My older sister is verbally abusing my mother, the home is trashed, and she might be taking her money. What should I do?

Yes call it in.... all you have to do is call, and they can get the proof when they go there... please do something about this asap..... prayers for you and your mom......

K:

I were an RN the last thing I'd want is having to do even more nursing at home. Plus cook, clean, and do laundry. I'd be on duty 24/7 and a prime candidate for burnout -- if I haven't gone down in flames already. Whoever lives with me will eventually become the repository of my misguided anger.

You should definitely call and have the situation investigated, but start making preparations in case you become the caregiver.

Your sister and Mom both need help, but I'd rather have a heart-to-heart chat with your sister to ask how you -- and everyone else in the family -- can be of assistance.

A man in our area who was a caregiver for his Mom reported that his Mom was unresponsive and was found dear in deplorable condition-I will not go into the details but he is now in jail. If you are on good terms with your sister and have family who would be able to help with her care or give money towards care I would talk to your sister-I would tell her you are going to report in in one week if things are not extremely better and also think of what is going to happen your sister and you could both be in trouble for her condition-your Mom will probably be placed in a nursing home and her house and any assests like social security and money in the bank will be used for her care-if your sister lives with her she will be without a place to live-think it through and then do what your heart tells you to do. If you care about your sister and you are able to help her in any way you must do that-if there are other family members you might want to have a meeting with everyone at your Mom's house to discuss what is to happen but if there is no other answer you know what you have to do.

AUSTIN:

Good stuff!

Definitely call you local Department of Aging Protective services and they will do an anonymous visit and find out what is happening. Tell them you think there is elder abuse and financial explotation going on. You don't have to give you name if you don't want to and your sister will not know who turned her in unless you tell her. I turned my sister in for financial explotation and my sister was investigated and had to turn over all my mother's money and show where she spent it all. She had it hidden in 5 different accounts so no one could get it. Please don't wait. If you have suspicions your gut is usually right!

kagusta, you have a valid question, but it really doesn't offer much info as to the medical condition of your Mother. Does she have Alz/Dem or any memory impairment? If you have witnessed any abuse an assesment of the situation should be launched for the well being of your Mother. Do you actively participate in the care of your Mom or just visit? In what manner does your sister verbally abuse? When asking questions regarding sibiling mannerisms in care it is important to keep in mind that every parent/child relationship is different yet interwoven. What one regards as verbal abuse those involved in the interaction would only consider to be communication on a personal level. Are your Mother's needs met? Hugs to you and your Family.

You have a role. Take care of your mom. Move her into your home. Move her to better circumstances.

Clean out and sell your mothers home and excess belongings. Use the cash to pay for her care.

After you have done all that; then it can be the governments role to intervene in your family dynamic, but their is much you need to do to care for your mother first.

I agree with LindaGS as well. If you have the capability to take your mom then do so. But you may have a fight if your sister is using her money as she will not relinquish your mother that easily cause the money may mean more to her and quite honestly that is what it sounds like by your post. Your mother's welfare is most important and I know I would move heaven and earth to take care of my mom if someone was hurting or neglecting her. At the end of my mom's life and my own I know my heart did the right thing and there will be no guilt only good memories of trying to help my family first.

There is no excuse stealing money, and there is no excuse for abuse, but sometimes there are reasons that people lose it and lash out. You don't state what kind of help you are giving your mother. How long has your sister been taking care of your mother? If your sister is in this all alone, she herself may be at the end of her rope. My sister and I work together so that neither of us go crazy, our mother is a real piece of work.

Something smells a little fishy in Denmark. Your mother's home is trashed & she is being made to use her own bathroon ? That is unacceptable. Your Older sister is out of line & if she is doing that in front of people, what do you think she doing to your mother behind closed door? I would definately call & let it be known that you are ready to help in whatever way you can. Your mother deserves respect, peace & a safe place with people who can love & help her. And don't stop visiting your mother in the mean time, make your presence known & without a phone call or a reason that you are stopping by.