Dealing with father's PTSD.

Dads PTSD should have been dealt with a long time ago. And as said, this is now Dementia and I agree these people have no idea what they are talking about. I would wonder if they have had any training in Dementia. Dad could be in a loop. You can redirect him and as said, see about increasing his meds.

Ok, I now have a bit more info.
Since dad has dementia, you cant expect him to change what he is doing.
Since he also has hearing difficulty and that does not seem like that will change.
What you might want to do is wear earbuds (less obvious than noise cancelling headphones) and nod as he is talking, an occasional "oh" or "gee" could be tossed in as well.
This way you are not subjected to his stories...that you have heard before that are upsetting.
I doubt that wearing earbuds while visiting will prevent you from missing anything important. Anything different or urgent I am sure the facility and or Hospice will fill you in.

I understand that things are tough for him. He has been through a lot. I certainly understand how this is equally difficult for you to listen to him rehash these unpleasant things.

We all have our limits of what we can emotionally handle. I dealt with this from a friend of mine. We have been friends for decades but I found myself becoming very anxious and drained after visiting her.

While I wanted to be empathetic with her I knew that I had reached my threshold.

I had to tell her that I cared about her but that I wasn’t her therapist. I was honest with her and said that I was completely exhausted from my visits with her.

Sadly, my friend was not interested in seeking out a therapist or taking meds.

The only thing that I can think of telling you in your situation is to do what I did, which was to limit visiting. Keep your visit short.

Check with the doctor to see if a change in medication would help.

Wishing you peace as you continue your caregiving journey.

If dad has a hospice SW, then he also has a hospice RN you need to speak to about increasing his anti anxiety medication immediately. It's harmful to HIM as well as you to be dwelling on these dreadful stories and languishing in misery all the time. I'd rather see my loved one sleeping in peace more often due to meds than carrying on about horror stories non-stop, wouldn't you? The AL he's in employs staff that are obviously clueless about dementia and how to deal with it, which is unfortunate. Disregard their advice of not redirecting him when he's making these speeches, because this isn't about "PTSD", it's about dementia......2 completely different things.

Best of luck to you.

He is no longer in control of his brain. Even when he was this is the choice he made. The pathways through his neurons is now firmly set. You aren't going to change this. There was a gentleman with this syndrome where my brother was in ALF, and he wasn't "stuck" on traumatic incidents, but on the story of his birth and childhood, and it would get repeated over and over in the same script. Everyone was kind, but kind of took turns if you know what I mean.

Your loved one is in an ALF now. So visit a bit more briefly and understand that this is it. I would imagine discussion with MD and some mild anti-depressants have already been tried, and not worked? This is all that's left of the loved on you had. You won't change it. It is what it is. I know it's tough to see.

You say that your father has dementia, which means his brain is now broken and all the "counseling" in the world won't help with what you're describing.
I guess you could talk to his doctor about some kind of medication, but I would just keep redirecting the conversation towards something more positive.
And those people that say "never interrupt or subject change" obviously have never dealt with anyone with dementia. Just ignore those folks and keep on interrupting and changing the subject to more positive things.
And it may not hurt for you to better educate yourself about dementia so you can better deal what lies ahead with your father.
Best wishes and Merry Christmas!

If he is already on meds, won't wear hearing aids and won't be redirected then if you decide to go visit him you just need to accept that this is the scenario no matter what -- and then you make the decision to visit or not. He won't change (and IMO redirecting certainly is something you can attempt to do but him being deaf probably won't help this tactic).

What is the point of the visits, anyway? If it's to check on his condition and treatment in hospice, then do a recognizance visit and leave (and wear earplugs if that helps, or have someone else go). If you think it is benefiting him emotionally or "socially"... maybe not? Does he even remember you visited? Does it matter to him that he yelled his trauma stories at you or just a staff member?

Lots of things about EOL are so very hard... you have very valid reasons for limiting your visits so please don't feel guilty for minimizing your exposure. One can only take so much. My Aunt with advanced dementia (who helped to raise me) was accusing us of trying to kill her when we were orbiting around her, giving her excellent care in the comfort of her own home by 2 cousins she knew well and loved. May you receive peace in your heart as you decide how to handle it.

I am in agreement with Barb.
This is a time when anti anxiety medications can be helpful.
It can't be "comforting" for your dad to be talking about all the horrific events that have gone on in his life.
I also think having a therapist "visit" him as a "friend" might help. You could ask at the AL facility if they have any therapists or counselors that do regular visits.
In the meantime when dad begins these stories I think it is perfectly fine to redirect. And in this case it might be along the lines of ..
"Gee dad I have to go soon, do you want to go for a little walk before I have to leave?"
or
Pick up on something he said earlier and interrupt with this..."You mentioned that you are running low on coffee can I take a look?"
or
If he is cognizant and he knows what he is saying is upsetting just flat out tell him..."Dad, I have told you before that I do not want to listen to that story again. I am going to leave now." Get your coat and leave.

Has your father been seen by a geriatric psychiatrist?

I would not listen to what "some people" say; I would get some expert advice and possibly meds to give your father some peace.