Demented mother with irrational fears. How do I help?

Get her doctor involved. Having irrational fears and paranoia is not a good thing for HER, needless to say, nor you. When my mother with advanced dementia was Sundowning, she'd get very difficult to deal with and demand to see her (dead) loved ones and to go to their homes. She would not take no for an answer. I didn't say to myself, Gee whiz, there is nothing that can be done for the demented old woman, so just ignore her! Instead, I called her doctor who prescribed Ativan .25 mgs. That medication helped mom A LOT. She calmed down a great deal and became a lot easier to speak to and to deal with. When her agitation spiked up once again, the Ativan dose was increased to .5 mgs and again calmed her right down.

If your profile is discussing your loved one with dementia, then she's 101 and already living in a Nursing Home, which does not automatically 'cure' the situation she's experiencing. Medication is warranted in this situation, nursing home or not. My mom lived in Memory Care when I got her doctor involved, and also got hospice on board to help. When she began her end of life journey, morphine was added to the Ativan when she was feeling pain, and that brought her total relief from all of her discomfort, both mental and physical.

Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation.

There are no magical solutions when dealing with irrational people with dementia. It's more difficult than handling regular mentally ill people. With the mentally ill, antipsychotics can be used to the maximum strength. With old people with dementia, if they are given too much the can die. Furthermore, psychotropic medicines make cognitive symptoms much worse. The management of psychotic symptoms in dementia is a delicate balance of benefits vs risks. Treatment is always insufficient and frustrating. Unmanageable people with dementia, need to be placed in facilities that offer control in a safe environment. They can't be managed at home.

It’s impossible to deal rationally with an irrational person. Don’t even try. Realize that she’s showing symptoms of her disease and describe what is happening to her doctor. Ask for meds for her. She needs professionals to take care of her, so if she’s not in a care facility, you should start looking for one. You really cannot fix this by yourself.