On My Mind

I worked with someone (mid 30s) who had a ‘destination wedding’ in Hawaii, which is a lot further away from Adelaide than for USA people. They didn’t expect anyone to come, in fact didn’t invite anyone. It was just a holiday that was extra special for them. They said that they could afford the holiday or a 'trimmings' wedding, but not both. I'm fine with that.

Pre-Covid, there were package weddings in Adelaide for couples from Japan. They had 'all the trimmings' (including a horse-drawn arrival, wedding in a rose garden, and lots of photos), but no guests!

Need,

We learned never to tell my MIL anything until after the fact !

Golden , two beds . Lol

cwillie, some of the worst wedding drama stories I have heard are due to caving in and inviting certain people .
I’m all for secret small weddings.

cwillie is also correct that it can cause hard feelings .
my kids limit it to the 48 continental states for weddings . It’s less complicated for all than going to another country .
My daughter’s and her finance’s friends and family are spread out too but most are in the eastern part of the country . So they are choosing somewhere on the east coast . But again, most people have to travel no matter where it is .

My son basically asked the whole wedding party first if they were ok with Vegas when they had to replan the whole wedding . It was small . Just parents , siblings and some friends , a couple of cousins. When he booked it they still had limits for numbers of people allowed in a venue due to Covid .

We have all hoped to not get an invitation to some weddings because it’s too far , you won’t know anyone else , whatever . You breathe a sigh of relief when you don’t get invited .
Well , my sister in-law ( who we never saw even when we lived 10 minutes away ) was annoyed she didn’t get to decline an invitation , even though she admitted she would never go !!

You can’t please everyone .

Yeah if I felt obligated to go to anyone's destination wedding , I wouldn't go.

No matter who they are. 😂

Alva,

In my son’s case , just about everyone who is important to him and willing to come to his wedding were going to have travel no matter where it was . My son has lived in 4 states . His friends have also moved around since college for employment . His friends and the few family members he is close with are spread out across the country . He also requested no gifts. Their presence if they should choose was more than enough . No pressure , no obligations . The people who wanted to come came and made a vacation out of it . I think weddings are changing . People understand if someone can not spend the money to travel . As well as people are beginning to understand that you don’t need to invite people you never see or hear from just because you share a fraction of DNA .

It was a very nice low key intimate wedding at a nice resort . Attendees were given a discount , it was when we were emerging from Covid in the Fall of 2021. The resort was hungry for business . It ended up very reasonable . The guests were happy to see each other again.
This all came about because Covid killed their original plans in 2020.

😂🥰

I love travel, but I wouldn't go to a "destination wedding" and think it is hubris and entitlement unless you intend to pay travel and accommodations for each member of the wedding audience. To me that's just asking for money and wedding gifts. I wouldn't even respond. And if I am going on vacation it surely isn't to some spoiled person's wedding. Hee hee.

Italy - I'd go there in a New York minute. Loved Italy. Travelling is a great education. R has it in mind to do an African tour. I don't think I could do staying in huts. A big issue for me is food allergies and other allergies, quite apart from the energy or lack thereof. I'm happy if he goes and takes lots of photos.

way - I get it. My mother wanted my wedding to be centered on her. I cancelled our first plans and gave her three weeks to curtail her meddling so we married sooner than originally planned. I couldn't stand the interference. Even then...Eloping was brilliant! Actually I didn't make a good choice of a husband and if we had set the wedding when we had first planned, it might not have happened. My father booked us into a very exclusive resort for our honeymoon. When we got there - twin beds!!! Aaaargh!

nacy - you should get another job...Oh my goodness. All about money. I have a dil like that. For a while she wanted me to fund thus and that for her. I finally set the limit - no more. .

cw - destination weddings are great for those who want them as long as they realize not everyone invited could/would go. I would feel free to go or not according to my finances and inclination a

I had very little involvement in my kids' weddings. They did their own thing. I helped when asked to and was happy to do so and be there.

