I have noticed that I do not feel as "sharp" or "smart" as I used to before I became a caregiver. I can only compare this to the mommy brain that I had when my children were both infants. When I am in a social situation lately I am at a loss for conversation. This is distressing to me because I look so forward to getting out and being around non-demented people and then when I am there I have nothing to say and feel out of place. I feel that people avoid me because of my situation. I may be sensitive but there are others out there who have a great amount of guilt about not taking care of their elderly parents and I think they feel awkward around me also. Being in the situation of having a low level stress at all times makes my mind simple. I read crappy magazines and watch dumbed down TV just like my Mom. I know there are gifts that go along with the difficult task of taking care of our elders and I appreciate those. I just do not want to become an empty shell with no personality.
It really helps to get my MIL away from me for several days. It's.a pain to organize and make happen................but it gets me to feeling like a human being again. Is it worth the expense and effort (getting respite care at a nursing home for five nights)? For me - yes. It helps to keep one foot in the real world so that once we're finally free, we won't have forgotten how to live and enjoy life again.
It sounds like heaven to send our parent out so we can have respite. When we have pets, going somewhere ourselves carries extra stress. I wish I could get my mother to go somewhere for a week. She would if my brother would take her, but I'm not holding my breath for that to happen. Majorly jealous, Maria.
They pick her up in ambulance and bring her back too.
I highly recommend hospice
SIL occasionally asks me to go to the movies with her. I'd love to go, but I probably wouldn't enjoy it, because I'd be worried about Mom at home alone all the time - just like when I go to get groceries.
another friend used to call every week but shes go a man now and dosnt bother calling which i miss.
Yes its going to be scary and interesting meeting new people and having stuff to talk about just hope i dont bump into another CARER!!! LOL
I use to pride myself with being quite sharp, being able to solve problems and come up with great new ideas. I find myself now so mentally and physically drained. I use to love doing research on politics, it was a hobby, but my brain's file drawers are filled to the brim with worry about my aging parents. I don't even want to call up my friends or go out of the house once I am back home. Oh well, I still can have a conversation with one of my cats who has a huge vocabulary, so not all is lost :)
Nikki i know what you mean i too just veg when shes asleep or in bed. I do go for a walk in the morning or i would be brain dead!
I also have much less tolerance for people who (to me, anyway) complain, gripe, b*tch too much for my liking. It might not be excessive to a non-care-giver, but for me, I just want to yell at them to shut up and pull their head of their a-- already! Hee hee hee...
It's almost as if caregivers are swallowed up by their need to focus on what noncaregivers might consider minutiae.
I'm sure someday the DSM will include something like Caregiver Brain Syndrome for those affected by this phenomenon.
I know I feel overwhelmed at times, each day feels the same, every telephone call to my parents is the same thing like "what do you think of the weather?" "did you do any yard work?|" when I talk to my Dad.... and because of Mom's hearing, I am repeating every sentence or rephrasing hoping she will understand.
Or at work, a website will ask to update a password with a new one. NOOOOOOO.... I don't want to remember a brand new password !!!!
To remember passwords at home I print the first page of a website and write on top the passwords and put it into a 3 ring binder. That has saved me a lot of frustration.
And I feel positively brilliant! There's nothing like communing with nature to restore a wounded soul or a congested mind.
That startled me, but I have to keep reminding myself I literally have two households to keep running.
In the past I use to go grocery shopping without a list.... now in the past year since my parents don't physically go grocery shopping with me anymore, I have to have two lists.... thank goodness for on-line grocery shopping, but still I have to keep track of their list on-line and my list on-line.
Then I have to keep track of my medical issues and medicines, and have knowledge of my sig others medical issues/meds.... and keep track of my Mom's issues/meds and my Dad's issue/meds. When who needs to go to the doctor, etc. Too much for me to keep track of :P