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My step dad (77) has only peripheral vision in one eye, macular degeneration in the other, and recently lost consciousness behind the wheel, caused a serious accident, and received 3 tickets. By Illinois law he was supposed to have his license suspended for 6 months, but somehow that was not submitted to the state. He is not safe, but thinks he should drive ('must not be that bad') since he has his license and it is not suspended.


Suggestions appreciated. I don't know where to start. His doctor, SOS, health department, or other.


Suggestions appreciated.

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Does he live with you? We had this talk with dad 2 years ago he is 87. He was still driving at 85. His car died he used my daughter's car since she lives out of state and it is technically my car. After his second knee replacement and a few falls, I gave him a driving test. He failed. I said, "you're done".He drove in a snowstorm when I told him to stay home and we were away for my wife's birthday and he denied the damage that happened to my daughter's car, scratches on the hood, and dent in the front from possibly running off the road. My wife strongly said to him "It's my car, my house, my insurance, if you hurt someone in a car accident we will lose our house, so you not driving anymore". It was painful at first but he now has everyone drive him everywhere as his grandfather did, seems to actually love it. It is a huge pain in the ass for me.
Sometimes you just have to lay it out. If he had an accident as you described he needs to stop today, not a license issue, just NO. I've pulled many dead and mangled bodies out of cars for over 40 years with older people being behind the wheel that should not have been there.
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MJcaregiver23 Mar 2023
My mother, who is home bound, and my step dad, live in their own home. He has been her primary care provider until this accident. Of course they struggle to keep their independence.
I have tried to appeal to logistical, practical, and safety issues, but have not taken him driving myself. IMO he has not been a safe driver for years.
I think a drive might be the solution. Just him and I and a test. It seems like the perfect opportunity to tell him it's over.
Can you give me a few ideas, of how and where I should implement it please?
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Get the keys or disable the car NOW, then worry about getting his license revoked. An innocent person can die if he continues to drive.
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MJcaregiver23 Mar 2023
It's not an option to disable the vehicle, as it's used regularly for me to transport them. We cannot use my vehicle, due to their limited mobility. Which is why I need to be the only driver. He feels shame and guilt for not being able to help in this area, but I'm trying to appeal to moral conviction to keep people safe in the meantime.
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Install a kill switch
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Hothouseflower Mar 2023
That is the best idea!
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I reported my mom to the DMV, along with a letter I sent to her primary. She had a mild cognitive decline diagnosis, but refused to be seen by doc, after her ER visit.

I detailed very specific instances mom had been having + the MCD diagnosis + not seeking medical help = the state sent her a letter. The state would have reactivated her license had she passed an in-person test (she did not pass) and had three various doctors complete paperwork saying she was fit to drive (she tried to get her primary to sign off on the paperwork which he did not do).  

Start with a letter to dads doctor, detailing all you know about dads health and why he should not be driving. Ask for the doc’s assistance.

Next, call the DMV and ask where you can send a letter requesting dads license be revoked. Write a letter to the DMV and state what you know about dad’s vision issues, his loss of consciousness behind the wheel, driving tickets, etc.. Request their assistance and state you do not believe your dad should be driving.

This worked for me, even though psychiatrist and neurologist in the ER did not put through paperwork to the state with Mom’s diagnosis of cognitive decline.

Good luck.
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Often it is really up to the family, AKA you, to keep someone unsafe off the roads. This has more to do with not having access to a vehicle than a valid license. A piece of paper does not keep anyone from getting behind the wheel. So, it's time for some tough love. You can do it assertively and ask for his keys which could turn into a big fight. Nah. Instead, I would take the passive way and disable his vehicle. I don't personally know how to do this but I don't think it's too hard. Then have it towed or drop it off at the shop but it just never comes back. Needs a part that is on back order, etc. etc. Out of sight, out of mind.

When my mom's dementia became such that driving was a horrible idea, her doctor told her (at my insistence). She had already kind of stopped due to winter weather, fear of ice, etc. So I just hid her keys in case she got any bright ideas of going for a ride and then just reminded her that she could have an accident and KILL SOMEONE, maybe young children, etc. I could not bear the idea of that happening and could not deal with the guilt of it, if the worst ever were to happen.

Just thought of another idea - have him go for an eye exam at motor vehicle. There's no way he could pass is there? I would also call whoever is in charge of this mandatory suspension and see what the hold up is?

Good luck. He's not going to be happy but this is about safety - his and the that of the innocent people on the road.
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MJcaregiver23 Mar 2023
The suspended report was not filed or applied to his license.
I use their vehicles to transport them for appointments and errands, as my vehicle is not 'senior friendly', so theirs will have to stay.
I have asked him to consider the fact that he could seriously harm my mother or someone else, and not think only about himself.
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You are in the best position to safeguard your LO and others. Depending on her state, you can anonymously report him to the DMV online (and provide all the documentation and incidents to support your claim). They will mail out a letter informing him he needs to come in to be tested (probably starting with an eye test, which he likely wouldn't pass). But do not take him to this appointment. Do not keep talking about it. Make sure he doesn't call others to take him. His license will then expire. Then, remove his vehicle on some pretense (it needs repair) or disable it. Cancel his insurrance. If you aren't able to do this then talk to his neighbors and ask them to report him (911) if they see him pull out. Report him as a dangerous driver. In some states doctors can write a letter to the DMV advising against their driving but ultimately you would be the one to *make sure* your LO is not driving (because sometimes they don't care whether they have a valid license or not, whether they might hurt themselves or not, due to their cognitivve decline and impaired mental judgment).

He won't like any of this and will be in a rage for a while but you must step in and be prepared to substitute his need to drive by providing rides and having his necessities delivered, etc.
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MJcaregiver23 Mar 2023
Thank you for your response. I have provided a caregiver and transportation, but he doesn't want to bother anyone (but me).
I am not sure when his license will naturally expire, but I will be reaching out to the DMV.
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This is confusing. “I have provided a caregiver and transportation, but he doesn't want to bother anyone (but me)”. But he is still driving – not just ‘bothering you’. And you have to use their vehicle, so you can’t disable it.

It’s not going to be convenient, but perhaps the solution is to remove the vehicle from Dad’s place, store it somewhere as accessible as possible for you, drive your car to pick it up, and then go around to collect Dad. So it’s ‘usable’ but not there as an option for Dad to get into. Make a fuss about how much trouble it is for you to avoid the potential accidents and liability, and how much easier it would be if he uses the ‘caregiver and transportation’ you have provided. Get someone to heavy you (even this site’s ‘advice’) about his and your liability if he injures someone else – or kills your mother.
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Call DMV and tell them he is unsafe and what happened..they can test him if brave enough to ride with him.
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take the licence and car. he has some nerve driving and putting others in danger
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Start with your local police department... He is a demonstrated hazard to public safety, they must act to restrict his driving, also call the DMV and ask for some advice. The law is a little different in each state but your Doctor in charge of his care can certify him as not capable to drive and this can be used to suspend his license. My own personal experience... I just took the keys to the car... my parents were not happy but I explained the situation to them and they accepted the situation eventually. It is the hardest thing to do, but people's lives are at stake, be strong and do the right thing... take the keys...
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