Alva - I hear you about not understanding English in England. I lived in the UK for about 6 years, 4 of them mainly in Scotland. I was OK in England but some of the Scottish accents were impossible of me. After being away for holidays I had to relearn them. Loved Scotland. I think Canadians tend to like it better than England - a little wilder. Great memories!!!

Need - nice story, you were fortunate with your mil. When mine heard about our engagement she said "What's new". Her other son had just become engaged

Way,

My husband and I were shopping for my engagement ring. Suddenly, I heard a recognizable voice behind me saying, “That’s a lovely ring!” I turned around in it was my MIL to be.

She happened to be shopping for a watch at the same time we were shopping for my ring. So, that’s how she found out about our engagement.

She was thrilled and said. “I was so hoping that one day you would become my daughter!”

I was extremely fortunate to have a wonderful mother in law. She had three sons and was thrilled to gain a daughter.

She said that I was the daughter that she always wanted. Unfortunately, we lost her too soon to non Hodgkin’s lymphoma.

She was only 68 when she died. She knew my oldest daughter. She didn’t live to see the youngest one being born.

Omg, they sound like my sons soon to be in-laws .

I'm surprised there are still people out there living like it's early 1900s.
But there is actually a lot!

Willie, most definitely! People expect so much from you these days.

My other daughter in-law told me I should of gotten a second job so I could pay for my SON to have a baby shower. That's a very long story.

If people choose a destination wedding that's great so long as there will be no hurt feelings when the people who are invited choose not to attend - and I'm talking parents, siblings and close friends and family. My Nephew #1 chose Jamaica as his wedding destination with the belief that everybody would enjoy getting a winter holiday in the tropics, not considering that some of us had limited vacation days and budgets that didn't easily stretch.

Two of my nephews had destination weddings in Hawaii. They loved doing a destination wedding.

Couples should do whatever they want. It’s their day!

Nacy ,

I forgot to mention my husband made the mistake of telling his parents he was going to propose. My MIL wanted to pick out my engagement ring.

No way did I want to look at my ring and think of my MIL !!!

Now I realize my engagement ring is also a symbol of the start of setting strong boundaries with her !

Way, Wow, 100 close friends, lol I'm not sure if I have 5 😂. Eloping was definitely you best choice!

I agree, with Alva on this one you should live so many miles from your parents, in many cases that is very true!

An east coast wedding sounds great. I know of someone getting married in Bath Maine, this year

Nacy,

Your son should move somewhere that his future in laws wouldn’t want to go to .

Destination weddings are the best way to keep the guest list down !!! And quell expectations of others.
My son’s was in Las Vegas. Lots of fun .
Only 30 of us.

My mother in law threatened to refuse to come to our wedding because we wouldn’t let her invite 100 of her “ closest friends “. Plus she wanted a say in picking out the venue , the date , colors , flowers, my dress , tuxes , food , cake etc. She acted like it was her day , not ours .

We canceled and eloped . Best thing ever.

I don’t understand why people think they can dictate their children’s weddings . It should be what the couple wants . I give my kids a flat rate monetary donation towards the wedding. If they go over that budget they pay the rest .

I tell my kids , I just hope to be invited .
Just tell me where and when to show up and I’ll happily come without any criticisms, meddling , or requests.

My other child is not married yet . She wants something smallish somewhere on the East coast on the beach . That won’t be a problem for me since I live on the East Coast. I’m glad she doesn’t want it in some country I would not be comfortable going to .

Alva, that's funny. Oh I had a bit of a hard time in New Orleans too. I asked someone what kind of a tree it was, because there was no bark. Anyways I still have no clue. 😂

You lived the best life Alva!

AnxietyNacy, I still remember trips to the UK where I didn't understand a single word of the King's English.
In Brighton we got an order of pasties and the sweet young man said to us:

"A-ow o 8-nnn".

He said it about 10 times, poor thing, before we knew he was asking us whether we wanted to take it out, or were we eating in the restaurant.

Accents were amazing across the country and in Wales, Ireland.

I learned a bit of the language for every country we went to and I can still ask how much it costs in Czech!

