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Book, knowing some of the drivers in Michigan, this sign is definitely needed!
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wag = funny guy, smart-aleck in Britspeak.
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Sorry peeps dumb brit here!
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There is a joke going around on Christmas cards for years, and I just don't get it. It simply says: No "L".
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I didn't either until I googled it, Send.

Noel. No "L". LOL or no l then we have an "o"
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Yes, I understood that No "L" makes reference to "Noel", Glad.
But what does it mean when you just don't have an "L"?
Like, no L, no noel, or anything like it?

Maybe I should google it (no, not it, but L or, No L).

Dumb blonde here.
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Send, now you have me scratching my head! Maybe you are making this too hard?
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The joke actually went like this a long time ago

what does this sign mean:
ABCDEFGHIJKMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
Well the sequence does not have the letter L (pronounce EL) in it so the sign means NOEL NO EL
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today it is in common usage to some people ( not you send bless ya) you gotta love her xxxxxxxxx
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Har de har har.
Love how, with such little encouragement, you all are going to make life funnier and funnier.
Then, with so little effort on my part, I come back here after a difficult day, and see how funny you are!
Thanks!
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Teacher's story on Show and Tell....

I've been teaching now for about 15years. I have 2 kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own 2nd-grade classroom a few years back.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn & waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant.

"This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mommy & Daddy made him as a symbol of their love, and then Daddy put a seed in my mother's stomach, & Luke grew in there. He ate for 9 months through an umbrella cord." She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh & wishing I had a video camera rolling. The kids are watching her in amazement.

"Then about 2 Saturdays ago, my mother starts going, 'Oh, oh, oh!" Erica puts a hand behind her back & groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!" Now this kid is doing this hysterical duck-walk, holding her back & groaning.

"My father called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my mother to lay down in the bed like this." Erica lies down with her back against the wall. "And then, pop! My mother had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, & it just blew up & spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!"

The kid has her legs spread & with her little hands is miming water flowing away. It was too much!

