After five years of asking to go into assisted living and then changing her mind she finally decided she needed it, so we moved her in.

I had someone once tell me they wished to die, please get someone to make it happen. I can't be here, make me die. I reported to senior staff immediately.

The very next day, same man hapoy to see his family. Said he had been in SO SCARED the day before he didn't know what he had said, but ignore it. He was angry at falling, angry at his failing health, scared of pain, scared of the future. He told me he had demanded his son move into his home to care for him. I asked if his son worked, was married, had children, his own house? Yes of course he said.. but what will I do?? He was a mess of abandonment & fear. Anxious ++, teary, expressing fear. I believe referral dor Psychologist for talk therapy & meds for anxiety were prescribed.

Some older people seem so relisient, almost immune to lifes ups & downs. But others feel deeply, almost like the full on overwhelming feelings of teenages.

Feeling SAFE is needed first. Adjustment & joing activities will hopefully come.

I genuinely feel for people who are suicidal due to misery, trauma or mental illness, etc.

Those who threaten suicide as a manipulation tactic are evil. Years ago my daughter was involved with someone who threatened suicide if she broke up with him. My daughter called his father.

His father happened to be a policeman. He tracked down his son through his cell phone. My daughter’s ex boyfriend was taken to a psychiatric hospital.

Call 911 if suicide attempts are made. I’m so sorry that you are going through this. I hope things improve for you soon.

Does this person suffer from dementia? Next time she threatens suicide, I'd have the AL call 911 and have her transported to the hospital for a full psychiatric evaluation. My mother spent my whole life threatening suicide over the least little thing that didn't go her way, which was just a manipulation tactic....which worsened once dementia set in.

Almost can't blame mom. AL and NH is for the birds

I read an article called "The Anger Iceberg".

Quote: "It’s known as “the Anger Iceberg,” because it shows other emotions and feelings that may lurk below the surface. Sometimes it’s embarrassment, loneliness, depression, or fear. Other times, it’s a combination of several feelings".

Moving to a new place can be frightening & losing a home can causes grief.

Taking it out on your 'safe person' the one you trust to love you is a normal reaction. Not nice for you Pamela! 😕 See what helps..

I'm sorry you had to move Mom. It takes time to adjust. But you will be OK here.

Your profile says that your mom is 94. You mentioned in a response that she is falling down.

She’s better off in her assisted living facility.

Have you spoken with the staff about how she is when you aren’t there?

It’s sad that her friends told her that she can pack up and go back home instead of encouraging her to settle in her new surroundings.

Wondering if meds would calm her down.

This is heart-breaking.

I would make sure she gets tested for a UTI. I would see if there is a geriatric psychiatrist who can see her and evaluate her depression.

Agreed that PT might help with getting her stronger.

It is always hard for me to say "don't visit" at the beginning, because I know my mom would have been scared. But if your presence sets her off, then yes, it might be best to step back for a bit and let her settle in.

Can you talk to her friends and find out what she told them she didn't like?

See if you can get an order from her doctor for a PT consultation. The therapist will go in and evaluate her. Give them an overview of Moms limitations. When you get the results, ask the therapist to sit down and tell Mom she no longer can live independently and why. Telling her she is right where she needs to be. Maybe the RN can be present to confirm that the PT is correct.

I may call her apartment friends and tell them that Mom can no longer be on her own. That them telling her she can pack up and move back is not an option.

Yup, go no contact for her own good for a little while. Maybe 3 weeks. She needs to focus on settling in and these outbursts very well may be only for the point of making you feel bad.

Does the staff tell you things like she is settling in well, or what ?

Time to back away, tell ok you figure out how to do this and take care of yourself and without your help from here on.

Don't engage her, she is trying to manipulate you, if she can move without your help and be 100% independent without your help, fine.

Don't underestimate old people, many know every trick in the book and will use it to get their way, although they can no longer take care of themselves.

You are her emotional prisoner, do something about it.

Three weeks is not enough time for her to settle in, especially if you are going there all the time. The first weeks are the hardest and visits should be kept to a bare minimum if at all.

Call her bluff. Tell her if she can manage the move home on her own then she must be capable of living on her own. If she expects you to coordinate this then she is not.

Sounds like panic. Has she seen the AL Doctor yet?

Well, if she has capacity and can live safely by herself then she can leave. What do her doctor and social worker think about that? What do you think?

So sorry about this .
My father in law chose his assisted living home then also wanted to leave and go back to his apartment. We told him he needs to be where there is staff to help him in case he needs help. We told him it was not safe for him to live alone anymore .
It takes time to adjust , can be 6 months or more . Limit your visits and phone calls .
Ask the facility to have a social worker , therapist or psychologist speak to her at her facility. Perhaps a geriatrician or geriatric psychiatrist could see her and prescribe a med to calm her down. I’m wondering if there is some dementia going on here as well .