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The saddest posts I see here are those that equate caring for an elderly, failing parent with childcare, or those where the carer (some of whom have rushed in during a crisis, or who were simply living at home when a health crisis occurred) is expecting an elderly person with cancer, stroke, cognitive decline and/or long-standing mental illness to "get better".



Sometimes there are no "good" choices. There is only the choice between bad and less bad.



There is no path back to health. There is a "new baseline" with decline expected in the future.



There is no "getting her/him to see reason". There is only deciding what you can/can't, will/won't do and sticking to that boundary.



Please, take care of yourselves.

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Barb, I am just so surprised at how many people aren't able to research on the health issue that their love one has, especially in today's technology. We all know the more one knows about a health issue the better to understand what is happening.

Or are some people depending on social media for health info? I hope not. Or is it the younger generation that expects instant results and cures?

When my folks started to become elderly [I admit I didn't notice until they were in their 90's], thus having various issues, I jumped on the computer and did a lot of research. Between AgingCare and my research, there were no surprises down the road.

In fact, what I have learned has been so helpful that when an age decline sneeks up on me, I am ready.
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Excellent Barb and LeaLonnie. And fully agreed. It’s beyond sad to read posts of being “so scared something will happen” Something will happen! I’ve been saddened and amazed many times at the false expectations when dealing with the issues of the elderly, and the denial as well. My social worker friend always says “events will happen that make decisions for you” So true
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Very true, what you say Barb. The worst/saddest posts are those from caregivers to dementia ridden loved ones who they're convinced will 'get better' with their excellent caregiving. Like if they get their meds on time, or eat healthy foods, or or or OR. The truth is, with or w/o PT, with or w/o meds or healthy foods, they're not going to 'get better' only worse. And hopefully, the caregiver doesn't take it personally when their loved one continues to decline!

Trying to talk reason and logic to a loved one with dementia is also an exercise in futility. And worst of all is when an OP says their loved one 'is so smart', as if dementia or AD doesn't touch an intelligent or educated elder. Wouldn't that be nice? What I've found is that nobody is immune from being struck down with dementia. When I worked in Memory Care, we had a married couple who were BOTH MDs in their professions prior to getting dx'ed with Alzheimer's! We had engineers and a prominent and famous attorney living there too! So much for 'intelligence' and being 'smart', a fat lot of good it did those poor souls. No, dementia hits everyone equally and a person with AD isn't 'dumb', just afflicted with a brain disorder.
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