They where debating between Ireland and Italy. Italy I wasn't going to go. I get lost enough in America, not going to a country that doesn't speak English. 😂 Now that they decide Ireland, we are considering it

Yeah I can see why it would annoy some people. I new they where planning a destination wedding.

He is a micro biologist, she does computer graphics. Honestly they are living there best life and that's what I want for my kids

Her parents are very helicoptery , trying to put it a nice way. My son wanted a destination wedding so they didn't control anything. He was hoping no one would come. Lol but her parents are going. I'm going to decide on the fall. No pressure at all to feel that I have to go.

They where actually planning to move, and her parents are all excited because they are moving with them . So now not sure if they are moving.

And yes he knows what he is up against, with her family. Lol

Do either of them actually live in Ireland Anxietynacy? Because if this is just some kind of destination wedding I'd be furious 🤷‍♀️

One of my sons and his fiance, set a wedding date. September 2025 in Ireland!

Hmm, I was thinking just the other day that thank goodness the posts about bleeding after a hysterectomy were behind us, but apparently I jinxed it.

My older brother tried to tell me fibromyalgia is not a real deasses. That didn't go over well with me. Lol

Sence then we have learned what we can and can not talk about. Been going pretty good so far. 😆

Golden,

So interesting huh? The research on fibromyalgia. I have a good friend who suffered with it for quite a while before she got a correct diagnosis.

I also find seizures studies interesting. My friend has a son who has bad seizures and she limits television and computer time due to light stimulation.

It’s fascinating. I certainly don’t understand it. I know that there are different types of seizures.

Mom had seizures and didn’t know when they would occur. She would just black out.

I know a woman who has seizures and she knows when they are happening because she sees auras. Interesting, huh?

One day I went into my hair salon and the wall was crushed in. A woman had a seizure while driving and ran into the salon!

My cousin was in line at a store when a car came crashing through the store window. An older man had a seizure when driving. The customers had to run fast to avoid being hit.

Yay!!!! The Ft Mc emergency alert and evacuation order has been cancelled. They must be feeling pretty confident that the fire 🔥 will be brought under control.

Send - I know you have an interest in fibromyalgia stuff. A respected researcher claims that the core issue is over active immune cells in the brain causing brain inflammation. Hence the need to avoid overstimulation of any kind - light, noise, stress... That and taking supplements which reduce inflammation in the brain really help me. Feeling human again.

Or paper cuts, Willie

Golden , I'm so glad they are getting the fires under control. 2016 must of been horrible, and the anxiety from it all I'm sure comes back when ever you hear about wild fires.

That's really interesting about music and over stimulation flaring up fibromyalgia. Really good to know too. It's all about paying attention to are bodies and listening to are bodies when we have had enough.

cw - hangnails???

Thanks to all for prayers. It continues to rain in Ft Mc. DD and hub have returned home and the general consensus is that the worst is over, The fire has not grown. It is still out of control but many fire guards and protections (large sprinklers) have been set up in the parts of the city closest to the fire. I sincerely hope and pray they get it under control soon.

I remember in 2016 someone set their sprinkler system going and it prevented damage to their house from flying sparks. Our neighbour had some roof damage to their house though we were closer to the fire (about 1/2 a block away).

On another topic, I finally got my new hearing aids and they are great. They are even hooked up to my iPhone so I can answer it through my h aids if it is within a 15' range - very handy!!!

However there is a downside. I listened to music for hours when I first got them and that triggered a fibromyalgia flare up. Too much brain stimulation. So I have to scale back and be careful.

It's a trade off. Listening to music is good for my hearing, but too much (what ever that is) sets off fibro pain. But, no doubt, overall they are an improvement and I am thankful for them.

Sun shining here today and very welcome it is.🌞🌞🌞

Why do they always include 4 cm X 1 cm bandages in multi packs? What are they good for?

Golden ,

Thanks for the encouraging update . Hopefully it continues to improve for our neighbors in Canada.
They have been talking on our news about smoke coming to the northern US .