Follow
Share
Read More
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Time for a family meeting. Discuss your concerns, pick your battles wisely because it's hard to find a caregiver that shows up consistently. With dementia patients that is key. You can put an iron on label in the back of items of clothing that are hand wash as a reminder or provide a separate hamper for those and someone in the family will do them.

As far as the fights being caused by her, she is just a kid and needs some guidelines to follow that can be agreed upon during your family meeting. Then have a family member sit down with her and explain the situation.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Is she good to your mother, does your mother like her, does she show up and on time, pick your battles if your looking for perfection trust me it's not there. There is good and bad in all of us try to see the good in her.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

Great advice here but I'd like to stick up for younger people. A university that uses my book in their gerontology class to help humanize the family caregiving experience invites me to talk with the class just before graduation each year.

All of these young people have done internships and most are CNAs who've worked their way through college by caring for elders. Ninety percent are passionate about the people they care for.

That being said, this particular woman doesn't fit that mold and should be talked to in a business like way, monitored and if she doesn't shape up, fired.

Older caregivers can be wonderful, but what I'm saying is that age isn't the issue - the person is. One older aide slept on the couch during the time she was supposed to be working and smoked in the house (and denied it). Others, of course, are real jewels who love elders.

Finding perfection only happens once in awhile. Finding someone who at least does the work with a smile and listens is great. Maybe this young woman could improve with guidance – maybe not.

Good luck with this situation. The brothers are a problem here for sure.
Carol
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I respectfully disagree w CM. You need help, not anothe kid to raise. There are a lot of people looking for jobs, fire this one and give someone else an opportunity.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I agree with many of the posts here. I would be concerned with her age, but more importantly with her lack of training in caring for elderly patients... things will get worse and she will not know how to manage dementia, sundowning, agitation, etc. etc. I have also found with my father (89), older caregivers are better able to converse and relate with him than younger ones. And if one caregiver is sick, etc. the service is responsible for a substitute on that day. This does not sound like a situation that is sustainable for the long term.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Simple, get rid of her.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

If it were me I'd get a nanny cam (hidden camera) to see what's up. If there's nothing going on great. Nothing you need to address then. If she's lying and you're recording the proof or catch her doing something she's not supposed to do, show your brothers and insist she be fired.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Review the expectations of the caregiver with your family. Work together to find the best care for your mother. Point out what she is doing and where the shortcoming and gaps are. Then... do not hesitate to fire her. In your home, in your family, hold the standards high and do NOT tolerate misbehavior. It could get very bad if you don't act early. Get to work on finding someone who is trustworthy and does the job... find and hire a replacement. There are very good people out there who will do a very good job for you.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Kimberley, she's 23: what does she know about anything?

If you have a better alternative to propose, go ahead and propose it.

On the other hand. "Not being honest" and "putting mother's knits in the dryer" appearing so close to each other like that make me wonder what the substance of this drama is, exactly. What is she not being honest about? Shrunken woollens? Cor strike a light how did that happen nothing to do with me I swear cross my heart… That kind of not honest?

Don't get me wrong: my MIL's housekeeper put my heirloom cashmere baby blanket - the kind you could pull through your wedding ring - in the dryer and it emerged the size of a small pocket handkerchief only made of felt. I was LIVID. I am not underestimating how stressful it is to have somebody in the house you can't trust to carry out even the most basic tasks.

You're stunned that your brothers believe her version of events over yours. So would I be, if that were what is actually happening. But it isn't. What's actually happening is that your brothers have found an easy solution to the problem of what to do about mother, and they are reluctant to let it go. That would mean more work, more time, more effort while you all come up with something better; not to mention the unpleasant prospect of firing cutie-pop; and the fact is that they think that good enough will have to do and they can't be bothered with it. So it's not that they don't *believe* you, it's that they don't think it matters a rat's wotsit what is going on as long as mother isn't covered in bruises and it doesn't involve work for them.

Meanwhile, cutie-pop sees sweet little old lady that she's taking brilliant care of, plus nice brothers who praise her constantly, versus evil witch hag who is giving her a hard time (evil witch hag is you, in case you didn't recognise yourself from the description!). Cutie-pop has a lot to learn.

So, how about teaching her? Imagine she's a difficult child whom, without anyone consulting you, you've been tasked with bringing up to scratch. There would be considerable satisfaction in improving her knowledge, skills and - oh my goodness - attitude. Remember that you are the grown up in this relationship and that it is up to you to help her learn. Forget your brothers, go to work on her. Hint: you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar :) Start with praise for anything she *is* getting right, would be my tip.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

From your description of your concerns your brother is taking the lead with your mothers care. Dishonesty is a problem and should not be tolerated. Additionally, the level of experience of someone this young could be limited. The primary focus for you and your brother working together should be the level of care your mother receives. Don't let sibling squabbles get in the way of your mothers care. Both of you need to work hard to stay above that as you calmly discuss your mothers care. To many families are broken apart when they should be pulling together and understanding cow they can work together to care for a mother they both love.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Set up a Daily Program or List required for her - called duties. On a separate paper, include what these duties are - as in specifics of doing it the Preferred Way. This includes the sweater and dryer. Be specific on the 2nd page. Then, at the end of her day, you can go through it, and check mark. Any deviation - Mark it also. Do Not Be So Nit Picking. If you make it too rigid, even your brothers would say, "You expect her to do all this - like that?! She's not a robot." etc....

If she doesn't do it, can you take photos on your cellphone, download and date it and keep it on file for future reference - like when it's time to fire her?
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

Easy peasy...Fire her today. You'll find another and more capable person pronto...older ladies work well for us...they loooove my wife.....
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

A drastic pay cut is in order.
Document, document in writing to her, then FIRE her.
Review her written contract and revise if necessary should you be dumb enough not to dump her. There is a written engagement contract, isn't there?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

She's 23? Cute and a hottie?? Smack brothers upside the head?? I may be wrong but I can;t imagine many 23 year olds are mature enough to care for a pt with dementia. She probably never did laundry before..LOL. She needs to rethink who her boss is.. if you are living in the home, and not brothers. I think I would have to come up with alot more chores to keep her too busy to butt in, or to make her quit if brothers wont come around. Maybe tell her ruined clothes come out of her pay?
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

It's hard to find good caregivers, especially ones that are reliable and show up on time. If she is reliable and shows up on time, you may just want to have a talk with her, and see if you can get her on-track.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Sounds like dysfunctional brothers dealing with a dysfunctional sitter. That is a bad combination. I guess they must of hired her? She really needs to be fired. How much more drama and what kind of drama do they need before they will fire her? Must she steal something? I guess that you have talked with them and they will not listen.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Wish I could but 2 brothers apparently haven't had enough drama yet!!! I pray a lot
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Fire her sooner rather than later.
Helpful Answer (6)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter