Mom is 85 years old, she was in the hospital for 11 days, I rescued her and brought her with me. She is getting better, but my blood pressure has gone up, my life has been given fullen to this woman. She feels I owe her for years ago, I am constantly getting her back to health, I am tired. I can't do it anymore.
My sister has offered to help her move, get her set up in an apartment or AL - and my Mom has the funds for it -- and I'm just going to have to DO it. I've been thinking of selling my home just to get her out of it. But it's my home and I like it here, with the wild critters, the beautiful lake behind my house ... and my husband and I worked so hard to pay for it.
I so wish I could get her to move and go visit HER, for a change. Heck, I might even go into her kitchen, make a huge mess -- then leave. :)
Once she was there, though, I was able to sleep all night, getting my rest and functioning much better than when she was here 24/7. I was able to be much more patient and loving with her, and supportive of her needs, because my needs were being met. I visit her at least 3 times a week and have a smile on my face the whole time. She is glad to see me and we do fun things. I don't have to be nagging her to brush her teeth, take a bath, eat her food, etc.
I'd be of no use to her if I weren't strong both mentally and physically. Her social security and pension are enough to pay the AL monthly expenses. She has her own privacy, with assistance for bathing, dressing, and medications on site. Plus, there are activities every day. She tells me how wonderful the staff is. They think she's adorable. And she is very sweet to them.
I know that many caregivers swear that they will never put their parent or spouse in "one of those places." But really, if you, the caregiver are stressed and sad and unwell, you might want to explore your options. The stimulation, attention, and interaction with residents and staff at a facility can work wonders for a lonely elderly person.
I have enabled her to get this way. It's my own fault. I would like to have just one month without hearing her voice or seeing her and that may sound terrible to those of you who have lost your mothers. I'm sorry. I'm saturated with her, with her constant advice, her constant instructions about everything. Her stories .. over and over and over ....
I'm just tired. I want energy. I want to travel. I want to do some things I want to do.
Sounds like you're fried. Wish your profile specified your Mom's medical conditions so we can all give you useful tips and fuel your hopes things will get better. Whatever the case may be, she must start taking responsibility for her own health. Make a list of the things she can -- & will!! -- do for herself, and see if you can expand the current support network.
not match the question asked. Maybe the manager
needs to see if things are not going haywire.
Good luck, and take care of yourself - you are giving so much of yourself. You deserve some R&R!
I realize that care giving is a challenge, but I miss talking with my mom and while I can now it is not a meaningful conversation. So I miss her and she is alive, my siblings do not get what is going on yet and that sadness me.
My husband lost his mother to vascular dementia and he made the choice to see her twice a week after his dad put her in a nursing home. My husband now has a lot of guilt over not spending more time with his mother.
So one has to ask themselves do you want to handle the situation now or have guilt later on. My husband's mother has been gone for about 5 or 6 years now and his guilt is no less today than it was then. I am going to have some siblings that have some guilt when mom is truly gone, I have tried to talk with them and they do not want to hear.
Some of my days are a real challenge and I feel very overwhelmed, but I know that I am doing the right thing. I also know that the feelings will pass, I have this group to talk with and my friends. I have a couple of friends that have been caregivers and have now lost their parents, so I talk with them frequently.
My husband and I now use the expression that it is a new normal when my mom's behavior changes. It is not easy to watch, but the woman that was really my mother is gone and what she is now is more childlike behavior and more of the child I did not have.
So when one gets overwhelmed and tired, I just try to remember why I do what I do and why I care for my mom. It is not a task for the faint of heart, but I know that I am doing what is right. This is how I move on when the days get tough and I know that when she is gone that I will have done my best. I will let my siblings deal with their guilt because of their choices.