He wants me to stay away now and I'm very hurt and concerned. PLEASE HELP! what can I do-Dad (80) let very young gold digger move in with him after 10 dates. Slight Alcohol related dimentia. Moved down to FL to be near dad (now 80) that needed help (alcoholic) cleaned his house, got him straightened out-took. 6 yrs. 2 visits a day. He just took on a girlfriend that looks 25 (a massuse) move in with him after about 10 dates. He is keeping me away from him and does not want me to spend any time with either of them. He has no use for me NOW. I met her when I was allowed to say "hello" at his door and she was not all made up and ready to spend time with me. I am not apparently welcome anymore and and very hurt and concerned. -- p.s. he is very stubborn by the way. . What should I do? ---he is talking about setting up a massage parlor for her and buying 1/2 her stake in some mobile home. Marriage is in the works and I am devastated after 3 failed marriages for him and 3 badly failed live ins.
Other siblings wish him well with this circumstnce, are far away and could not care if he died. More $$ for them..
~Cindy
In terms of an answer, see wheat you can do about moving out of civil into criminal.......they operate differently. A forensic accountant could help track the money. The paper trail is important and follow the money. Attorneys have specialties and this should be criminal, not just civil. The key is to prove that she is taking his money. I worked through an elder law attorney but that was not enough. The white collar crime division of your city police can help. I was able to get a photo of her telling day to withdraw 150,000. End result is that she ran off and married him......so basically she was more sneaker than I though.......Adult protection in your city is ok, but they are way too busy to care. Try to go criminal. Good luck....so sad. She could transfer the money anywhere - even out of the country and then there is no chance at all.....best of luck.....Oregon 2017
Now in dealing with your dad, I would start by having a very serious talk with him privately one-on-one. I would then have him evaluated for competency and if he's not competent, I would take over his financial matters through at very least a conservatorship. Besides calling your mobile APS, lock up the checkbooks, valuables and debit cards as well as all deeds and titles. Alert the bank and get a safety deposit box to put all of the vulnerable items in including a copy of his will and other important legal documents. I would do this anyway even if he is competent because you never know what this golddigger will do, it happens more often than we realize. She'll just clean him out and move on to the next unsuspecting victim, leaving the victims family to sort it all out after that victim dies and needs to open an estate and hire a lawyer. Another thing you want to do is monitor his bank account and if I were you I would just go digital and not let him carry cash, write checks money orders or any other form of paper. Just do all transactions online and swipe the plastic at the checkout. What I would do is have a savings account attached to this man's checking account and sweep all of his money into the savings and set him up where he can't overdraft. If the money is not there at the checkout when you swipe the plastic, the card will be declined until you add more money. I went digital years ago and I've got the hang of it and it's so much easier than carrying cash, writing checks or any other form of paper, just swipe and go and put only enough money on your card that you need for that particular trip, don't have no extra money on that card. Make it impossible for the gold digger to get anything from your dad. I can tell you from experience that no one's taking advantage of me because I already took steps to protect myself. No one can take advantage of me because I just don't leave no opportunities open, and the more loopholes you can close in your case, the closer you'll come to making it impossible for the gold digger to get anything, and she'll eventually move on. I don't know where this problem is, but if it's in Ohio, specifically with in Lorain County, I don't know where this problem is, but if it's in Ohio, specifically with in Lorain County, be very wary. There is a lady in that area who has been seen as a person of interest in a possible elder fraud matter and has also been in trouble for past taxes and lost property over it. If the problem happens to be in this particular area, go to the local authorities right away and report the matter to the APS at very least. Elder financial abuse is more common than we realize and it's up to us to be able to spot it, recognize it and stop it. It's up to us to watch over our elders just like we would our children because many times elders minds become as children, making them vulnerable to vultures. In a matter of days, our town will be starting a new group to encourage our town to become more like an actual community. It's very similar to a neighborhood watch program but better because people with resources network with other people to bring help where it's really needed and we will be encouraged to watch over each other. Our group will be called the voices network which will start in a church backed by the pastor. You may do this and your area, we need groups like this so that we can not only watch out for each other but also reach out and help those who most need it. Networking will encourage people to pull together and watch out for each other. Having no social life, network, or other protections puts the most vulnerable in a position of opportunity to be taken advantage of, and it's usually people who are alone for most vulnerable, especially if they're elderly or disabled. The best way to stamp out elder abuse is to pull together as a community so that way, we can all watch out for each other. The final thing to remember is there is power in numbers, so the more people watching out for everyone the better
If there was forgery then it would roll to a criminal court which is much easier than the civil court.....Good luck. Oregib2017
APS said he was happy......and did nothing.
