Is anyone else lost?

Everyone, now is not the time to bicker amongst each other about the semantics of this discussion! This site is a God send for those of us who are looking for guidance, help and truly beneficial information. For the most part this is achieved by understanding our caregiving community. We must be there to support one another because we will all NEED that support at one time or another. Let's do what this forum does best : rally around Sandy with the most insightful info we can share with her because we have all felt that heavy burden and if not for the wisdom of others, still be laden with unimaginable guilt and pain. Sandy do whatever u have to do to rejuvenate : get respite, ask a family member for help, reach out to your elder services organizatios, reach out to church groups if you are involved, whatever it takes dear you must do to give yourself the time to find YOU again. You are not alone .blessings.

I hope you get some help with your apparent depression. We always think of the holidays with happiness, joy but when you are dealing with loved ones that can no longer take care of themselves, and they can't feel the enjoyment anymore of the holidays, it can be very sad. And if you are the major caretaker, you will find it hard to be happy when dealing with so much on your plate. God is watching over you BUT you still have to take care of you. I pray that you will call someone (office of aging, hospice or whomever in your area) for some help to relieve your stress and help you to make a plan so that you can "find yourself" and get better. there is no shame in asking for help. God bless you

I know just how u r feeling my feelings of stress and anxiety have got worse these last thrèe years although ive been caring for mum for 12 years christmas is always the worst time especially this one as i lost my dad in march

Pam -Wow, telling someone off who is obviously depressed & using words like suicide & murder while mentioning problems she will never face, looks like YOU belong in the loony bin. Sandy is telling you where she is at & wasting her time with b.s is not going to help her. Salisbury, you can join Pam too. Sandy sounds like she is at her breaking point & if you can't be more compassionate & understanding then you both belong elsewhere. Here's a thought, why don't you both crawl back in the hole you came out of?

Sandy, I hear you. Caregiving is not easy. You are putting someone else's needs above your own while trying to live your own life. There is the worry & the stress. I am not going to confuse you with being cold-hearted. You are doing a selfless thing & I commend you. Now, you need to put yourself first. I would look into respite care. It's only for a few days but that may be all you need to recharge. Use that time to consult your doctor about how you are feeling because the situation you are in is not going to get better. There are also local agencies that can provide you with extra care & relieve some of your burden. Also, you need to find something in each day that is about you & only you. That could mean joining a gym, going for a run, taking a walk, yoga, just something you enjoy & the focus is only about you. Sandy, please know that you are not alone & it will end. You will come out an even better person.

Who's out of. Line I'm not. That was a sincere way of telling telling her to hang on and be strong
It was to her and meant deeply to the bottom of my heart nothing negative sorry if u took it that way if she feels I have offended Her let her please tell me I giving my support in a very loving manor

Sandy, please get to a psychiatrist now to deal with your depression. Things will get better if you get some professional help. Best wishes!

Sandy.....hold on...meaning...its going to be ok. You are not alone! You are apparently under alot of stress.
Contact your doctor for medical support and know people care about your well being...peace...happiness and life.
For now, take one day at a time.
Blessings to you. Please know you are gonna be alright.

Melanie7, you are way out of line writing to Pam that way. She is a faithful contributor to this site and continues to be a godsend to so many of us, and if you don't like the way she expresses herself, then kindly keep your self-righteousness to yourself.

I don't recall inviting you to editorialize. If editorializing is what we do here, then I feel free to say that wouldn't change Pam OR her way of expressing herself for anything.

Please reach out for help whether it be thru a doctor support group and mean no disrespect
UR religion of choice group. My husband and I take care of both our aging mothers with health conditions with no support from either side of the families. Spouse has lost control of himself and has walked out on me cause he couldn't handle it
But of course all blame goes on me. I have a heart condition and also been raising niece since she was 3 months old she is now 14. Be strong for yourself and seek help I am as we speak. They need u but u still need yourself first. Don't loose that it's hard to pull back up. Bless u and I will lifting u up that you can come thru this

