Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Also, if you have a rapport with your local general doctor for your dad you might try either calling the office & asking if they have a social worker or case worker type that works in their office or make an appt for dad for a different reason & while there speak to the actual md about this situation & the fact that the lawyers can't help with another state (jurisdiction) & that the concerns are saving any money for your dad's care rather than letting it go on her & her children. MDs are generally smarter than the average bear & may have a suggestion none of us have thought of to get around this. The social worker is also a good idea. They have to have had this before. Usually it doesn't involve 2 diff. states. Everything is so state based now it makes things difficult to solve. I am dealing with a state to state issue myself right now in another realm. The divorce one. Since there is comm. prop. in 2 diff. states we can't divorce in either state without liquidated 1 of the states properties first which of course is being used or delayed by the one refusing to divorce. No lawyer can help with that since there are 2 different states. Note to everyone out there if married don't purchase property (real estate) in a 2nd state or due to either divorce, separation or elderly parent issues you will have trouble in the future where lawyers can't help.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I hate to heap more bad news on top of this bad news however the attorney suggestion while on the surface seems like a good one it may do you no good.
I have been dealing with elder & nursing home medicaid attorneys for 3-4 years now & just like divorce attorneys they are not allowed to and/or will not speak to any rules in other states. Since you could only hire a lawyer in your state & the woman is in another state now & in a facility in another state you will probably be wasting your time & money at a lawyer's office. And said lawyer would be happy to help you waste your time & money since that is how they pay their mortgage at home. My suggestion would not be to a lawyer since you are dealing with separate states. It would be a better idea to find a local agency like Department of Aging & Disabled, the local Department of Health & Human Services (if they run nursing home medicaid) or even a local day senior recreation center. Please also type into Google nursing home ombudsman along with your city & state and see which agency they are out of. Call that agency with your story & get any advice from people advocating for years with these issues. If your father can be taken out in a car & sitting in an office I would be inclined to bring him to your local social security office & wait to speak to someone there about the situation regarding his legally married wife & the fact that it deals with 2 different jurisdictions & do they have any suggestions on what lawyers might be of any use in 2 different states. I have never heard of a lawyer in this field that has the right to help with the other state. However if greedy they may promise to help & take the money. You will be worse off. I would defiinitely start with agencies as they are free. They also have more experience with dealing with these matters.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You might want to call Adult Protective Services as well and let them know what has happened. Like many others have suggested you need to call an elder law attorney immediately.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Your situation is just disgusting in my opinion---I am appalled that your Dad, her spouse, is being taken advantage like this. How is it that a spouse can be trumped by a child's wishes? Please , please let us know how this pans out for all of you. It is tantamount to theft to take the entire account and not consider the joint aspect ---I don't care what the banks say, even if it is legal. I wish only the best for you and your father. What rotten people your stepmother's children are!!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

To add to my dads problems, he and my husband took a trip to NY to the nursing home where his wife was put my her daughter (and where the daughter works as a nurse) and they had asked to see her. The nurse on duty told my father that she was taken to a hospital and they were told that they couldn't tell them where she was taken. My husband explained that they just drove to hours so my dad could see his wife and this was a lousy thing for her kids to be doing. The nurse said she was sorry but said that they could not give any information out, so my husband asked for a phonebook to look up the hospitals in the area. As they were leaving the nurse told my husband that they had a picture of him with a woman ( which was me) behind the desk with a note telling them not to let these people in meaning my husband and I. So they left and went to the hospital that my dad always went to and sure enough she was there and not in very good shape. My husband and dad went in to see her and sure enough the daughter with the healthcare proxy (the Nurse) showed up and got two security officers that she knew on a first name basis( because she had work there) and escorted my husband out to the waiting room and said he could not go back in leaving my dad alone in a very hostile environment. After about 15 minutes my dad came out and came home to Mass. So my dad went back to NY today and hopefully he will be OK. I did contact Legal Aid and they took some info down and they said they would get back to me after they have a meeting. As far as the checking account the bank said it was legal for the son because he had POA for his mother he could close the account as long as her name was on the account. I also asked SS about him taking her money and they also said if he has POA and he was on the account with her nothing could be done. NICE RIGHT. They are not nice people and I wish he didn't have to deal with them because they bully him and I know in my heart that is why they won't let us be with him when he goes to see his wife. Thanks for all the insight and I am going to get legal advice and keep everyone posted and hopefully no other people have to go through this.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

PLEASE TALK to an elder care attorney.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

