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She is 90. I'm stressed about things she tells ppl on the phone. Example...


Today she told a family member she is always alone and hasn't seen anyone all day. She went with my parents to church this morning and saw many friends. I was cooking a special meal she likes in the kitchen and overheard her complaining. Yesterday our whole family went out to dinner together. Day before, we took her, my mom and daughter to lunch and shopping. She goes to my mom's to visit twice a week. I don't know what she expects.

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Mommom could also be playing people like a fiddle in order to gain sympathy, using the Poor Poor Pitiful Me card. Dont discount that possibility for a moment!

What sort of "legalities" are you stressing out about with regard to moving grandma in with you? If it were me, I'd be worrying about losing my privacy, my mind, my autonomy, etc.....with legalities being at the very end of the list. There are a ton of things to consider before doing such a thing, ESPECIALLY if you think dementia is a factor! That's a real game changer, even for people who have lots of patience and experience dealing with dementia behaviors!
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ChrisVA Apr 2022
Sorry the profile was old because I couldn't figure out how to fix it. But you could be right. She is not stupid and likes attention. I have started posting more pictures of her on FB so "her family can say hi". Truly it is too show she is healthy, well cared for and she is rarely truly "alone". But I had not thought about that angle. Thank you.
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Her PCP can refer her to someone to evaluate her cognition. At her age, it would not be at all surprising if she did have dementia. But they can rule out things like a B12 deficiency, low thyroid and that meds aren't creating the confusion, etc.
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BarbBrooklyn is right, she needs a diagnosis so that you know what you're dealing with and will have best strategies to help her. Did you know that a UTI can cause dementia-like symptoms but is treatable? They're extremely common in elderly women and not necessarily because of hygiene, has to do more with changes in older physiology. Other health problems that can cause dementia-like symptoms in the elderly are: dehydration, vitamin deficiency, thyroid issues, over- or under-medicatating, diabetes, high blood pressure, tumor, etc. This is why she should have a thorough exam and discount all these other possible causes. Then she should have a cognitive/memory test.

My 86-yr old MIL is in LTC. Once we were visiting her and while there her other son from out of state called. She told him nobody ever visits her...while we were standing right in the room. She has mild dementia and a lot of short-term memory impairment.

I learned a lot from Teepa Snow videos on YouTube. She's an expert on dementia and focuses on positive caregiving tactics. She gives excellent explanations of how dementia changes our LOs, which causes them to say and do the things they do, and gives guidance on how to interact with them in calm and productive ways for better daily engagement. I wish you much success in getting an accurate diagnosis. I also wish you much wisdom in deciding if her living with you is the right thing to do for everyone involved.
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ChrisVA Apr 2022
It's been about 2 years now she has been with us. I just didn't know how to change my profile. But the dementia is current. She also asks the same questions repeatedly like while playing a game of cards. A game takes about an hour she will some times all the same question 3 or 4 times.
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Chris, welcome!

The only way to know if someone has dementia is to get them evaluated by a neurologist, psychiatrist or neuropsychologist.

Per your profile, gma is getting a pacemaker tomorrow and moving in with you and your family.

Have you all considered this move carefully? Who will be doing the caregiving?
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ChrisVA Apr 2022
Thank you for your response. Yes we have thought about the burden side and responsibly, and it's been over 2 years now I just didn't know how to change my profile. I really would rather her not know I'm getting her evaluated. I can see that conversation. "Just checking to see if your crazy". Not sure how to quietly have it done.
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