Elderly Mom has cancer. Any advice on treatment options?

My mother had breast cancer at 68, had chemo, radiation and a mastectomy. She had a hard time with the chemo, hated it, and it seemed to be a factor in other things going wrong (right now I can’t remember the list, but she was in and out of hospital many times over the next 10 years). Aged 78, the cancer came back with major metastases all through her belly. The oncologist did a major operation, which took most of the pleasure from her remaining 4 months of life (as well as costing a fortune).

When she had basically got over the worst of the operation, the oncologist wanted to put her on chemo again. The oncologist and the physician had a vocal argument in the corridor outside her hospital room. Later I asked the physician to give an opinion to us both about how long she would live if she had the chemo. He said about another 6 to 8 months, most of which would be taken up with the chemo. She immediately opted to stop treatment and go home. I moved in with her, and she died 4 weeks later. It was her choice, and best for both of us.

I don’t know if the oncologist was just greedy for lots more treatment, or whether she simply couldn’t cope with death and ‘giving up’. I think now that the operation at 78 was the wrong choice, because it achieved nothing but more suffering. I still have a lot of doubts about that oncologist, in spite of her professional reputation, and I wish we hadn’t been so trusting.

In your shoes, I would suggest a second opinion, and from someone who would be willing to criticise your oncologist. Best wishes at a time which is and will be very difficult, Margaret

She has seen too many people in her community (far younger and healthier than her) suffer horribly through chemo.

She just witnessed her pastor turn into a shell of his former self over the past 2 yrs with chemo and then die. One of her close friends has been battling lung cancer and getting chemo and having a rough time.

I accompanied her to her first oncologist appt this week. Dr asked her what she was willing to tolerate as treatment. She said NO CHEMO. He said most elderly say that. He did not push her at all.

She has good insurance.

My feeling is that most doctors take it over the edge with the elderly, why put a woman that age through Chemo?

What to possibly live another 6 months and suffer all the way through it?

Today, it is all about money, how much can you get from Medicare?

yes, i have a friend whose mother (83) did chemo (breast cancer). very bad idea. she suffered a lot, lived some months, then died.

my friend tried to warn her mother not to do it. but the doctor pressured her. after her death, the doctor apologized to my friend: chemo was the wrong decision.

XenaJada, so sorry to read your Mom has breast cancer. Do you know what stage?

If the cancer is only in that one breast and is a very low Stage, have Mom ask her doctor if he/she thinks doing mastectomy might be a better choice. I know for myself, I had a mastectomy 13 years ago and didn't need chemo or radiation, but did have to take pills that I had trouble with side effect.

This can vary from patient to patient.

Xena, I'm so sorry to hear this.

What treatment has your mom's oncologist recommended? Not all breast cancers are the same and it's not like all of the respond to chemo. And not all chemo is the same.

Is someone going to the oncology appointments besides mom and dad? Taking along another set of ears could be very helpful.

My mom had breast cancer at 65. My dad was so hysterical, he couldn't hear anything the doctors were saying.

My parents, who were very smart, rational people BOTH became emotional basket cases. My mother almost made a very poor treatment choice just to get the surgery over with because she couldn't bear how my dad was behaving.

((((Hugs))))).