JTROS accounts are set up so that anyone on the account can take money out, etc. When you add a POA for one of those joint owners, legally that person has been named to act in their stead, so in effect, it IS that person who is transacting on the account. Sorry to say this but 'the early bird...'. I worked for several years long ago in a trust department of a huge bank (personal trust) and also at a branch. You could often see the mad rush for someone to get in there and close an account before someone else did. The only way to prevent this is to require TWO signatures or more on each check or withdrawal.
On another site, I just read something that made total sense. It was in regard to POA vs spousal rights and at the second a read it the light bulb came on. "If spousal rights trumped POA then it would not be necessary for one's spouse to BECOME your POA".
The other thing that needs to be remembered is that POA goes with the deceased person, meaning POA is over and done once the person who the POA is appointed for the benefit of dies, the POA is also dead. The intention of it is to act on the person's behalf. I guess if it could be proved that the person with the POA took money and didn't use it for the mother, there could be some recourse legally (ask lawyer). But the bottom line is that when it's gone it's gone. Needless to say if there are any other accounts open they should be immediately closed and reopened in just your dad's name and perhaps he needs someone to be POA too!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

In North Carolina (and I'm not sure if it applies to spouse joint bank accounts), but the bank told me it was an either/or state. Meaning that either of the people on the joint account, could close the account and reopen it in just their name. ( or take everything) You certainly need a lawyer.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Seems your father would've had to sign any paperwork allowing the son access to HIS money - wouldn't your father have to give permission to make it a joint account including the son??? A lawyer is obviously needed here...good luck...what a horrible situation. :(
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I am still trying to figure out how they got POA when your dad was on the joint account as well as your step mother? That money is belonging to him too---I would raise hell at the bank that held the accounts in their joint names. It seems highly illegal to turn over control of a bank account that has a joint owner on it. Lawyer up! I hope you get some answers and keep us posted. Best of luck.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Whew! First consult an elder-care attorney in YOUR state and let him look up the law in NY. He should already be familiar with the MA laws.
He/she will tell you what rights a spouse has and what rights a POA has.
This will answer your question, however, your biggest problem is the money.
$439.00 per month is not enough for your Dad's wife, and you can be sure that her family will come knocking on your door to get some more money from your Dad , one way or another. Be aware of this, and prepare. Again, a lawyer should be able to tell you and your Dad of his financial responsiblities and his own rights. Last question: Who is the beneficiary of his life insurance? Just curious.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I guess I forgot to ask the obvious. Did your dad have POA for your mother before she had dementia? If so, it would seem obvious that would override any POA one of her kids set up after she had been diagnosed. Was the account they cleaned out everything they had as far as liquid assets? Yes, again, lawyer!
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

My husband and I recently lost his mother at 92. We live in a different city/state from his mother and his brother lives where she did. Both brothers were on the account jointly with her and both had POA. Of course, POA applies to everything, not just the money. We did talk to an attorney because the brothers were not in agreement on a number of things. Once her house was sold and all assets liquidated, any one of the three had access to the accounts. In our case, bro could have cleaned out any account he saw fit to do so with. That's why it has to be carefully thought out WHO gets POA.
In our particular case, their mother was of sound mind even though her reasoning could be 'off' (wanted to treat them both equally while at times telling us how the brother bullied her, etc), so what happened with the money was basically open to whoever got it to it first.
My husband and I recently set up our own trust. We have three kids each, and have been married 12 years. He is 62 and I am 58. We both are in total agreement that out of the six, my one son is the one and only we will appoint as our POA (after each other first, and only if we could not execute on that due to disability). He is also the sole executor for us and if he is unable to do it, it will not fall to any other of our kids. Thankfully, we are on the same page and are thinking about all of this ahead of time. We love all six of our kids and we are sure someone will get their 'panties in a bunch' over our decisions but they are OUR decisions and we are making them before crisis mode. We also are not discussing anything with anyone about what we plan to leave them, etc. All we are doing is letting the one who will be in charge if something happens to us know where our bank and safety deposit box is, how to find the information to access our accounts, etc if need be/when the time comes.
I hate to say this, but when I read a lot of this stuff, it makes me realize that maybe the only thing other readers can garner from it is what to do /not do for themselves as we, the next generation, go down this road.
Best of luck. Surely, get a lawyer. But it sounds to me as if things have been done that maybe cannot be undone.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Why don't you tell this to Elder Law atty? You could get free legal advice from them. They may have lied to the authorities about the situation, also. You should really dig into all this with a professional. Your dad was apparently not declared incompetent, and as such he actually had more say than the kids. Sounds kind of underhanded and wrong actions were taken on their part. You won't know completely unless you dig into it with a professional Elder law atty. You should report it to proper authorities, at least. If they have violated the law, they will be in trouble. Its good to write every fact (not emotions) in very detailed way that you need to say, so you don't forget to tell them important points that could make or break the case.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Sorry...and he needs to find out if he has any rights concerning his spouse.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I think it would be illegal for the son to pull out all the money from a joint account between your father and his wife and put it into his name. And depending on what state they were married in, she could claim some of your father's income and other assets. I agree with Jinx. Without a doubt, your father needs to talk with a elder attorney to find out what rights he has and how he can protect his assets from her kids.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

What a horrible situation! I think you need to take this story to an Elder Law attorney.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter