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Let me start with I am 15 years old. For the past 7 months I have been taking care of my recently disabled mother. In July my mom got diagnosed with a rare auto immune disorder that rendered her arms and legs (practically) completely useless. I couldn't leave her home alone and had to drop out of school to take care of her, she's a diabetic with a very bad pressure ulcer and I kept coming home to the house trashed from her trying to make herself food and falling so it was clear I needed to be home more. The doctors have her on a ton of steroids and a recovery time of at least 2 years and a full recovery is not promised I started online classes but we couldn't pay for it once she was forced to leave her job and we're currently waiting on her disability check. Anyway, I'm now in night school and my online credits couldn't be transferred so I now have to take summer school as well. I'm so physically and emotionally exhausted, I now drive her everywhere, I do all grocery shopping, cleaning, cooking, all important calls to doctors and lawyers, I even have to cut up her meat for her.

Everyone tells me that I'm so brave and such a good person but I don't want to be anymore!! My mom refuses to get a home health nurse, it makes her feel uncomfortable, and also doesn't want to go to assisted living though it has been offered to her on several occasions. We have no family here, so I'm doing this myself, I have no friends, no one to talk to about any of this. She also takes her anger out on me, she's shoved me, rammed her walker into my legs, yells at me all the time about all the things I do wrong. I just don't want to do this anymore. We plan to move closer to family later this year, her health permitting but I know its still going to fall on me. I feel like im honestly taking care of a toddler, when she's angry she throws her drinks and screams and cries and I know it's mostly because she's angry at her illness and not me but I can't take it.

I'm also scared for my future, I want to go to the university of Miami, its my dream school, but this summer school is really going to set me back and I'm scared that my mom won't be better in time for me to go to college. She's even asked me to consider online classes during college so I can stay home and take care of her. I'm scared that this is all my life will ever be, taking care of my mother until she dies. I get these sick thoughts that I wish she would die just so I wouldn't deal with this pressure and her tantrums and I would actually have a life again. I WOULD NEVER HURT HER OR GIVE HER SECOND RATE CARE THOUGH. Just saying. I cry almost every night and I just want to scream at her that I'm trying my best but I'm just 15. I only have my license because she's disabled, I'm not old enough to get a job. I feel like I'm 30 years old with a baby, I have to feed her, dress her, help her go to the bathroom. I do everything and it all happened so quickly my head is spinning. Its not even like I can take a break, I have no friends to unwind with and no one to leave my mom with.

There isn't much on the internet for kids like me taking care of sick parents so I figured I'd post here for advice and help and for someone to just tell me it's going to be okay i guess. And please don't suggest I talk to her about it, I've tried and she ended up guilt tripping me on how much worse she has it. Thank you for listening to my rant and I appreciate any words of wisdom you could give me.

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Originally started 3 years ago. The other day, in my AC email, I found an interesting topic. I clicked on it. Read it and was about to comment. Wait. Let me check the date first. Yep, it was an old article/thread. I changed my mind about commenting. I think this is how old threads surface. Someone sees it in their email and taps it, read and then comment... not realizing it was written years ago.
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The picture that immediately comes to mind is a picture of young refugees taking care of their infant brothers and sisters. There is always someone worse off than we are.
Something was clearly not right with the original post other wise we would have heard from her again. If she has not come back there is no way we can help her so its leave this thread alone.
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It's not important what your mother wants and expects. Find out who your state senator and representative are and send them the letter you sent us. At that point, if they don't help send a copy to the editor of your newspaper. That should get things started for help. Also call the Alzheimer's Association for your area, tell them your story and they will help 24 hours a day. Your mother is putting you in harms way and it needs to stop. Do you have a church affiliation? Call the minister or priest, Catholic Charities, your school's nurse and counselor. This is abuse and help is available.
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If you are 15, I am guessing your mom is under the age of 40. Surely her doctor knows the situation and is concerned? If you reach out for help, it may make your mom angry, but you will be doing her the biggest favor you could possibly give her. Be brave. Via con Dios!
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I became a caregiver for my terminally ill grandmother at 15. I missed a lot of school and ended up failing that year. My mom had to work and my dad (my grandmother's son) wouldn't care for her. I've been in your shoes, love.
Please take care of yourself. Especially your mental health. I haven't read through the comments to see if there is an update but I'm so sorry you are/were in this situation.
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Im so sorry this has happened to you where are u at if i am close to you i would love to help you .i am also sick i live with two teenage boyd 18 and 20 the 20 year old has a little hate agaist me cause his dad took him from me when he was a baby i tried everything to find him but i couldnt i had my 18 year old to take care of hiss dad was not a dad so i had to raise him me and my 18 has a really good relationship i feel until the 20 year old came into the picture i feel he is trying to put a wedge in between us and he tells at me all the time and i am sick but i still keep the house clean and cook for them but anyway just thought if u need someone to talk to or whatever im here my name is Christina i hope to here back from u i really would like to help.
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Which is why I'm wondering if this was a fake letter, or if this poor poster has just packed up and lit out for a better life, lol. I mean. It sounds like the plot of a horror move, and if I were him or her, I would have been outta there the minute I turned 18, if I had nowhere to go until then, no other relatives.
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This thread is 3 years old and the original poster has not returned to update us.
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You are a remarkable young person. Wow.

