Elderly father who is suicidal. Any advice?

Thanks for the comments. I’m pretty sure a hospice isn’t the right place for him as he’s in recovery from Throat cancer, not terminally ill.

it has got us thinking though that we should stop nagging and allow him to make his own decisions about whether to take his meds or food and if his condition deteriorates, refer medically so he can agree treatment or not with health professionals.

Poor guy. I can't imagine being in his shoes and being force-fed and having people consider loading me up with psych meds.

He sounds competent, so ask him if he wants the feeding tube. If he doesn't, then I'd be sure his wishes are in order (advance medical directive), then have the conversation with him about hospice.

I think the most important thing you can do is to take him and his desires seriously. No one should be forced to live through artificial means. If he wants to go, then he should be allowed to go.

If dad wants to die, he should be allowed the dignity to do so without being forced to live by his family, that's my opinion. Ask him what HE wants to do? You can get him a hospice evaluation which means no more medical intervention will take place; no PEG tubes, no hospitals, no poking and prodding, and nature is allowed to take its course, so he'll die when his heart stops beating. You can take him home WITH HOSPICE care on board and with the understanding the family will not be on him like white on rice to do this, that and the other thing. The choice is up to HIM.

Or, you can get him a consult with his doctor for antidepressant meds if he wants to try that route.

But you can't and shouldn't force him to eat/drink and be merry if what he wants to do is die.

I'm sorry you're faced with such a situation in the first place. When a person wants to die, he should realize there is more than ONE PERSON involved in that process, and everyone suffers.

Best of luck.

It sounds as though the quality of life left to this poor gentleman is not enough to make him wish to continue to live. As a nurse my lifelong career I know how difficult it is for family and friends to understand that when we thus taxed with a torturous and uncurable disease, the treatment of which constitutes only MORE torture, we often come quickly to not only WISH to die, but to BEG to die.
It is time to try for Hospice who will be frank and open, and who will listen to this gentleman about his own wishes for some control, and his own hopes for a peaceful death.
Often when such expressions of final wishes are spoken out loud the "answer" of well-meaning and fit people is to get a psychologist or take an anti-depressant. While each of these choices may have their place when we are dying, the first question of the mental health worker is often "Are you depressed". To this I can only say that making plans for a more peaceful end of life in the real light of a cancer diagnosis is likely not your most uplifting time. However, honesty and addressing the wishes of the dying CAN bring them a modicum of control, and some peace and understanding.
I very much hope you will discuss Hospice with this gentleman and with his doctors. And I wish you the very, very best as I wish him a peaceful end. My heart goes out to you all.
(Just as a sidebar: you may be interested to hear that OFTEN, when treatment is withdrawn, the throat heals from the onslaught of side effects of cancer therapy. The patient feels better, regains appetite, and has more joy in the last days of his or her life. That is to say, the quality of life greatly improves in many cases, as does the time left to the patient.)

Hospice... I found out from the hospice nurse during a rambling conversation that depression can be* a hospice dx. I guess it makes sense too in a lot of circumstances.

Was it his idea to get treatment for his cancer or the family idea? If he truly wanted to die, he wouldn’t have gone through treatment.

If he is ready to die now, the next time he brings it up then I would discuss doing hospice. If he wants to go home (understandably) I would do in home hospice with caregivers (if he and/or family can afford)

Hospice. Now.

If he is refusing treatment for his depression, I would refer him to hospice.

Or, you could have him committed to an in-patient psychiatric facility. You could sue for temporary emergency guardianship and force treatment

Sounds like it's past time to place him in the appropriate facility where they will give him the 24/7 care he needs and make sure he's taking his medications. He will also be around other people his own age that he can befriend. And who knows, even find love again.
And I will say again what I said in a previous post, if your father REALLY wanted to kill himself he would have already. What he's doing is just a cry for help and attention.
If he really wanted to die he would have forgone the radiation for his cancer right?
So other than placing him, it may also be beneficial to bring hospice on board. Perhaps if he hears the word hospice, he may decide that he actually does want to keep on living.

Was he given good psychiatric care after his suicide attempts?

Is he on antidepressants?

Have you called the psychiatrist who is managing his care?

How do you know his swallow is fine?

Why does he have a PEG tube?

Why did he bother with the cancer treatment if he wants to die? It seems counterintuitive to go through that if you don't want to live.

He may be having difficulty swallowing because of the radiation on his throat from the cancer. It is common for someone who goes through that to not be able to swallow without being in a lot of pain. Have you asked him about this? Sometimes people dont tell you there is a problem unless you ask.

Did he have health care directives in place? What does it say about tube feeding? Has he been evaluated for hospice?

When threatens suicide, call 911, Baker Act him, then refuse to take him back. He needs to be in a facility and likely in hospice.

Imagine yourself in his place and think about what could make you want to go on living.

I don't mean to suggest there isn't anything - for all I know he has a wealth of relationships and interests that could be reawakened to help comfort him. But survival at all costs isn't likely to cut it. Is anyone asking him about his feelings?