Father lured and now stuck for 30k and growing in a Jamaican lotto scam. Will I be able to get guardianship?

Jjwahl you just said 2 evaluators said your father is sharp. So is my mother. You will never get guardianship if they say he is sharp. My friends father is 97 and they got him tested. He does have dementia because he could answer basic questions. What is your name? When is your birthday? Who is the president? How many children do you have? What are there names? What month is it? Can your father answer these questions correctly? There is your answer.

I meant to say he could NOT answer basic questions.

Jjwahl, I know this is hard to hear. But the only thing you can do is try to get guardianship. That is the only thing you have control over. If you CAN’T get guardianship, that means your father is competent, and can make ALL his own choices. Even BAD choices. He nay blow right through the 600,000. He can!!! It’s HIS money, not yours. Believe me. It took me years of counseling to figure all this out!! You cannot save your father from himself if the court says he is a competent man. Please stay with us on this and let us know the outcome one way or the other. I’m sorry it’s not what you want to hear. I didn’t want to hear it either. It’s like trying to hide drugs from a drug addict or hiding booze from an alcoholic. They will FIND a way!!!! Remember that. They will find a way. You can block your father and put him in a bubble and he will FIND a way. Talk to a counselor for YOURSELF!!!

"He was screaming at me for not giving him money for the lotto scammers and they told me that it sounds like he is an addict and they sent him a letter about common scams"

Please do NOT EVER give him money.
Ever.

Because you KNOW how it will be used if you give him any.

If he is passing the tests, he is not going to be declared incompetent and made a ward of the state. If he gambles his money away, then he will have to face facts. It’s his money to lose and you can’t control if he is competent. Do not enable him.

JJ, have you spoken to his primary care physician about this issue? There are some medications (primarily for Parkinson's) that can lead to uncontrollable gambling.

You need to sit him down and tell him that you will NOT be responsible for him if he loses all his money, that he will be a pauper and possibly become homeless if this continues. Put it in writing; get it notarized.

If he has a lawyer, take him to his lawyer and make a big deal of telling him in front of the lawyer that you are relinquishing your "obligations" as a dutiful child because of his addiction. Tell him that he will need to rely on his so-called "friends" to care for him because he will have no money for care.

I'm sorry that he's gotten caught up in this.

JJ; has your dad had a neuropsych evaluation? This is 4-6 hour pencil and paper testing that will delve into his planning, insight and problem solving abilities.

Talk to his doctors about how to get this accomplished. He is not "sharp as a tack". He just talks a good game.

If HE doesn't care about his lack of ability to pay for lifesaving medication, should you care more than he does?

That's a serious question.

HE said he passed? And you believe that?

I told him about a woman that lost 400k and he said that she is a fool and that he would have stopped at 100k! Dear Lord...

Gambling disorder is recognized as a social/behavioral disorder by the DSM- V. There are a number or criteria for this disorder and the patient must meet four of the criteria to be formally diagnosed. Being diagnosed with this disorder is most likely not a basis for a court to declare him incompetent nor the basis for a diagnosis of dementia.

https://www.alzdiscovery.org/cognitive-vitality/blog/are-people-at-high-risk-for-dementia-more-vulnerable-to-scams

Interesting study.

The fact that your dad was not selected for the medication does not mean he "passed". It means he didn't fit the criteria they were looking for in study participants.

Please call his doctor tomorrow and discuss his troubling behavior.

My mother gave away over $80000 to an overseas scammer that she thought was in love with her. She was later diagnosed with Frontal Lobe Dementia with severe delusional disorder. She is now in Assisted Living. I had to take Guardianship to stop here from losing any more money. The process was stressful but overall fairly easy. Just talk to a good elder care attorney. At least here in North Carolina, it was a fairly easy process.

Call the phone company and have the scammer's number blocked. Report this scammer to the authorities. Print information about different types of scams with examples of how elderly people get scammed by phone solicitors and make him read it. Tell him it is not safe to answer calls from unknown numbers. Block all numbers except those he is familiar with. Call the phone company and see if they have any solutions about how to protect your elderly father from all the scammers. Is there a way to block all numbers except his doctors and family members? Ask AARP (He would never know that you did this). Or, disconnect his phone. Get him a mobile phone instead. Monitor his calls....Block numbers that are suspicious.

Regarding guardianship, I would talk to his primary doctor and express your concern over what is happening. Ask the doctor to refer him to a Neuropsychologist for a more extensive evaluation. Also, ask the doctor to order and MRI to get imaging of his brain.

