How do you cope with caregiver stress?

Well I have slept, 2 hours, I feel a little less stressed than before so sorry about that peeps....I just find this constant show timing the very worst and most frustrating. I have now been through her boxes (she keeps them by her side and they are private (or at least I thought they were)so I had never been in them out of respect. There are just rammed full of sweets. What I don't know is where she gets them from. The only places it can be is when she goes to church. Note to self for today. Ring the church folk and tell them NOT to buy her sweets. This is going to be hell on earth I think but Im not having this. She keeps saying she wants to just have drinks. Not so sure though when I said thats fine ut you won't be having cake, biscuits and cheese, sweets or chocolate......not so much a question of can't eat but doesn't want to eat good for you stuff. Talk about going back into childhood!

Reading posts brings me back down memory lane. My Mom was the same way with the sweets. Her taste buds faded off I guess, with her age or the alz. She was addicted to skittles when she first moved in with me 8 years ago. She wouldnt go to sleep or daycare without them and we had so many many laughs over it. (so did the daycare!) I wish I could post a picture because she woke up with them stuck all over her nightgown! When she rolled over at night they went klingkling all over the (Laminate) floor and my son downstairs in his basement bedroom would laugh. I got her one of those little 3 drawer plastic bureaus for next to her bed . It was stocked with what we all brought her, this was her pride and joy stash. To keep the peace, she ate when wanted and I agreed with everything she said, in fact, I emphasized on how smart she was, even if it was very stupid thinking, just to see her smile. We all know what their rage and anger looks like! When she had her sundowners "run around the house bouts", and pulled on the chained doors, I ran and hid. She was like an insana maniac, a totally different person and there was no reasoning with that, it just had to get out of her system itself! If she found me she would scream at me, then when she couldnt get outside she sat down with exhaustion, fell asleep and in 10 mins would say "hello honey" , yup didnt remember a thing. Even thou she cannot talk/walk anymore, and I puree her foods, her eyes light up when I feed her lemon cake pureed with vanilla yogurt, or a small ice cream. Too much sweet now makes her choke so its a fine line on what she can have. When I see the twinkle in her eye with something pureed somewhat sweet, I know my Mom is still in there.
ON another note, yesterday she tried to lay down after I lifted her onto the toilet yesterday to poop. Head on windowsill, legs out straight and poopin. Here I am trying to hold her up and clean her, push her legs back in, lift her head. etc. Both my husband and I had a good cry together once she was hoyered safely into her recliner again, first time together crying, it can be so brutal, this stress is horrible sometimes. Why do I get her up when she cannot walk? because she is so hard to roll, like a bag of sand and to clean up a poop in bed is so difficult! Then....after all the stress and she is in her cutie little furry pjs and tucked into bed I cant stop kissing her and the stress melts away again, until the next time. How do we deal, I have no idea.
XO to all.
RR

Holycrapola I wrote a lot, sorry!

Reverseroles, That is exactly how to deal with caregiver stress!
You have just reminded me of that!
Some of the healthiest coping on AC has been done just by writing it all out, and frequently. Then, someone with similar (or identical stressors) jumps in, and then there are two, sharing the burden makes it lighter. There are more than two, there is all of us!
Hoping your burdens are cut in half. Your comments about the stress melting away after tucking them in was so heartwarming.

...

I like chocolate more than any medication, ever!
Yes, chocolate works for me.

Jude, hun, you are too good for this. You might want to try some of my caregiving philosophies.
1) A cat will eat peanut butter if it gets hungry enough. Sounds a bit cruel, but I cook a nutritious dinner. If my mother doesn't want to eat it, fine, she can make something else for herself. My mother would have me jumping through hoops if she thought I would make her something different. And she would enjoy the circus.
2) People who cannot toilet themselves need professional care. This is because I am not going to do it. Sorry, but I can't think of anyone I like well enough to do that.
3) If someone is acting hateful, it is time for me to walk away. I'm a caregiver, not a verbal punching bag or a playmate to be bullied. I am totally grown up and no longer ruled by my parents.
4) I am very important and worthy of respect. If someone can't respect me, they don't deserve my attention. This is so important for caregivers. We can sacrifice our self esteem and respect if we get too involved in the caregiving role. We can feel much anger and resentment when we are being disrespected. We are not wrong to feel this anger. It is trying to tell us that we are being harmed and need to take care of ourselves. We deserve respect from ourselves and the person we are helping. If they can't respect us, they don't deserve us.
5) And it is not just the disease. I don't like when someone tells me it's the disease, because I know they are just trying to make themselves comfortable. We know what is the disease and what is the person. If we need to walk away and get out the peanut butter, then that's what we should do.

Oh Jessie if only
1) - she would be quite happy to live on her sweet stash FOR EVER!
2) - She needs professional care
3) it is time for me to walk away
4) While I suppose I am very important and worthy of respect, child abuse and years of denigration mean I haven't got to that point although I know it exists - just not in me
5) You're right there too JB

The trouble is that over the years I have been here and because I had never looked into it in advance - and I beat myself up daily for that, I was stupid enough to pay quite a high rent to Mum to cover food and board. Of course now I realise she should have been paying me but it is what it is. My equity from the sale of my house is now sitting in HER bank account and if I put her into a NH I would make myself homeless. Its just a horrible mess and it is ALL MY OWN FAULT and even my darling lawyer says there is no way I can get it back out! Deep joy

Tacy; It's time to walk away. Permanently. Sorry to sound like a broken record.

Tacy, my dad hates drinking water. I finally persuaded him to drink water by the plastic bottle. When I read your comment, I thought that maybe this can work for you. Several thermos filled with cold water. Fill it up and place it next to them. Easy to open the cover and pour. And if the sons are concerned, they are more than welcomed to come over and see to their parents' needs.

tacy I go in the garage and scream


MORE NOW THAN EVER!!!

or I come on here and vent it out which oddly enough really does work

As of lately, things I am doing to counterreact stress are maintaining a daily journal, meditating when things are quite and feel sense of peace, trying to keep positive thinking at my brains forefront, because it seems to forget often so i just remind myself to think positive and it may be positive. We just had a new Hobby lobby go up near my area so i plan to go check it out soon. i love artwork, and scrapbooking so sure i will come out with couple bags of "distractions"!!Last and not least at all is prayer. Just keep praying, and he'll keep listening! Keep on keeping on, because really its all we can do! Lets keep this topic going. When people come to read over the comments it really helps to see ideas that you want to try to help allieviate stress. Much love & light friends:-)