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My mother started having strokes and became bedridden with a feeding tube and other health issues. I took care of her for the last 24 months and 10 days of her life. On the day she died I had to administer for, but I could not revive her and she passed away. It was an honor to take care of my mom, and I could never repay her for all she did for me. After her death, I learned that family is a myth. My so called brother contributed nothing for her care but he and his wife were trying to access her money two days after she died. I agreed to pay him so much per month to buy him out on the house our mother owned, and he agreed. He has faithfully taken the checks, cashed them, and after years of not talking to me and now that the home value has tripled he told me to “get a loan and give him half the value of the house” or we need to sell it and split the money. I did not provide care for my mother to get paid. I also did not take care of her, so my greedy brother could benefit financially because I provided the care and the property did not end up being sold to pay for care not covered by Medicare and other health insurance. I would caution others who provide care to be ready to cut ties with so-called family members when they betray you for money. It is disheartening to learn that a sibling cares more about money than their own mother and sibling. If there is some justice in this world, he will not be rewarded for his selfishness. Bless all caregivers. Caregiving is not for the faint of heart. I find solace in knowing that I provided care for my mom, and she died at home.

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Sorry to hear you are in this situation. It was kind of you to care for your Mother.

It is hard for siblings as money can often viewed as a sign of how much each child was 'loved' by the parent. In your brother's mind, he probably thinks he is entitled to 'half of the value of the house' as he was her child, and anything less than 'half' means your mother loved him less, or he may think it means your mother loved you more than him. Who knows what goes on sometimes in people's minds...

Money confuses and ruins family relationships, and it's awful what greed does to people.

As others have suggested, I would speak to an estate lawyer (take along all your documentation regarding your brother and the cheques you gave him). If your Mother's Will stated that the house goes to both of you equally, then it usually means market value of the house (but this depends on the wording of the Will and other factors also like if there was an agreement on the sale price, and if you have already paid him some money towards the house etc.). Ask the lawyer how much it costs to deal with this estate issue, and decide if it is worth doing, not just financially but emotionally. Your mental health and wellbeing is the most important thing. This was the reason I chose not to challenge my stepmother on my Father's Will (a horrible and horrific abuse situation) but I knew I would end up not coping emotionally if I had to challenge the Will in court and if I had to re-live what she did to him (and I would likely not survive it all emotionally). I had to let it all go for my own emotional wellbeing. Unfortunately, many of us are treated very badly in this life, and do not get to see justice in this life. It is heartbreaking and life is unfair and wrong in so many ways.

If it's going to cause you a lot of emotional stress to challenge the Will and/or estate of your Mother, I would think about probably agreeing to sell the house for market value, and give your selfish brother his half of the money. Then you start afresh, and move far away from him.

Whatever you decide to do, you sound like a very decent person and you have integrity and dignity, and you did the right thing by your Mother.
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You need to see a lawyer, but I believe you and your brother are now tenants in common, meaning he owns half of the house and you own half. In other words, you don't own it together. He'd have to file a partition lawsuit to force the sale of the house -- he can't just demand it -- and obviously, the payments he's been pocketing will have some effect on how much he receives from any proceeds should you indeed sell. (You might talk to a real estate attorney.)

You could bill the estate for your caregiving for say, the last two months, but I doubt you'd get anything for time beyond that. You can't just go in and say you did it for two years and now the bill is due -- it doesn't work like that. Still, it's worth a shot.

Frankly, I'd sell the place. That's good, tax-free money right there. If you sell it relatively quickly you won't owe any capital gains taxes, because your cost basis from which they'd figure your tax is the value of the house the day your mom died, not what she paid for it. If the house has tripled in value, that's solid gold.

Still, consult a real estate attorney for YOUR side of this in order to protect your interests, plus a trust and estate attorney in regard to charging the estate for your services. My dad insisted I be paid for caring for him and my mother for two months straight, and his attorney insisted I pay myself the going rate for caregivers. (I was POA, too.) That was $25/hour, 24 hours a day, for 60 days. You do the math.

I was paid handsomely, but in the end, I handled my mother's affairs for an additional 2 1/2 years (although she was in an nursing home by then), and went through the wringer with her various crises during that time and didn't charge a dime to the estate, so I feel I did earn that original payout.
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Thank god you wrote checks and I so hope you have proof of that. It would be nice if there was a written agreement between you. Something showing what the house was worth at the time the agreement was made and how you came to paying a certain amount a month. If you did this, a lawyer maybe able to help you. A Mortgage goes by what the house was worth when it was bought. You agreement is the same thing. He cannot change it at this point. If you had paid the full amount upfront he could not come now and say you need to pay more.

No matter how u handled this, get a lawyer. If a lawyer was involved in the initial agreement, brother does not have a leg to stand on.
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I’m sorry for your loss. I also lost my mom from a series of devastating strokes, and life on a feeding tube with paralysis following, it’s all so very hard I know. Did your mother leave a will specifying her wishes concerning the house and her other assets? Are you the executor of her will? If so, there’s no need to listen to troublesome sibling. If there’s no will, you’ll need a lawyer to deal with the aftermath and the brother, sad as it is. I wish you a smooth path is sorting this out, and peace as you heal from your loss
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"I agreed to pay him so much per month to buy him out on the house our mother owned, and he agreed. He has faithfully taken the checks, cashed them, and after years of not talking to me and now that the home value has tripled he told me to 'get a loan and give him half the value of the house' or we need to sell it and split the money. I did not provide care for my mother to get paid. I also did not take care of her, so my greedy brother could benefit financially because I provided the care and the property did not end up being sold to pay for care not covered by Medicare and other health insurance."

Was this payment per a verbal agreement? Are you living in the house now?

Your mother should have compensated you for taking care of her for over 2 years. Did you think it was right that you would do it for free? I take it the will says that you inherit the house equally with your brother?

Sounds like your wonderful mother raised her son to be a skunk.
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