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I traveled to the city where Dad lives this past weekend. It was hard to see Dad giving up the spark to live.



His post op infection has cleared up, the doctors are keeping him on antibiotics for a while longer as once again infection got into his blood. They have not put him on Palliative Care, but I think that is what Dad wants.



Dad is exhausted, very weak and certain death is near. The doctor's are assuring him that his vital signs are good and he could go home. But he cannot do anything unaided. He also has no control over his bowels. I think that is the thing that is most discouraging him. He can barely move as asked by the nurses when they change him.



Dad has not lost any of his marbles, even with anesthesia at 93. Is that worse than not realizing what is happening to you? I know it is a huge fear for both my parents to lose control of their body,



My brother is exhausted and at a breaking point. We hugged and cried together and discussed next steps. Sadly Dad did not do any planning for end of life.



It was not until I got home late last night that I thought about reaching out to the hospital chaplain. I left a voicemail when I got home requesting Dad be visited by clergy.



I have a list of people to reach out to on Dad's behalf, he is digging deep into his memory bank and wants to touch base one last time.

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They lose the Will to live. With my MIL its because someone thought it was a good idea to tell her she would not be returning to her home. That she would be going to another State for Rehab, a state a DIL she didn't care for and visa versa was going to be there probably taking over. That did it, she willed herself to die.

Allow Dad to leave this world the way he wants to. He is tired, just does not have the energy to go on.
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Tothill, I'm so sorry your dad is doing poorly.

A close friend (he was 99) died last week. His son said in his eulogy that his father was tired of living in a body that gave him pain and that didn't work any more. He also had ALL of his marbles, and then some.

I think looking into palliative care is a great idea. ((((Hugs))))
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CWillie, the hospital Dad is in is huge, Trauma/Acute Care/Cancer etc. if he is moved to Palliative care he would be moved a short distance away to the smaller hospital where my sister in law works. At least I think that is where he would go.

My brother is still hoping for rehab.
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I am so sorry your dad is going through this. I think it is worse when you know what is happening and see your own decline and realize life will never be the same again. He still has time to do end of life planning if he wants a lawyer can come to him.
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God bless you all, the waiting and wondering is so very hard. I wish you all peace
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Thanks for the update, I was checking your other thread. You mentioned it's hard to see your father giving up, but it may be more that at 93 the well has run dry and he hasn't the resilience to push on.
If the hospital doesn't have a reputation for good palliative care perhaps a hospice facility be a better option. (I'm only mentioning this because many acute care hospitals are not friendly places for elders and I've heard some horror stories) 🤗
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