As mature as you sound you should not be forced to grow up in an instant. You have not experienced your own independence yet and here you are with a dependent. Your lack of life experience makes it so much easier to guilt you into doing her bidding. None of this is your fault but you are paying a high price for it. At 15 you are still developing mind & body. You need room to grow and time to have the experiences that shape all of us. The stress that you are under will affect you more in certain areas because you are still developing.

I believe there is a duty to care for our parents but only to the best of our abilities, not our demise.

I feel for your mother who is suffering with an affliction that is not her fault and beyond her control but this situation is also beyond your control. That is the only thing that calling APS says about you. It doesn't mean you don't love her, care about her, worry about her, or want the best for her. You are not selfish or unfeeling. It is quite simply beyond your abilities and control. There's no shame or guilt in that. You tried and are still trying, more than some adults I know. Be proud of that. I think maybe if your mom wasn't suffering she'd be proud of you too.

If you are able to put the same efforts back into your schooling and whatever else your dreams may be, you'll go far. Then you'll be in a position to really help your mom.

Bottom line: call for help now.

Good Luck!
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I agree these old posts need archived because.when u look at NEWS FEED this old a** post along with others show up mabe an email to the ppl tht run the joint is needed??
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Have we heard from the original poster, has she ever replied back from a couple of years ago about what happened with this nightmarish situation? Beginning to wonder if it was a fake letter, though there are more horrors in this life than we can dream of.
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PLEASE GO BACK TO SCHOOL!!!! you sound so smart and educated don't let your opportunity to go to college and "be a kid" slip by I can tell you obviously love your mother I have an adult Friend who takes care of her husband he is angry and verbally abusive because he can no longer take care of himself(he became tht way before she married him it was her choice God love her) and you don't deserve the abuse YEA ABUSE DISABLED OR NOT contact someone,anyone do not for the love of God give up your life as young as you are right now go to college get a good job for shits sake pay so.eone on top of what diabilty covers but you are WAAAY too young to have to do what your doing you obviously have a good heart and want to see tht mom gets the best care but at what expense? Seriously
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Shelby, you may be thinking CPS or Adult Protective Service are agencies that are out to get your mom in trouble. They are social workers with lots of knowledge of other agencies who might be able to help you. Here is a phone number to call .Illinois Department of Human Services.
800 843 6154. Tell them you need a social worker. They will forward your call to appropriate agency. Now, you must learn to accept help which means you will not be in complete control anymore. I know that sounds scary, but it is necessary.
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I should've also told you previous answer to call 911 and have your Mom taken to hospital for at least 3 nights so she can get transferred to Nursing rehab
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You need help 24 hr care for her asap or else you will both have to go to assisted living. Contact Social Services today and let them guide you. Call your school & let them know what's going on. You need help. You have a Dad or siblings?
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Old posts show up when you do a search for certain key words. Then the searcher, not looking at the date of the original post, posts on them and there they go up for another round! Just as I sent this one around for another go by posting this.
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I agree. Over the last couple of months, there seem to be MANY old threads from years ago that show up, because posters don't realize they are very old and not likely relevant anymore. Of course, there may be a good reason to get information from an OLD post, but, it's not that often.

I'm hesitant to say much about site features, since we are now facing lots of new features and I LOVE IT, but, I do wish that the old threads were placed in an ARCHIVE file and actually say ARCHIVE once they are over a year old that is in a brightly colored caption. There needs to be a way to alert people that it's an old situation that happened years ago and the person needing suggestions has likely moved on from that situation. People are thoughtful and spend a lot of time thinking and writing their responses. It seems unfair for them to do all that for something that is no longer relevant.

