My mom has been sick for four months and I have moved in for two months to care for her. She had surgery and her muscles have pretty much died from being in bed with pain. She has started physical therapy but refuses to do the exercises on her own. She won't do them on the days the p t doesn't come. She wants me to wait on her hand and foot if I refuse she pouts and cries. She is very negative demanding and impatient I am to the point of resenting her and the guilt is overwhelming me.
If she won't cooperate in finding a place for herself by a certain date, then take her to the women's shelter.
You do need a united front. In later years my mother had plans/fantasies for me to move close to her, rent an apartment in her complex and look after her. This would have meant leaving my job, and my family here which she did not even consider. It is all about her and that is what a narcissist is like. They have no empathy for anyone else. That is why your mother is like she is. My mother was not formally diagnosed until she was 96 yrs old, so don't hold your breath. Just get on with doing what you have to for yourself and your family. Social Services in your town may be helpful if you tell them your story. I am not impressed with her doctor, though I know my mother could convince people for a short while that I was a no good daughter and she was a saint. What about your doctor?
If your mum ever has to go to hospital for anything, refuse to take her back - then they have too find a place for her. The may pressure you, but stay firm.
Some of us know, believe me and you have to get her out of your place. Never mind what her doctor says. She does not have to live with her. (((((((hugs))))))
You need to leave and go back home. She has a doctor who can help her figure it out.
Of course she does not like your husband. She sees him as competition for your attention and your having a baby bothers her because that's more competition, plus gives objective proof that you are not her little girl anymore. (This is making me feel very angry toward your mother in your behalf!)
Dam, I think I'd let the whole ____ doctor's office know your pregnant and happy about it! Could your husband go to the appointment as well? The doctor may not feel as free to intimidate him as the doctor is to intimidate you?
Here's an idea. Ask your doctor to contact your mother's doctor to inform them that you are pregnant and that continuing to have your mother in your house is not healthy for your pregnancy and practically speaking you will not be able to care for your mother as a new mother. Maybe one professional talking to another would help. Call your doctor about this in the morning about trying this approach?
People like this who have no limits set for them only becoming increasingly unbearable and usually no happier for it, ever. It is hard emotionally and rationally to have to be the adult in charge, but you have to be the adult in charge of making and sticking to these kinds of decisions. Loving and caring for someone does not mean doing everything they think you should do for them. It doesn't work in raising children, and it doesn't work in helping aging loved ones. And you don't need to feel guilty about not doing it.
I agree about using the resources of the hospital when she gets bad enough to require that. The hospital can not force you to take care of her and must find a place for her (temp or permanent) that meets her needs before discharging her.
We recently had visiting nurse and PT come to mom's during the winter of snow when she could not/would not go out. That was somewhat helpful and the PT person who came was great and mom actually did the exercises and continues to do them now that VNA has stopped. Medicare does cover this to prevent more ER and Hospitalizations...but doctor must order it.
The problem is how to stop once you have made the mistake of moving in on a temporary basis...(let me know when you figure this one out) like I did...
It is very difficult living life like this. I feel your pain Helpme!!
If she falls or can not get up...I call the FD and they come and get her up and assess her physical (and mental condition) before leaving or taking her to ER if required. I am not able to lift or help her up without risking my own poor health. Please do not risk injuring yourself!