My mother is 90 yrs old and still living on her own, But, what do I do when she needs a place to live. I love her very much and would pay for someone to care for her but she wants to live with me but we have never been able to get along. I have always helped her financially but I am disabled and she hates me being in bed. She expects me to sit up all day and entertain her, prepare her meals and and be there as if I were her nurse. And if I come to my room t rest, she is offended and says I am not taking care of her. But, she is able to do for hers self. She believes because she lives with me (her daughter) I should treat her as a guest in my home and if I don't, she thinks she is being neglected. But, what about my peace and quiet and rest and sanity? I don't think they would allow her in a nursing home because she would not get along with a roommate or the staff. So, what do daughters do with mothers like this. I hate feeling guilty?
There are no magic answers, no magic pills, no way around it... guilt is our constant companion along with our elders... or we can learn to say, "you can't make me feel guilty for not feeling guilty'... I wonder how many of us really don't feel guilt, but think we do, or say we do, when we really don't.... I have some guilt about my son, none about my dad....but do on occasion feel bad for being so tired and the tone of my voice upsets S... don't know if that's guilt or not... I just try not to do it again.... so I hope you think long and hard before you do something you already know isn't going to work..... what's the worst that can happen???? She is already unhappy , so this shouldn't be a stone in your path.... good luck....
Here is a sad truth about caregiving: you are going to feel guilty. Caregiving is full of lots of imperfect choices, and no matter what you do there will be reasons it isn't exactly the right thing. (The right thing is to have your loved one healthy and of sound mind again. Since that can't happen, nothing measures up.)
Don't worry about nursing homes allowing her there ... they are extremely experienced at dealing with difficult people.
Since you have been contributing to your mother financially, will she have difficulty affording a care center on her own? You might consider looking into applying for Medicaid, before the need arises. (Just get ready, not necessarily submit an application.)