They married soon after all that. And that's when she went to work on him. She stole tens of thousands of $$ from him, perhaps, no quite sure, drugged him, began a deliberate plan to drive him crazy and paranoid, and when he kept on living she got tired of it all and went to the local dept of aging and said she was leaving him and initiated guardianship by the state. He's legally blind so he could not be left alone. He only knew what she told him.
He was removed from his own home and placed in a nursing home under temporary guardianship. What was left of his assets was frozen and they had POA and control of his bank account. She must have thought she was home free. However, she didn't have any plans in place to leave and even her own children wouldn't take her in. As desperate as she was to just walk away and take at least half of his estate, she didn't count on any of what was to happen.
He contacted me just before he was removed from his home. We had had no contact at all for 3 years. I was so angry and hurt with him I went into therapy. I learned to live my own life and was fine during that time. The first time he called he was incoherent, somewhat understandable, and I wasn't going to interfere. But he is a human being and my father. So while he is in the nursing home I continued to talk with him once a week. He became more & more coherent and began to understand that his so-called wife was the source of all his problems. He started to cooperate with the dept of aging, they got him a lawyer and he was in court a few days ago. He had gone through 2 days of a psyche exam and found to be competent. He is still sharp at 94 but I think he's still restoring his health.
I went to his hearing to determine whether he would be under permanent guardianship or if the court would rescind the guardianship.First time I'd seen him in 3 years. Wow, he had really gone downhill. He was declared competent and was free to do as he pleased. Unfortunately, the wife is still living in the home and he will be spending more time at the nursing home until he can regain sole possession of his home and get her out, arrangements made for in-home care and a divorce filed.
I say all this to let you know that there is hope for elderly folk who made terrible and deeply hurtful decisions to "come to their senses". It does come with a hefty price to pay - and I mean that not just financially but rebuilding trust with what is left of his family.
I just couldn't not help though my efforts are more geared to getting him the help he'll need than just accepting that we will welcome him back into our lives as though nothing has happened. He hurt all of us deeply. The woman he married did such damage to us all, I simply want her out of our lives so there's the possibility of rebuilding the trust and love we once had. Without going into to detail, this outcome is quite probable and will happen soon. Too soon to tell how long it will take, if ever, that we can be a family but I am glad to be helping the old man.
We're all vulnerable at some point but I believe that no matter how hurt and angry we are, extending some kindness to folks who were foolish is a good thing. We've all been foolish at some point. Try to remember this as you go through the very difficult times.
And lastly, I am an atheist so this has nothing to do with the forgive and forget crap. It has everything to do with being a human being and being kind to yourself and others. When a foolish person is in the throes of foolishness and it gets ugly, be good to yourself, live your life, and let the ugly go. If you are lucky, the fool will come around. If it doesn't happen, you will be ok and go on with your own life. You can't make someone change, they have to want it themselves. Honestly, I did not think in all these years my father would change his mind. I am glad he has for his own peace of mind. The "Serenity Prayer" is quite quite appropriate in these situations. Just be good to yourself.
Thank you for thinking of me and your love and support. I will keep you all up-to-date.
Wanted to finish the saga-but this may not be the last chapter..
Fast forward from my original posting. Father is divorcing gold digger-he left message on my answering machine & has come crying back to me.. Marriage did not last more than 1 1/2 yrs. No property, money, cars, gifts, benefits left that she can get her grimey paws on. Apparently, she threatened to kill him as well over money, a neighbor told me. I found out he was her 6th marriage & 3 disappeared mysteriously. I got friendly with him for awhile until she called me 4 months ago and told me I was going to have a problem if I contact him again. She also said, "I am not going to let that ugly f-- ing bitch ruin my life" I overheard her screaming in our condo hall. I have no intention of supporting him in any way now that this has all come down. It is called bounderies and I am not going to put myself in a mentally abusive/hopeless relationship family or not. He did not listen to me, neighbors or friends. I have already gone on with MY life.
My other siblings moved hundreds of miles away from him years ago and really don't care what he does. As I said before, the response is "he is a big boy". When he kicks the bucket and they all end up with $100, I won't HAVE to say, "I told you so". Hey, it's his life. He appears to know exactly what he is choosing to do. The dam old fool--that I have accepted.
Good luck
If not I still urge you to do so. You have been programmed since your childhood to respond in an unhealthy emotional way to your father's dysfunctional behavior. This is still the keystone of your psychological development so even though your brain will always tell you "let it be" your emotions will continually nag you to "try one more time" This is evident in your FYI update. You provided twice as much information about your father's latest venture than about what you are doing with your new found freedom from his manipulation. That is not a good sign. So please get support from people who have walked in your shoes and have overcome.
Peace and happiness to you in the New Year!