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I, too, share in your depression and fatigue. My stepmother moved in 2 years ago after my father died and she broke her hip. She wanted to live with us instead of a lovely retirement home. She tried it for a few weeks (didn't like the food and it was depressing). She even paid for a home remodeling so she could live with us, which I never should have done. So we charge her nothing, provide 99% of her food and pay all the utilities. I cook most of the meals and she generally is not happy with anything, complains most of the time that something is wrong, even with resteraunt food. She has moderate dementia and is still in complete denial of her limitations which are progressing. She has always been a bit difficult, nags and complains alot about most everything. At first, I was working full-time but am now retired and I thought it would get easier but I find myself resentful that my retirement will not be what I hoped it would be. I find myself angry and depressed most of the time and then the feelings of guilt take over. I am an only child and during my childhood I was loved but really never felt compassion or warmth from her and now find I don't have those feelings towards her. I think that if she didn't live with me and we had some separation, our relationship would be better but she wont hear of it even though she spends most of her time in her bedroom. And since she paid for the addition of a bedroom to our home, i feel obligated to keep her with us. Money is not an issue for her, she has enough to live on for another 15 years but she penny pinches. In the winter when the electric bill doubles because she is always cold and wants the heat up, she balks at paying the additional amount, stating that my grandkids leave the lights on, etc. Other than the dementia her health is good so I see this as a long-term situation and I am frightened for my own sanity and health. This only child guilt overwhelms me at times and I feel guilty and sad because I know my situation could be so much worse. But it is so difficult for me to approach her about any of this because I have always been a pleaser (again, only child) and I don't want to hurt her feelings or make her feel unwanted. I have never been one to put myself first and am now suffering for it. I just dont know how to do it without overwhelming feelings of guilt. I have tried to "have the talk" but always back down when she puts up roadblocks.. I guess i just needed to vent. I started counseling but after two sessions my provider moved so that will be my next move. Thanks for listening.
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My whole life is caring for my husband with Alzheimer's and am also dealing with having lost my loving husband (he's angry much of the time now) and that by the time this is all over I will be too old to do the things I am missing now. Can't travel, visit friends out of town, go to theater, etc. I'm so tired all the time. Have lots of support which is wonderful but it's still there all the time. I'm so sorry for all of us going through this.
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Dear music lover 1,
Everyone who has been a caregiver to a parent understands what you are saying and how you are feeling. I am 68 years old. I looked after both of my parents with very little help from my sibling. My Dad passed on about 11 years ago and my Mom passed away two months ago. All of the time that my parents were ill, I worked full time and tried to "have my own life" as much as I could. It was very difficult. I was tired, stressed, sad, overwhelmed and just plain exhausted sometimes. Now that my Mom is gone, I'm having trouble "restarting" my life. The simple advice that I have for you is to get some more help. If family members can't or won't help, contact the social agencies in your area. I realize, this requires even more work on your part. But, you need to have more resources available for you. You have to find ways to take better care of yourself. Caregiver stress is real. I know that I will recover from all of this. But, I am not sure that I will ever forgive my family members for the times they could not visit my mother because "they had things to do". I don't think I'll ever get over it and so I just leave it in God's hands. I wish the best for you.
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A pedicurist, or maybe a Podiatry tech can clip your mom's toenails.
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Thank you, I feel so much less alone, I feel guilty about and bring angry and I am frightened that will make a mistake with husband's care so your venting of your feelings is a great help.
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Glad you took the time to just vent!! This is a great place for that. God Blesses; take care.
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