He initially thought he won the big 8.5 million lotto, then he was conned into sending money to save the man's job. He was tested for dementia earlier this year and was clean but his behavior in regards to this scam has me concerned so I am in the midst of petitioning the courts to strip his rights and become ward. He was in the hospital and left in altered mental state but still did good on test. Will I be able to get guardianship on grounds that he is being exploited into gambling his money away?
Talk to his doctors about how to get this accomplished. He is not "sharp as a tack". He just talks a good game.
If HE doesn't care about his lack of ability to pay for lifesaving medication, should you care more than he does?
That's a serious question.
You need to sit him down and tell him that you will NOT be responsible for him if he loses all his money, that he will be a pauper and possibly become homeless if this continues. Put it in writing; get it notarized.
If he has a lawyer, take him to his lawyer and make a big deal of telling him in front of the lawyer that you are relinquishing your "obligations" as a dutiful child because of his addiction. Tell him that he will need to rely on his so-called "friends" to care for him because he will have no money for care.
I'm sorry that he's gotten caught up in this.
Please do NOT EVER give him money.
Ever.
Because you KNOW how it will be used if you give him any.
And the people who should do it are qualified attorneys. Doctors may have some knowledge, but estate planning is NOT their profession.
If the specific wording of this action is at fault, I apologize, but the concept of a doctor writing a letter to "fix" a will raises serious credibility issues.
A suggestion: When my mom was getting more confused using her computer email and getting tons of junk mail, I switched her to PawPaw Mail which is a service for elders (or anyone actually) that is very simple for them. The system required an administrator (me) with my own password. I set up all her current contacts and if anyone not on the contact list tried to email her, it would come to me instead, and I could approve it or not. She could still do all her other games etc, nothing looked different on the computer. This was solely for email and changed her addy from a TimeWarner address to a pawpaw mail one. This was a few years ago, there may be other providers like that now as well. Again you may have to get creative in execution.
"Its mainly his bank account, he just added me on the side just in case. I cant act without being guardian so ordered by the courts."
What does this mean? There are standard phrases for ownership of an account, but I've never heard of "on the side". Could you explain? This is something new to me.
"I cant act without being guardian so ordered by the courts". So, you HAVE tried through court action? What kind of action, and what kind of court order was entered? I'm curious; I'm not familiar with this action unless it was a denial of an attempt to get an order allowing you access or a rejection of some kind of petition you might have filed.
Was this at a Circuit Court level?
Also, take incremental steps in getting him to sign things that will give you more insight and power regarding his finances.
$30K!
Why oh WHY will he not listen to his own child or logic and reasoning?
I don't recall the site now but I read sometime ago that as people age they tend to become less active and interactive, but still have the desire to share with those who are less fortunate. I think this need is an important driver behind the vulnerability of people who do fall for these scams: they truly believe they're helping someone. And the scammers know and prey on this.
So perhaps you could focus on this and find a local charity, or activity, that would reward your father in feeling better about giving, of his time. Is he still mobile enough to, say help pack groceries for a food pantry? Visit animals and pet them, or read to them (yes, there is a program for people to read to therapy dogs)?
Or go to Senior Centers and interact with others, perhaps even just for meals? Could he help with projects - sorting donations for charity sales? Something that made him feel he's reaching out and helping others would be the goal.
What I tried to do was focus on only those charities I knew were good, had a "donation" time at which we sat down together and wrote checks to charities I had vetted, then went out for a meal afterward. I wanted to create feeling good with specific charities, and reinforcing that with time spent together, i.e., bonding after donating, to RECOGNIZED charities. Whether or not it would work for others....I don't know.
Not to diminish anyone else's suggestions, but personally I think you'd get better advice and action from law enforcement than from an elder law attorney, who really has no law enforcement authority whatsoever.
Search your state to see if you can find out if there are task forces addressing scams, at the Sheriff's, local police and State Police levels. I did learn that there was a SP task force in my state (several years ago), and contacted them. BlueFinSpirit has good suggestions on others to contact, specifically an Internet task force.
I don't know if it's possible, but the police could advise whether or not injunctive relief, such as a PPO (Personal Protection Order) could be issued, putting a stop to any further contact, but also creating another level of criminal liability for breach. If this can be applied to Internet contact, it could block the spammer, IF the wording included something "any and all aliases" the spammer is using.
That would I think involve the spammers ISP(s), although he/she/it could always switch, but a broadly worded PPO could address that.
I'm wondering also if you can contact your father's ISP and ask them to participate, by blind copying you on any of your father's communications outside of family or legitimate ones. If you had law enforcement support for this, the ISP would have to comply.
Have you scoured the terms of the DPOA to determine what activates it, specifically? There might be a clause that allows you to participate, if not take over, finances.
