know and are powerless against her decision to disengage.
The truth is that you ARE powerless in most of this. Life sometimes becomes too difficult. My own Dad in his 90s gently told me he was so "over it" and so longed for peace and the final rest. He was such a good man and had lived a long and happy life, but it was at that point too difficult. He tried to stay for my Mom, but he was exhausted with life and ready to go. I don't know what really is to be said when people reach this point. It isn't like one more week of boring TV and a NYT crossword puzzle is going to make it any better for them.
I am so dreadully sorry and cannot imagine your grief and helplessness in this.
She has been treated for depression, take diabetes injections but just doesnt take it. I go there everyday to remind see her and I remind her to take it ask why she didnt and she just stares at me. She doesnt have dementia. She does take pills for incontence. She wont change regularly she will sit in her pee underware. She refuses to go to hospital her bloodsugar is over 399. Will not have any more test ran. She is just giving up and I dont know how to fix it. I am going to make sure she takes depression pill somehow. So maybe she will catch ahold of life after a few days. She wont go into an assisted living home. She wont leave her home and now she has ruined the couch again
after my experience with my mom, oh, the things I learned…
Do get her to the doctor..(as suggested get the form signed at the doctors office for access to records etc..)
if she is refusing to take her meds, she knows .. this is intentional and probably won’t change. All the fussing and arguing is wasted breath. as your mom progresses things will get worse not better.
Get your ducks in a row .. regardless , you need this done if it’s in 6 months or 3 years from now…
make sure MPOA, DPOA , Living will, and a will is done.
I would start looking for an AL that also has a memory care, and will take Medicaid. Best if you do this while there is some money left to do the stint of self pay period before Medicaid. ( I wish I knew that, prior to moving my mom into an AL) I don’t know the money situation.. Google care advisors , find one in your area.. they get paid for the placement by the AL , not you..invaluable resource. I know you said she won’t leave her home, this step is in preparation for when she has to. Start by taking her on tours when the time comes…
in the meantime contact your county office of aged and disabilities. They will have guidance for you. Ask all the questions for planning down the road.
on Amazon you can buy washable pads for the couch / chairs / bed.
I’m thankful I was proactive, I had a washable pad on my moms recliner, along with chux pads just in case … visiting hospice cna found my mom soaked to the gills , chair was fine !
Good luck, my mom was stubborn…oh, if your having to replace the couch , maybe a couple recliners instead…
To get her to a doctor, it is totally acceptable to use a "therapeutic fib", such as: "Medicare now requires an annual physical". Then at this appointment, ask for the HIPAA "Medical Representative" form. Have your mom put your name as her MR and give it back to the check-in reps. This allows you to talk to her doctors without your mom needing to be present. Without this form (or being her MPoA) they cannot legally disclose her private medical info without her consent. Have her tested for a UTI, tell them about her depression, ask for a cognitive/memory test and try to stay with her during this entire appointment.
If she was married to her husband for more than 10 years, and his SS pension was more than hers (by a meaningful amount, not just $10), she can apply to receive his benefits instead of hers. Talk to your local SSA office for more information. She will need to provide a marriage license.
If you are disabled, do you have a social worker? I would also ask the county if there are any services to help you help your mother. Also contact your local area's Agency on Aging for information and resources that might be helpful. I wish you much success in getting the help you both need!
Get your mother to the doctor for a full medical workup and treated for depression, if you think that's at the root of her issues.
If nothing comes of it, get mom placed in Assisted Living or Skilled Nursing with Medicaid if she has no funds to private pay. There she will get 3 hot meals a day, interaction with other seniors, activities to occupy her time and perhaps a better lifestyle than she's living now, alone at home. Doctors come into managed care facilities on a regular basis also, so she'll be seen and treated there weekly too. There is only so much YOU can do for her at home if she has 'given up'.
Best of luck.
Is this dementia?
Is this depression?
What medical assessment has been done?
Do you speak with her about this, and what does she reply to you?
I want to suggest there is help for this, but you have given us too little information. I hope you will tell us more.
She has been treated for depression, suppose to take diabetes injections but just doesnt take it. I go there everyday to see her and I remind her to take it I ask why she didnt and she just stares at me. She doesnt have dementia. She does take pills for incontence. She wont change regularly she will sit in her pee underware. She refuses to go to hospital her bloodsugar is over 399. Will not have any more test ran. She is just giving up and I dont know how to help her anymore. I am going to make sure she takes depression pill somehow. So maybe she will catch ahold of life after a few days. She says dont be mad at me and dont fuss at me. Hard to not say anything when the place smells like pee. I dont yell at her and I do treat her well. She wont go into an assisted living home. She wont leave her home. I even called an ambulance because she was so sick due to sugar being over 500. She refused to go and they told me they cant take her cause she answered questions correctly.