And how are these old thread found? I never see them unless someone else revives them. WHERE do they find them?
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Shelby -- Stay focused on your future at University of Miami, and listen to the good advice that has been posted here.
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Why are old (2 years old) posts showing up in my emails now as if current? I just answered another that was 8 months old before I realized it was not a current issue. Frustrating!
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Do I have some advice? Yes. Call APS and get out of that hellish existence. I think you have PTSD and can't think right any more. She needs far more than you can give and you do not have the right to sacrifice your own life trying to prop her up. Call someone. You are being badly damaged right now, and if it continues....for what purpose?
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Hi, im currently 17 and have gone though and still are going through something similar. My father is currently suffering from memory loss and back problems He also has blood pressure problems and his legs fill with liquid if he is on them for to long. So i under stand to a lesser degree what you are going through and i will not give you bs about this, it is hell and it never ends. I currently take care of the home, school, and siblings on top of my dad and have no relatives that are close or have the funds to help out. It is a struggle to get through the day without worrying if he will go off driving and will become distracted and crash. Or try to walk around the neighborhood naked. Ive been dealing with things like this for several years. Redressing surgery wounds calling ambulances and seting up doctors apointments. Let me be the first to tell you that this will take over and ruin your life. After four years of doctors saying that if you try this suegery or that medicine it will all get better in a bit has done nothing and i wish you the best of luck but your in this for the long hull and while people migh commend you for your bravery they wont step up when the time comes that tou want a life of your own.
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Hi, I'm 18 years old with a similar situation as yours, my mother has many neurological diseases, she's 38 years old with the body of an 80 year old woman and relies on me for almost everything. I wanted to tell u that ur so strong and u have a beautiful soul! I also want to tell u that u deserve to live ur dream, I can understand that u feel u should be there taking care of ur mother bc I feel the same with mine.
Ur mother will be ok even without u. U should go to college and live ur dream, u deserve it. Idk if ull see this but I hope u do and I hope u are able to do what u want and what u deserve.
Much love
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Hi Shelby,
I woke up early this morning and read your post and all of the advice the wonderful people here were kind enough to give you and the genuine concern for your well being is shared by all of us.
I want to ask you to consider a few things that came to mind. Your Aunt and Uncle frightened you when you saw how angry they were but wouldn't you be angry if you were supporting your sister only to find out she was gambling all of the money away? Did you think about the fact that your mom can fend for herself for hours and hours sitting at a casino but you couldn't leave her while you went to school? If it's not too late maybe you could talk to your Aunt about possibly paying the rent directly to the landlord and the utilities as well and sending gift cards for the grocery store? That way she would be assured of the money she is giving is being used correctly and not supporting a gambling habit. I know I would not have left my mom either at your age but you have to make sure to set things up so she does not cause you to constantly disrupt both of your lives by losing all and ending up in a countless stream of shelters. You are stronger than you realize and you have to take the bull by the horns if you want to end this cycle of shelter life.
The world needs you to be a doctor! We're all rooting for you to get back to school and you don't seem like a quitter to me, so get going and keep moving toward your goal no matter how many rocks get thrown in the path of your life you will learn to kick them out of your way.
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Can your aunt in Florida apply for emergency guardianship of you and fly you down to live with her, while APS gets things figured out with your mother? You really need out of that situation. The sooner the better...
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I'm sorry honey, but what is going on in your family is child abuse. Child protective services needs to be involved and your mother needs an ADULT CAREGIVER. it is NOT your job to care for your mother full time, while giving up your schooling. School is your job, until you graduate. And if you choose to go to college, that is your job. Then if you choose to help your mother, you can do so, if you choose to do so. You mother can apply for welfare, disability etc. She is not the only disabled mother out there. I am sorry for her conditions and her problems, but they are NOT YOUR PROBLEM'S. Please keep us updated on what happens. My heart goes out to you!
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Hey there, Shelby. Just got onto this thread. Hope you're still hanging in with us.