"Then the middle wife starts going push, push, and breathe, breathe. They start counting, but they never even got past 10. Then all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff they said was from the play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow & returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell-day, I bring my camcorder - just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.
~~~~~~~~
FB poster Jane commented: "Is this how it happens Becky?"
Becky replied: "She made it sound bloody quick..."

Another poster: Absolutely brilliant. I am going to change my title to a middle wife.
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A young girl in her late teens, wanting to earn some extra money for the summer, decided to hire herself out as a 'handy woman' & started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.

She went to the front door of the first house & asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?"

Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed & told her that the paint brushes & everything she would need were in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?"

"That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded. The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes." A few hours later the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" the startled husband asked.

"Yes, the blonde replied, "and I even had paint left over so I gave it 2 coats."
Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her along with a $10 tip.

"Thank you," the blonde said, "And, by the way, it's not a Porch, it's an Audi."
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Book that baby stoy is to die for if only you had a camera, that would have gone viral for sure. Thanks for the laugh
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Loved that birth story - so hilarious, and so comical in the typical fashion of a child interpreting adult events. I think that little girl might have a future as a comedienne.
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Lady (possibly blond lady) walks in an ice cream joint. Kids says WHAT'LL YA HAVE?

She says, A WAFFLE CONE PLEASE.

He asks, HOW MANY SCOOPS?

OH, ID LIKE THREE PLEASE.

WHAT FLAVORS MISS?

OH LETS SEE....VANILLA, STRAWBERRY AND CHOCOLATE.

IM SORRY MAM, WERE OUT OF CHOCOLATE

OH, I SEE. WELL MAKE THAT ROCKY ROAD ROAD, VANILLA AND CHOCOLATE THEN

LADY, LIKE INSAID WERE OUT OD CHOCOLATE!

OH, RIGHT. THEN I HAVE BUTTERSCOTCH, PEPERMINT AND CHOCOLATE

LADY..CAN YOU SPELL THE VAN IN VANNILLA?

OF COURSE....V...A...N

VERY GOOD. CAN YOU SPELL THE STRAW IN STRAWBERRY?

SURE...S..T..R..A..W

HOW ABOUT THE F....... IN CHOCOLATE?

THERE AINT NO F..... IN CHOCOLATE?

THATS WHAT IVE BEEN TRYING TO TELL YOU LADY

THERE AINT NO F.....IN. CHOCOLATE!!!
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If that doesn't get me kicked out of here nothing will.........
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Nothing will, Windyridge, that's a good one and you are now stuck here forever.
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Have you heard this one? How many psychiatrist's does it take to change a lightbulb?

Only one,but the lightbulb has to really want to change.

By the way Windy.......I am impossibly blonde with a little help from my hairdresser. :)
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Have you heard about the new plan for southern Walmarts? They are going to add dental clinics in all the stores.
There will be two in each store. One regular dentist office and one express dental service for people with 15 teeth or less.


Did you know the tooth brush was invented in West Virginia? Yes, cause if it had been invented anywhere else it would be called a TEETH brush.


Do you know why it's so hard to solve murders in Alabama? Cause the Dna is all the same and there are no dental records.

The country boy was in the big city visiting his cousin, the Italian Stallion. City cousin was determined to show the country boy a good time and tells him to meet him after work at a popular singles bar. He also tells his hayseed cousin to stick a big baking potato in his pants as this always attracts the girls. Later that night the city cousin walks in the singles bar and sees his hillbilly cousin, takes one look at him and says, "OMG! You're supposed to put the potato in the front!"
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Windy, you have outdone yourself. My cheeks are sore from laughing!
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Oh Windy, where do you come up with this stuff, you silly goat! Merry Christmas!
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I spent over a decade as a union rep, negotiating contracts and so on. I would meet with the union bargaining committee on my side of the table and usually the company HR people and their lawyer on the other side.

It's an adversarial process but you have to be civil to achieve a contract acceptable to both sides. Through the years I developed good working relationships with most of the folks on the other side.

One lawyer particularly, was a bit sqeemish with my jokes. I would always tell the latest lawyer joke to try and get under his skin, like: WHY DONT SHARKS EAT LAYWERS WHO FALL OVERBOARD? PROFESSIONAL COURTESY......

There's hundreds of those. He never had any ammo to shot back till one day he told the following story:

This Union guy was on vacation in Nevada. He's walking down the street and sees a sign for a cat house. He goes in and the Madame asks if she may be of assistance. He gives her a short speech: "Now look here! I'm a union man, been a union man all my life, my father and grandfather were union men too ya know. What kind of cut do the girls get in this here establishment?" To which she replies, "The house gets 80 and the girls get 20." He says, "I cannot do business with your establishment. You are exploiting your employees for profit!" He leaves in a huff.....

This scenerio is repeated at several houses of ill repute throughout the city when lo and behold, he sees a big neon sign: CANDYS HOUSE OF PLEASURE. OUR GIRLS ARE MEMBERS OF AFL CIO LOCAL 25379.

He's amazed at his good fortune. He runs up the steps into the lobby and asks the Madame about the wages. "The girls get 80% and the house gets 20%" she tells him. He says he is a good union man and would like to do a little business here. She leads him into a lounge and tells him to pick out one of her girls. He looks around for a bit and indicates that he would prefer an attractive young lady sitting nearby. The Madame says, "No, you'll have to go with old Sadie over there. She has more seniority."
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Windy you are a card. The joker........get it? Har de har har.

I guess you know all the lawyer jokes then? Like What do you call 1000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start.

Now windy would you consider flying up to Vancouver and being our Christmas entertainment this year? Union wages? Consider it.
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Well Gersh, it would take way above union scale, and I hate flying. Could you send a limo maybe?
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Gershun, the limo should be stocked with liquid refreshments as well; I recall Windy prefers beer. But at this time of the year perhaps champagne would be better.

Windy, I think you have a new career in your future.
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A limo all the way from Michigan to Vancouver, Canada. If I stocked it with liquor
too you'd be so pie-faced by the time you got here you'd of forgotten your own name let alone all your funny jokes. No, Windy you have to fly. Theres just no other way.:)
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Micigan to Vancouver? That's like just jumping from one iceberg to another.
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Yes but just think of the sliding along the way. How much fun it would be.
Like the old Paul Simon song right?
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Thinking of that old song "slipping and sliding..." old, old song.

Sliding would require more nourishment to keep warm. Better make sure you send Windy lots of liquid warmth in breakproof bottles for his journey. Maybe he could try a sled dog trip - that would be really exhilitaring...kind of like a marathon Iditarod. The dogs would help keep him warm. Nothing like snuggling up to 8 or so furry sled dogs.
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Yes that could work. Reminds me of a Christmas I spent in Saskatchewan. I took
a ride on a snowmobile in minus 27 degree weather. Came home with frozen snot all over my face. Not a pretty picture.:)
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