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I've put my foot down with my mother in-law after being taken advantage of for far too long. It's time the other siblings step up to the plate. However, she has painted my husband and I as the bad ones to get her way. Here's 1 example: She's not supposed to have salty foods (kidney disease). So, to get her way, she tells the other siblings that she just wants a taste of something and that her body is just craving it. She does this about every other day. She says that the doctor said it was fine to have McDonalds fries. Then, she cries and says she was begging us to buy them and that she had tears pouring down her face and we drove past McDonalds and made her just look out the window at McDonalds while ignoring her. This is not true, but it works for her because they always cave to her manipulation. We have tried to explain to the siblings what is going on. We told them that was not true and that we never even passed a McDonalds. No one says a word to her about lying. If she had said those things about the siblings, they would be livid and have no trouble speaking to her about this but since it's us she is lying about, no one seems to care. Should we just ignore this? It makes me scared that her lies are going to grow. The siblings can't seem to understand that she doesn't like us because we go by what the doctor says to do. If they did what the doctor said (which they won't because they are idiots), she wouldn't like them either. I am turning doctors’ appointments over to them and I'm hoping by them listening to the doctor, they may change their ways.... although I have my doubts. I've just never experienced so many lies and so much dysfunction in all my life. I guess my question is, does it make it any better to confront her with her lies and manipulation? She would probably deny it or turn herself into more of a "pitiful victim" to the other siblings.

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Sister inlaw works for the State as a Public Health Nurse, She has POA and Trustee and since dad passed on nothing from his Will was given out to beneficiaries. Dad died in Janurary.....
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Hey, going through the same. Just tell the kids this is your parents and not mine care for them or I will put her in a care home....
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A piece of advice my grandmother always told me on how to deal with toxic, difficult people. Keep your mouth shut, smile and nod, and don’t give them any of your personal business. Talk very surface level. Most importantly never give them any ammunition to use against you such as calling them out on their behavior. They’ll turn it around and act like the victim.

I wouldn’t call her out, just distance yourself.
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Why do you have the honor of her living with you? If she was lying about me, she would no longer be welcome in my home. I backed off from my MIL because of this. Your DH should be laying it on the line. Stop the lying or find someone else to live with.

Its so easy for the other siblings just to sympathize and let her have her own way. They don't have to put up with her. I would tell her to eat what she wants. Then when her kidneys fail, she can go on dialysis and find a way to get to and from treatments because you will not be doing it. Better, maybe tell her doctor the situation and see if she can sit all day in a dialysis unit and see what these people go thru weekly. Because, once you get to that point, to stop means death in a couple of weeks. You die from the toxins in your system. It also effects your brain. I have had two friends choose to stop dialysis because it was so hard on them.

Your husbands siblings need to be supportive.
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This post should be in questions.

Not sure Margaret you have the option of MIL when filling out ur profile.

I am reporting hoping Admin. can change to questions. You will get more responses.
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You are a new poster, and your profile says that you are caring for your mother, not your MIL. It’s confusing. Is she living with you? That’s confusing too. How old is she? Does she need (and have) care? If so, what control does the carer put on her food? If not and she lives alone, isn’t she in charge of what she eats?
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Sounds like you have a fractious toddler on hand. I'm sorry about that.

Personally? For my mom at 92, if she has a hankering for something she 'shouldn't' have, I probably would get her whatever she wanted. Life is a drag for her and she's lonely, tired and miserable a lot of the time.

I don't think she'd cry over fries, but she might over a QP with cheese.
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Professional victims, pathological liars and twisted manipulators are never wrong. If you confront them, they turn the tables on YOU! You'll be The Bad Guy, The Liar and the one who's twisting HER words to suit YOUR narrative. This is precisely what makes them victims, liars and manipulators in the first place. If you could speak to them like rational human beings, they wouldn't be able to get away with murder and convince others to feed them Mickey D's on "doctors orders" while they have kidney disease going on. Crocodile tears is what they count on to get their way.

Why not feed her whatever she wants without arguing? Mickey D's 3x a day and a large Dairy Queen Blizzard with extra Reeses Pieces for dessert? You trying to force her to eat a healthy diet and take care of herself is only going to give YOU a heart attack and extend HER life to 100.

Give up the food fight and let her be. Better yet, get her into Assisted Living where she can gorge herself at every meal and nobody will care.
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How is it that you two are doing the caregiving?

Is it feasible for you both to take a month's break and allow the others to care for her?

Or perhaps she'd do better in a care center.
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