You wrote that you're "on his main bank account." To what extent? How exactly is the account titled? If you're joint owners with rights of survivorship", I'm sure that you can act on the account now.
I would also change the numbers in his phone and have the new number one that says it has been disconnected, make sure that the number looks very similar to the original.
I would also contact the credit agencies and put a fraud alert on all 3, this way they can not open new accounts in his name. His identity has been stolen by them at this point.
As others have said show him videos that tell his story to him.
Best of luck, the exploitation of seniors and vulnerable people is on the rise and it takes some creative solutions to protect our stubborn, know it all elders.
My mom just got hit with a solar installation that she thinks will be cheaper than the 100.00 a month power bill she was paying. No convincing her that the 109.00 monthly lease fee is already more than she pays and she will still have a power bill. Thank God we showed up when we did or she would have had a giant hole in her house that they just left. What?!? And she was okay with this.
For something with more local flavour for your father, try googling "digital security ad campaigns" and see if there isn't one that might get through to him. It's nice that all the power of advertising is on the side of the angels for once!
I'm sure you've done all the internet searches on this, but do checkout the U.S. Embassy website in Jamaica:
https://jm.usembassy.gov/u-s-citizen-services/victims-of-crime/scams/
I'm not sure going after guardianship is the easiest or best approach. I don't believe a court is going to grant guardianship simply based on the fact your father is gullible and trusting of these scammers. You do, however, need to convince your father that this is, in fact, a scam!
Show him the embassy web page above, show him news articles (https://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/jamaican-lottery-scam-victim-waiting-full-restitution-66893264), but don't be argumentative over it. Be persistent and caring. Make sure he knows you are just trying to help, but also that this is a very real scam that many others have fallen prey to.
If you haven't already... REPORT IT! So many of these scams go on for years because nobody reports them.
Contact the following:
Federal Trade Commission at www.ftc.gov
Internet Crime Complaint Center at www.ic3.gov
U.S. Embassy in Kingston at KingstonACS@state.gov
Call a local news station, call your representative, call the police, etc.
Unfortunately, your father, in all likelihood, will not see any of the money he's already lost ever again. You need to convince him to stop. Maybe "accidentally" lose the checkbook for a month and take that time to convince him.
If he truly is addicted - I have my doubts, and I wonder if deep-down he knows he's been had, but simply can't admit it to himself or others - then what about playing the lottery legitimately here in the U.S.? Make it a father/son thing: Go down once a week and buy $5 worth of lottery tickets. Didn't win this week? Oh, well, we'll try again next week.
Just brainstorming here, but please do REPORT IT!
All the best!
when I moved back in with my mom, I found science experiments in refrigerator, toilets and shower was not cleaned, floors and furniture extremely dusty and after taking of all that, I was wondering why in hell she kept pulling money out of her savings to feed her checking account. WELL! Since my sister and I are on her bank accounts, the bank authorized me to open her account online. Behold were MANY donations and I mean MANY! Some from religious organizations. I made 53 phone calls to get her off mailing lists, scolded a nun for ripping my mother out of $80 within two months! You see, I realized my mom wasn’t remembering who she was giving money away to. She would just write checks whenever they came into her possession. SO! I have been confiscating ALL her mail! Just gave her her bills, that’s it. However, I have to say, I have taken a few THOUSAND pieces of mail all looking for a donation since March. She messed up her checkbook so badly, I think she knew something wasn’t right. It took me 5-1/2 hours to rewrite a new register in pencil, using my laptop to make all of the adjustments to make her register current and found she had way more money than what was shown. So I had to tell her I was taking over her finances. I show her what bills I’m paying and show her her balance, but in her mind, she’s itching to take over. Not happening! Some were scaring her in thinking she was saving herself from losing Social Security money.
I took this further with her primary doctor and advised the Memory Program. It’ll be in January but I made this appointment in May! That’s the earliest she can be tested. This will not be pretty to say the least. I have a reinforcer coming with me because she won’t disagree to go if my sister-in-law who no one says no to. She’s been so forgetful and only having 10% of her hearing left, it’s a challenge. She refuses hearing aids!
I have four siblings in this region and three out of state.
But they have seen with their own eyes that I was NOT making this stuff up!
Its routine that she tells family that I don’t keep her informed but that’s how bad her memory has gotten.
Phew! Long winded here! My humblest apologies!
Jjwahl. Time to take over the finances.
Mine incident happened here when I wasn’t here. Some car warranty person got my mother to pay over $2000 for something she doesn’t even drive anymore! My sister-in-law was here the next morning and asked if I knew about this transaction. My mother called her to say she got a great deal on a warranty. RED ALERT! So my advice is to speak to family first, have a plan of action and stuck to it. Just saying.