Why does my loved one always make negative comments about people?

Perhaps your relative is depressed. Or maybe he or she has always been negative. My father-in-law has always been pessimistic and negative about others. I've noticed that his hostility toward me has increased recently, and I think that this is probably a result of him being in a difficult situation (being a caregiver to my mother-in-law) and the fact that he has always been prone to making negative remarks about other people. It's certainly not easy to deal with.

My parent caregiver makes negative statements about my other parent's family, medical condition, the burden on them, etc. Unfortunately, this has always been the case, but it has beem exacerbated by the medical situation. I frankly think this lashing out is a lack of maturity, even though we are talking about someone advanced in years. Not everyone comes to realize that such statements actually cause further harm. Perhaps you could raise the issue by asking how that comment is helpful, or what is gained from saying that, or why are we talking about that? It is a little different than redirection, and if asked in the right tone (not challenging) it might be enough to stop the negativity, even if just for the moment. Or, if there is an element of depression arising out of a particular circumstance or a person, perhaps it will lead to a converstaion about that, in which case, be ready to listen.

I've noticed my father has a much more negative attitude now that he is in his later 80's. When he gets on a negative train of thought, I also do the re-directing thing. It works well. MD's suggestion above that your loved one might have some depression going on is something that could be looked into. My father's doctor suggested he see a psychiatrist ( who could have prescribed my Dad some anti-depressant medication), but my father refused to go. So now my husband and I focus on talking with Dad about cheerful topics, and re-directing him when he veers into negative territory.

I think it just get worse as they age and I do not think they feel it is bad.

CINDY:

Many moons ago, whenever people made negative comments about me, I'd retaliate in kind. I'd go "project" or "postal." Today, I either ignore the individual and keep walking or tell them "Don't hate. Participate." If I had known what I'm going to say in the next two paragraphs, I'd had avoided many conflicts that several times landed me at the nearest police station. Live and learn, live and learn Ed. Here it goes Cindy:

It's common, especially among people who have a poor self image. They say things like that so that they can feel good about themselves, the problem is, it just doesn't work.

People who generally make disparaging remarks about others, usually have a low self-esteem and their only means of release from this image of themselves is to lower the self-esteem of others by opressing them with negative comments, thus up-lifting themsleves. Luckily, if you are the confident one out there, it just won't work.

-- ED

I love my mother, but she is ornery, plain and simple. Always has been, always will be. She is always commenting about family members attire, looks, whatever. When we confront her, she says 'you know I'm right' And lots of times what she is saying IS true, but none of us want to hear what snide comment she has to say. We all love each other in our family, and we're all really close, so as a result, we're all up in each others business sometimes.
BUT none of us will make a hurtful comment to a family member, what's the point? We as a family aren't afraid to call her on the carpet about it, and she takes it in stride. So, it is what it is, she is what she is, and as long as we can voice our objections, we put up with my ornery mom. :)

NAHEATON:

Loved your posting. You have a priceless ability to see things for what they really are. She says her piece, you say yours, and move on. Life is too short to be dealing with nonsense.