That should have read "side argument" above. 😳

I do not want to get into a battle of words here, I apoligize to Sandy for letting myself get distracted by a side agreement.
The really important thing here is that you receive the help and support you need. It is very easy to understand that doing what you do, caring for an elderly relative day in and day out is overwhelming. Sometimes you don't know where to turn and things seem hopeless. You need to know that the majority of the people on this site are supportive and want to listen and if possible offer a word of advice. Don't give up and walk away. You won't feel better in the end. You do , however, deserve a break. Try to find someone (or several some bodies) to give you a break. The way my sisters and I handle our mom's care is to start by deciding which one of us is going to act as the lead contact person and caregiver. We are extremely lucky because there are 3 of us to share the work. My elder sister is the executrix of the estate so it seemed logical that she take the leading role. She has mom's POA and is single so she could live with mom when it became necessary. I am the middle sister and have been given medical POA. Our younger sister is a P. T. & was given POA over end of life decisions. I do realize how lucky the 3 of us are that we live in the same city and that we can spread our talents out to help take the best care of mom possible.
If there is anyone else in the mix to help with your mom, please enlist them. They may feel that they aren't needed because you've handled things too well so far. If there aren't any relatives to enlist, research what help your mom qualifies for so you can get a break from time to time. Sometimes just knowing that a break is upcoming helps you get through a early tough day without becoming overwhelmed and feeling buried in your surcumstances. Good luck with your search. Come back and update us as often as you can. {{{HUGS}}}

Salisbury, I do not consider telling a person who is so obviously suffering from depression and came to this site for some support to call a hospice service and tell them you need a "looney bin" good advice. Nor is throwing all the things they are NOT experiencing like Ebola or being in a hole in the ground in Afghanistan in their face as a convincing
example of how things aren't so bad. I don't see the support or advice in those statements.

Just wondering, Sandy, did you got stressed and depressed at Christmas time before this?

I ask because since I've been here with Mom (11 years and counting), I've become depressed Thanksgiving through Christmas and then feel anxious (more so than usual) the next couple of months after that. Don't know why exactly but it may be related to family visiting and money worries.

The thing is that caregiving for a 96-year-old dementia patient at high risk of falling keeps me just at the edge of my tolerance. Then when something else happens -- such as visitors, holidays, unexpected expenses, etc. -- I get pushed beyond what I can stand.

This year, with those past experiences behind me, I've done better at recognizing the desperate feelings when they come up. I remind myself that these feelings are mine and have nothing to do with anybody else. Life happens and I'm in control of how I react to it. (This is a work in progress.)

Perhaps time will make you better able to cope. Meanwhile, definitely seek a diagnosis, counseling and medication. Experimentation may be necessary to get the right mix of drugs so please be patient. Blessings to you for quick relief in the current crisis. Please keep us posted.

Pam, that was good advice.

(& here is the rest of my sentence...) who care and are caring by nature.

Are you feeling better? Were you able to receive some respite? You are not alone, in feeling like walking or running away. Please let us know how you are doing today. There are many people here

Pam-Your answers are usually cold and blunt but this latest one is about as COLD AND CRUEL as I could imagine. Obviously Sandy22 is suffering and reached out for some compassion and understanding from this sight and what you gave her was a slap across the face. I can only hope that she takes your answer and discards it for the garbage that it is.
Sandy-please reach out to anyone who can give you some relief and time off. I have been in your position and I can only tell you that you are not alone. Many of us have been there. While it does seem that things a hopeless and escape seems like the only option, know that a respite from the situation will give you some perspective. You desperately need a break. Try to find a way to get one. Your mom will be ok while you are gone. Call for respite care from a hospice and try to hang on until arrangements are made. Don't give up, what you are feeling is the result of being overly tired and feeling trapped in your situation. A break will give you the perspective you need to gain control of the situation and maybe plan for some regular help. I don't know whether that comes from hired help or a family member stepping up to help. Remember-you are important and you deserve better. Unfortunately, sometimes you have to go out and get it for yourself, it doesn't come to you without asking.

Gosh I know that feeling. You know there are more murders and suicides at Christmas than at any other time of year. Definitely a cup-half-empty time of year. So let's look at what is still in the cup? You aren't sitting in a hole in Afghanistan. You're not watching your babies die of Ebola. The tsunami has not swept away your village yet.
Still you are overwhelmed. So for today, flip off the laundry, don't clean the floor. Call the Hospice nurse and tell them you need some RESPITE or a looney bin, their choice. Just do it.

sandy22, you are in a very deep state of depression. Do you have a doctor who is treating your depression? You need to call your doctor's office and inform the doctor how deep your depression is. If you don't have a doctor, then call 911 and get yourself some medical help.