I was reminded of a presentation given years ago at my church called "Dejunking Your Life." (Wish I could find the video that was made then. I could use a refresher course!) One of the suggestions given was to have three persons on whom you can count for support: one to sympathize and comfort; one to brainstorm solutions; and one to kick you in the butt (figuratively) and get you moving towards your goals. Looks like you have encountered all three on this board, but if you could round up such persons in your "offline" life you would have a real live support team. Not knowing all that was said during the "blow-up," I can only guess, but your uncle might have been in the role of #3 helper when he got on your case.

Keep in mind that nobody, whether 15 or 50, can see the whole picture when we are smack dab in the middle of it. Please find some quiet alone time to think, pray, write down your thoughts, make a list of pros & cons, articulate your goals, assess your resources.

Here's looking at you, kid! You are amazing! We all send thoughts and prayers your way...
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Hi Shelby, hope you are still able to read these posts with excellent suggestions. Many people here are praying that you and your mom get the help you need.
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When people say "its my only choice" and its not, really, what's going on? They feel bad about what they are going to do, but not bad enough to do the thing that's harder that they really need to do. Shelby, homeless kids do actually go to school - you quite possibly have other classmates in something closer to your situation than you realize, and they keep it under wraps just liek you probaby have. Tailing along with your mom on her long slow trip to losing everything is comfortable and familiar. I can fully understand not giving it up, but the reality is you are sacrificing or diminishing your chances of going on to anything better anytime soon, and not really helping her, but enabling her to keep on going down that wrong-way, one-way street to nowhere that she has been on for a while now. I'm praying something one of us has said will touch your heart and give you enough faith in yourself to try something different. I'm praying the next adult you have some face time with will not let you down. Print this off and give it to them. If you don't have a printer, private message me a fax number to fax it to and I will send it there.
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I'm sure she'll follow...as I said before, my friend acted the same, dominated her daughter the same, at the end of the day she followed. Another poster was right, your her enabler and she can't and wont be without that. Why not try it? How bout even tell her you're going and set a date (even if it's not true) just say you're going no matter what and see how she reacts. Keep it up for a week or so and don't waiver, say you're going and that's it...see if she won't budge a little...if she does then you know she will follow. I know she's your mom, right now I'm caring for a sister in law who manulipulates me...no where as powerful as what a mom can do. She's stubborn sure, but she ends up bending if she has to, like when she accepted you're aunts money. She's not stupid, you're her only support who tries for her, no way in h*ll she will let that go...she will hop her happy butt on any means to get to you, so be strong and at least trick her into think your going by next week.i know you can't leave your mom behind...I'd never leave my mom sick either no matter what, I won't even leave my sister in law and she's made herself sick, SO I GET IT. By saving yourself you'll save her too, in fact, this is the only way to save her too...shelter hopping will get her sicker and sicker. GET TO YOUR AUNT, at this point maybe it's not even about school or your future or anything but saving your moms life...sounds like this is the only way. You've shown yourself as a truly caring person so you have to save your mom and FLORIDA and your aunt is the only way....with her illness shelter living is a gun to her head, if it was really a gun you'd knock it out of her hand...going to Florida and making her follow you is knocking the gun out of her hand. She survived shelters before, but she wasn't I'll like she is now...kiddo, you have to act to save your mothers life RIGHT NOW.
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Shelby, have been wracking my brain all day. I know a friend's little grown son had been a bit of "The Boy Who Cried Wolf". So, when he lost his job due to not coming in, since he did not feel well, at one point his family did not rally. SOME agency DID pay his rent for one month to keep him from becoming homeless. He was in rural setting, I don't remember all these years later like I wish I did, but it seems like the ORG was called "Good Samaritans". Don't know if they are national or not, but they did provide very temporary help on different expenses due to circumstances beyond a person's control. Sorry, just trying to think, keep you guys from losing the place you already have. (Ha-the kid had a potassium deficiency along with Meniere's disease, turns out he was not faking. But by the time a new Doc found it, most of his family had given up on him, all but his Mom, my friend.) An extra month may be long enough to find some resolve otherwise?

Don't be too alarmed by the adult/sibling argument you just witnessed. Sibling relationships can turn on a dime, in 2 seconds, literally, with a well placed "I'm sorry". If this was my Sis and Niece at this point, I'd likely as not just go get them, put them in a part of the house, (basement, spare room), they/we could have some privacy, quiet, ...start sorting out from there. Don't give up on that, as pamstegman just said, (and I guess I did earlier today), if your Auntie didn't love your Mom, and you, she would not be upset right now. Most anger in this world is based on hurt. :-) Hang in there.
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