Hey guys. I haven't posted in a while. The pain was just too much.
I'm stationed overseas now so I called up my Dad. We shared some good memories about Mom and caught up with each other.
He said the hardest part of the day for him was the morning. Waking up, looking to his left and realizing she's just not there.
Its hard to explain. Discussing it makes the pain sharper, but is also somehow carthatic.
Oddly enough, not long after my mother died, I got matched. So, now I am studying again.
Earlier in the Parkinsons before my Mom became bedridden she told me,"Son, if you get the chance to go specialize, take it. Go. Don't worry about me. God blessed me with the strength to raise my sons to be the men you are now."
That conversation was 3 years ago. I remember it stang so much when she said that.
Getting matched now? It's a bittersweet victory; because I wish she was there to see it.
Isn't it odd how the entire time my Mom was sick, I never got matched? The Universe/God works in truly mysterious ways.
A younger me would have thought it was wasted years. Watching my peers go specialize before me.
But now I know what it was. A gift. A gift to see my Mom through her Parkinson's to the end. God she suffered!
And boy did we fight. We took her to do MRIs. Interconsults. I took my first paycheck to send her to a neurologist back when she could still walk.
We argued bitterly at times about her care. We reconciled. We kept on the fight.
We put our different talents together. One of my brothers built handrails around our parents house. Somehow Mom still managed to fall just in the areas between the handrails 😑🤣 imagine our frustration. At least she never got seriously injured from her falls.
My other brother took it upon himself to take Dad out wherever he needed to go whenever Dad got overwhelmed by it all.
I basically was the one who pronounced her dead. (Of course I can't officially do that, so I went through the proper channels and called 911 for the examiner).
Well this must be a boring read so I will stop now.
Happy Birthday Mom! I finally got matched. I hope you're proud of me...wherever you are.
I totally agree that this post is the opposite of boring. In fact, it is quite refreshing!
Your Mom would have been proud of you.
Your post is not boring, most understand grieving takes time.
Your words, God she suffered, bring tears to my eyes, because I am seeing that more and more with husband’s PD.
The struggle is we don’t wish them to go and we don’t wish them to suffer. Parkinson is cruel disease.
Grief and loss is something we don't really recover from, but absorb into our souls and learn to live with, I think. You'll always feel mom's absence in your life but the raw pain tends to mellow a bit with time. I know she's smiling and cheering you on now.....at perfect peace w no more pain and suffering from disease. Keep that thought in mind as you flourish in your career. Congratulations.
Watching my mother decline just flattened me. It’s an awful disease that I pray to God that I never get.
I understand your mother’s sentiments. My husband and I have two grown daughters that we adore. We want the best for our children.
It is our job to raise our children to be independent. Your mom did an excellent job instilling independence into her children.
I would be extremely proud to call you my son. It’s truly sad when a child strays from how they were raised. I have several brothers who were raised the same.
Unfortunately, my oldest brother took some disturbing detours during his lifetime which broke my parents hearts.
I am glad that you stayed on track and were able to achieve and maintain your goals. I’m sure that your mom is looking down from heaven and smiling at your accomplishments.
Wishing you and your family all the best. It’s reading posts like yours that make me realize why I came back to post on this site. I did the exact thing that you did. I stopped posting for a long while after my mom died at the age of 95 in an ‘end of life’ care home. She was bedridden at the end too.
Take care. Don’t be a stranger. Let us hear from you from time to time.
If you were my son, I would be incredibly proud of you.
And, I what a blessing that God allowed you to help your mom and your family, THEN get matched! 🙌
Thanks for sharing!
Your story is a great example of how God works out all things for good for those who love Him.
And yes I know that your mom is very proud of you. But she was proud of even before you got matched.