I agree with Becky. Look up the gambling addiction criteria. They have to have at least 4 of them. My mother has ALL of them. She is 95 years old and has been out of control gambling since the casino came to our state in 1992. She gambled away her whole retirement nest egg. She now just scrapes by on social security and half of my fathers pension since he died. Her house is in need of repairs. She has no money for her repairs. She pays her monthly bills on time, heat and utility bill, health insurance bill, and her phone bill. That’s all she has. Her mortgage is paid for. She has no car. The rest of her money goes for groceries and gambling. Always trying to win back all the money she has lost. She’s taking call a bus tomorrow to the grocery store from noon till 7pm to grocery shop and the rest of the time play the scratch off machine.,She’s not demented.,Just an addict. Still waiting for her to hit rock bottom.

Jjwahl, I meant to say my friends father DOES have dementia because he COULD NOT answer any simple questions such as what is your name? Who is the president? How many children do you have. He was deemed incompetent. My mother can answer all these questions. She does not have dementia. She’s just kooky. She has always been kooky, but not demented. I can’t get guardianship over a mother who is Kooky.

jjwahl, I looked up elder exploitation and it said to call Adult Protective Services. They have laws protecting elders in each state. Try that route.

Jjwahl, I can’t go to court for my mother. I already talked to an elder lawyer. He told me just because she makes bad choices( not showering or bathing, gambling addict, alcoholic, hoarder,) does not mean my mother is incompetent. She is very manipulative and sharp. When she was in her late 80’s she got in a car accident, just a fender bender and she had to go to the dmv to take the road test again. I was in the backseat and watched me mother schmooze and tell the instructor every fun fact known to man. The driving instructor turned around to me and said your mothers mind is sharper than your and mine combined. He said I’ll pass you. You don’t need to take the road test. You won’t lose your license. Needless to say my jaw dropped to the ground. She just told him everything he wanted to hear.

anyone want an update?

Dad did well on his 3 court ordered evals. I even reached out to the last evaluator and filled her head before she went out (which helped BTW). My attorney said that even with that push, Dad was not considered incapacitated and it would be up to his roomy testimony and he would talk his way out of it in the courtroom. So case will be dismissed.

Dad is still giving money to the scammer, his roomy accused me of just caring about his money bc of past health issues and a series of accidents in the past that I ignored. Roomy feels stuck bc no one else cared when he was really in danger of hurting himself and others.

Roomy is angry and told me to hire help for my father, sent it in a message as a "disclaimer". Can roomy be held responsible?

Sometimes the only thing that we can do is walk away.

It sounds like the roommate could have helped in court and chose not to. I am sorry. I would make it clear that they lost the right to chew on me when they didn't help me in court to protect my dad.

I hope I’m wrong, but my gut tells me that we’ve all been scammed into following this thread. Did I miss the mention of a roommate earlier?

”Sometimes the only thing we can do is walk away.” That’s what I’m doing.

They give you the answer jjwahl, your dad is NOT incompetent. He can throw his money out the car window if he so chooses. Let it go and walk away. There is NOTHING you can do about it!!!

jjwahl,

It’s terribly sad. I just don’t see a solution though. So unfortunate! I’m so sorry you have this heartache. Hugs! I think your only choice as hard as it is, is to accept it.

Jjwahl, I wish I wasn’t right. But I learned it the hard way. My mother spent every last dime that my father made in his lifetime. He saved a lot of money. One time when I was a young adult but before my mother started gambling, my father said to me “do you need any money? I have more money than god”. I told him no. I was working and didn’t need any. The thought of my mother gambling ALL of his money and NOBODY could stop her is downright pathetic. She looks like a homeless person. Whenever she goes to the grocery store, people give her 5.00 here and there. I said to her did you take the money from them. Her reply, of course I did. I had to let it go years ago. You will have to do the same.

needhelpwithmom, you are so right. Intelligent people, competent people making bad decisions. My mother was a school teacher and got her bachelors degree. Addiction doesn’t care if you are rich or poor, young or old, happy or sad etc. Addiction can take over ANYBODYS life!!!

Needhelpwithmom, I like your way of thinking!! I would love to win the mega powerball too but in never buy a ticket either. The thing about my mother is she didn’t have any addictions when I was growing up. She never smoked, she never drank alcohol, she never did drugs, she never gambled, and she wasn’t a hoarder!!!! None of it when I was growing up. She started all these additions when she was 68 years old back on 1992 she started gambling. Then when my father died in 1998 all the hoarding started. Then she never drank alcohol because her father was an alcoholic. She didn’t start drinking alcohol till she was 92 years old!!! That started when her car died and she couldn’t drive to the casino. So addictions can start at any age and progress.

Jjwahl, let’s put it this way. I’m still waiting for my mother to quit gambling. She doesn’t think she has a problem. It’s been 27 years and I am still waiting. They lie and connive just like an alcoholic or a drug addict. They tell you what YOU want to hear to get them off their backs.

Jjwahl, people with that thought process are not deemed incompetent. They are addicts!!!!