Just a thought I would like to share as an only child taking care of mommy.
Music is a healing, or I should say a comfort to the elderly.
Demented or not, do not be ashamed of your parents especially if they were exceptional hard working folks before this dreadful “illness”.
My mom is 71. At the age of 31 my life changed as it’s been 10 years. Yes, this happened early in mommy’s life.
Anyway, as I was saying I make sure mommy has a good time still, take them out don’t keep them locked in a house, not all demented elders are uncontrollable, so please take them out, to the simple places, to the seas shore to hear the water, outdoors, gardens flowers. If you must feed them, so be it we are their children and friends and caretakers.
I play Jim reeves for my mommy she rocks, play their favorite songs, their soul will smile. I don’t mean to be too long but please family members involve yourself in the life of your parents more if they are at home or not, spend time with the caretaker and parent or parents, the caretaker is not a robot. They have feelings as well and they have their own lives so as they “assist” you in caring for your parents’ lives. Once you can see the good works please recognize and reward. Our parents would do the same
they may be demented but every living soul knows what is love and the opposite as well. They can feel.
Find your parents old songs. They are not dead that’s why caretakers are there to take care of them so one last time children and families, we all with God’s blessing desire to live to our parents age so remember life is a cycle. Let’s just all do good in this world of so much bad
Love. Love. Love.
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Your loving, affirming attitude toward caring for your mother reminded me of something that happened years ago, when I was a caregiver in a MC group home.
I cared for a very old German lady resident with Alzheimers - completely non-verbal, totally blind, slept 20 hours a day, totally incontinent/dependent for everything, including needing to be fed, and non-expressive in any way.
One day I was leading her to the dining room for lunch, and I suddenly recalled a German nursery rhyme I'd learned 20 years prior in a language class in college.
It was the German version of " One, Two, Buckley My Shoe".
I started to sing this to her in German as we slowly walked along, and it still brings tears to my eyes to recall her huge smile, and the tears in her eyes, as I sang that silly song. It felt like something so very special...a moment of Grace for us both.
She died not long (weeks) after that beautiful moment of connection.
We may lose our loved ones (the personality we knew and mourn) to the fog of dementia, but the human shell left behind still feels, and can be connected with if we find the way.
Thank you, Ricardo, for reminding me.
I put some music on my mom liked but hadn't heard in years. She remembered the lyrics and sang. Surprised myself when I played an old Eagles song and remembered every word. Lol
It’s so obvious that you love your mom. It’s apparent that you had a lovely mom when she was younger. She is blessed to have you in her life. I’m glad that you have a good relationship with her.
Sadly, not everyone has had such a wonderful relationship with their parents and they might have a different perspective on what is best for their situation.
Wishing you all the best in life. Take care.