I'm new here, trying to find some support or at least a spot to vent about my crazy situation. My husband always dealt with major life stress in his bottle. Two family members passed in 2020, he started drinking tons, not eating too much and since Covid put his job on hold he sat around watching Netflix, wasting away then put in for early retirement. And of course, screaming at anyone that might mention he should take care of himself because he like most alcoholics doesn't have a problem.
Last year he basically burned his body out. Trip to the ER found he developed liver failure and that his body had even been pulling from his bones to survive. He couldn't behave enough for me to even work part-time before we got him sorta stable or at least not seeing lil green men in the house. He played around refusing to eat if something wasn't just perfect. Best example is eggs, over easy to be specific, if the yoke broke even just on the plate he'd tell me throw it out and do it again.
He tells everyone he speaks to that I won't buy food, cook ect to the point I'm scared someone will eventually call APS if they don't understand he's basically crazy. Claiming I starve him to death while he's got a table full of snacks and regular meals, even if they're not at regular times because he doesn't sleep at night anymore. He's obsessed with me going shopping for food even if I put what he's asking for in his hands, he doesn't want to eat it but I've got to buy more. We have a full pantry, fridge and freezer. He always needs the one thing I don't have and once I buy it he doesn't want it.
I've been physically hurt moving him - ribs out of place, back going out and hip problems. His denial means he's convinced he can walk ect but reality is I'm carrying most his weight so I started refusing because there is no one else to do anything! Seriously people offer to help with outside chores but it's constant diapers that are breaking my body and nobody wants to do those. And he actively tries to make it worse at times. He'd do things like pee off side of the bed because it's just water and resist rolling for diaper changes if he was mad about not getting his way about something. And he's convinced my injuries are fake or not his fault. My personal favorite is telling me if I'm not doing what he wants he'll divorce me, shocked I asked who's going to take care of you and he said divorces take a long time. He actually thought he could divorce me but keep me as a slave until it was finalized.
Somehow he believes my not working for 11 months and only recently going back for 2 short shifts per week is about my injuries or being lazy. And through all of this knowing he has liver failure (which has progressed despite him mostly not drinking) he asks everyone that visits to bring him alcohol and is obsessed with getting to and checking old booze hiding spots. Just had a doctor's appointment about him without him present to ask about just going ahead and giving him what he wants and letting him drink hard liquor again. And how to manage meds if hes drinking. I'm at whits end and obviously being dry and having someone prepare him food isn't fixing the situation after a year and he won't follow any plans to help him. It feels wrong to buying someone dying of liver failure booze but it's been a year of horribly angry alcoholic that wants his drink more than he wants to live.
What did the doctor say about “letting him drink hard liquor again”? Quite honestly it seems reasonable to me. It is probably very wrong to provide it deliberately on the table. But from the sound of it, you still have visitors and he asks them to bring liquor. He also ‘checks old booze hiding spots’. Perhaps he could find a couple of dozen bottles of spirits?
What happens if you are physically unable to care for him?
"Just had a doctor's appointment about him without him present to ask about just going ahead and giving him what he wants and letting him drink hard liquor again. And how to manage meds if hes drinking."
What did the doctor say?
How much longer do you think he will live?
(And to think you took care of HIS parents..._)
Look online. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, but when you are trying to maneuver someone, to hold them steady, it helps.
you may want to check out harbor freight, for a belt or something they sell to people who lift heavy things.
Yes, I know the damage is done; your ribs etc.. have you tried getting a massage? (like you have time).
I’m sorry you’re going through that.
I desperately tried to help him. I ended up having to walk away. I couldn’t take any more of his crap.
You may end up having to walk away as well.
Have you spoken to a therapist about your situation? It might help. I went to a therapist and I found that it does help to discuss these issues with an objective individual who has experience with these issues.
I would also attend Al-Anon. It helps to speak with others who have walked in your shoes.
Best wishes to you.