Because they are either still working, or are taking care of grandchildren because it's too expensive for the Moms to stay home like my mother did. Salaries have not kept up with inflation or cost of homes.
Or they are living their own lives. Live far away. Or they are avoiding the stress of an abusive parent.
cwillie, The grandparents on The Waltons did not need help. The old man worked in the shed still cutting wood with the son and the grandmother was always in the kitchen cooking. They probably just dropped dead one day like they all used to back then.
My great grandfather lived with my grandparents briefly. My grandparents were still working at the time. He did not need physical help, But they took him in because his memory was bad. I was like 4 not in school yet. After awhile they decided he needed to be checked on mid day. I remember going to my grandmother's house with my Mom and eating lunch with great grandpa. It didn't go on very long and one day great grandpa went to the hospital and that was that he was gone. I'm guessing heart attack or stroke. I also remember he would speak 1/2 English 1/2 Swedish , but when his memory got worse he only spoke Swedish.
I am caring for my mother Carol, who is 88 years old, living in assisted living with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, hearing loss, mobility problems, urinary tract infection, and vision problems.
About Me Caring for mom and dad. Dad at home and mom was in AL for over 3 years but fell in bathroom (she refuses to push her alert button for assistance) and broke her femur. I live out of state but travel to their state every chance I can.
Take your situation, for example. You aren't as readily available to your parents because you live out of state and do not want to relocate, I would imagine.
When people used to mention my ability to be there to take care of my mom (either positively or negatively) I used to quip that if I had a life I wouldn't be there either.
I will never understand the people who come to this forum who have given up careers, marriages, or abandoned their own children in deference to their parents. I never would have moved in with mom if it hadn't made sense - I just happened to be between jobs and had no commitments to a partner or children, and because my jobs had always been low wage her ability to provide room and board and a small salary also made sense financially (a win win situation for both of us).
For me, when I am 85 my oldest daughter will be 58 and my younger one 50. They will still be holding down jobs and can't afford to leave them. Also, people are working longer than 67. I know a couple still working at 74.
Some children of older adults provide full time care in their homes, others move into their parent’s home to provide care, others oversee care in assisted living or memory care or a nursing home. Some have parents who spent many years treating them cruelly or abusively and they don’t feel it’s in their best emotional interest to be readily available for further poor treatment. Some have tried again and again to be readily available and their efforts have been rejected or ridiculed. Some have worked out a system that works just fine for both parties. So, in summary, this is much like anything else in life, looked at one at a time rather than lumped together and judged as a whole.
This supposes that elder care used to be taken care of by the family in previous generations, and other than in the TV show the Waltons I'm not sure that was even true.
I think the better question here would be....why would children of older adults need to be readily available for their parents? Older parents have had their life and now their children have just as much right to have theirs. Children are NOT ones retirement or care plan.
What's your definition of an "older adult"? My husband and I are PoAs for 3 LOs ages 89, 94 and 104. We have adult children of our own who need help with their kids (our grandkids). My husband and I are still working 3/4 of the time, so not retiring for the next few years. We are in a "sandwich" of needs.
What do you mean by "readily available"? That our seniors are not living in homes and we're not providing hand-on help ourselves? We're still readily available to them...
Or they are living their own lives. Live far away. Or they are avoiding the stress of an abusive parent.
My great grandfather lived with my grandparents briefly. My grandparents were still working at the time. He did not need physical help, But they took him in because his memory was bad. I was like 4 not in school yet. After awhile they decided he needed to be checked on mid day. I remember going to my grandmother's house with my Mom and eating lunch with great grandpa.
It didn't go on very long and one day great grandpa went to the hospital and that was that he was gone. I'm guessing heart attack or stroke. I also remember he would speak 1/2 English 1/2 Swedish , but when his memory got worse he only spoke Swedish.
I am caring for my mother Carol, who is 88 years old, living in assisted living with age-related decline, alzheimer's / dementia, anxiety, hearing loss, mobility problems, urinary tract infection, and vision problems.
About Me
Caring for mom and dad. Dad at home and mom was in AL for over 3 years but fell in bathroom (she refuses to push her alert button for assistance) and broke her femur. I live out of state but travel to their state every chance I can.
Take your situation, for example. You aren't as readily available to your parents because you live out of state and do not want to relocate, I would imagine.
I will never understand the people who come to this forum who have given up careers, marriages, or abandoned their own children in deference to their parents. I never would have moved in with mom if it hadn't made sense - I just happened to be between jobs and had no commitments to a partner or children, and because my jobs had always been low wage her ability to provide room and board and a small salary also made sense financially (a win win situation for both of us).
Some have tried again and again to be readily available and their efforts have been rejected or ridiculed.
Some have worked out a system that works just fine for both parties.
So, in summary, this is much like anything else in life, looked at one at a time rather than lumped together and judged as a whole.
Older parents have had their life and now their children have just as much right to have theirs.
Children are NOT ones retirement or care plan.
What do you mean by "readily available"? That our seniors are not living in homes and we're not providing hand-on help ourselves? We're still readily available to them...