Should I report suspected elder financial abuse in the family?

Yes I would report this immediately. Go to the website for the Department of Health and Senior Services. There will be information on how to report this.

Yes, definitely report this! In order to protect your grandmother and the funds she has left, this would be the route to go. Not to mention the moral side of the issue. You obviously care about your grandmother. This happened to my grandmother, but I didn't learn about the awful condition she and her finances were in until after the neglect had taken her life. The lack of care can contribute to illness and even death. Don't wait to take action.

Why are you stuck? Your grandmother is your sister's source of income, but is she yours? Are you dependent on that income as well?

I agree. Report immediately. Generally speaking if your grandmother does have dementia, and, this is a medical fact, you have a strong case. In addition to what is recommended by others, I would suggest filing a police report and seek the advice of your county prosecutor. If you are financially able, seek custody of your grandmother for her protection. As mentioned by others do not wait. God Bless you in your efforts to save your grandmother.

Absolutely!!!!! Don't even wait. I reported my sister and they investigated her and she had to give the money back. Please don't wait. Protective Services and the department of aging in your area will investigate it right away and anonymously if that is what you would like. They will show up there without a word and see what is happening. Please call today!!!!!

Hi, if you have proof that she has done this with the money, then I would definately report it. I think by taking this to your uncle you have started. If you think this is better dealt with inside the family, then that is your choice. Somethings are better left that way. The authorities aren't going to make it better. I would ask other family members to be in charge of your grandmas money, and when your aunt needs money for her, she would have to ask for it, and give a reason why. This would ensure that the money used is for your grandmother, and her household. It might be easier to appoint an attorney to do this. That way, no one in the family would have to deal with this responsibility. Then, the rest of the family could be given copies of her monthly bank statements, and spending reports. I know this sounds a little business like, but, that is how it should be done. In the end, any money left from your grandma would be left to her heirs. I wouldn't let her daughter have the rest of the money, or the house, because when that is all gone, she will probably stick her in some institution.

I agree with sodapopp12 about having someone else do the money. We also had my uncle agree to be my mother's POA instead of my sister but my sister refused to give up her power. That is when we had protective services involved. This was the only way to make her give up her POA as that is what my mother wanted and it was also in the best interest of my mother. It put a neutral party in charge of mom's finances and it was someone who loved her and would do what was necessary to see she wasn't being financially exploited.

Who takes care of grandmother after your sister leaves at 5:00?
If your sister is paid to take care of her shouldn't that include bathing?
I do agree Aunt should not leave her mom alone.
I'm not siding with your Aunt, she may be a horrible swindler, but if the mother will defend her and the Aunt is putting a roof over her head......just devils advocate here as to what she might respond with.

Please don't take offence in any way to my reply. It is based on facts. This is one of those 'tread lightly' gray areas. Have your Grandma's physicians in any way noted any concern over your Gma's wellbeing? Has her health declined? How active are you in the care of your Gma or do you only visit? Does anyone have POA or Guardianship? You mentioned a 'sick relationship and manipulation' and brainwashing. Someone suffering from Alzheimers is difficult to manipulate or brainwash. Even to coerce them to take a bath or their meds can be extremely difficult at times and can lead to the afflicted becoming combatitive. Force can't be used at any time for any reason. Even though a person has a memory issue they still have rights. Have the Adult Protective Services do a well being check on your Grandma. How informed are you in the many facets of Alzheimers? If the rest of the family has a different view on your Gma and Aunts situation are they actively participating in any way to notice the things you point out? When a third party steps in to settle such disputes it can be a can of worms that in the end only hurts the one that deserves the most consideration. Someone such as your Gma. It happened in my family. My sibling was concerned about our Mom and granted we were at odds on Mom's care. She wanted to place Mom in a facility and Mom wanted to be in her home. Our Dad had 3 months prior to the time passed away so we were all in a highly emotional state. She wanted to be in her home with her little dog. (Her house is mortgage free). My sibling had POA, which Mom revoked and Mom and I did a caregiver contract. Since my sibling initiated a petition for Guardianship and we weren't speaking at the time, the court brought in an outside organization and gave them guardianship. Granted Mom gets a portion of her benefits, but if she wants to just get up and go I have to go thru the court and get approval before Mom can in any way spend any of her money. These are my Mom's last days and it so hurts me that her money is sitting and not at her convience to enjoy with her family. Granted it isn't sums such as your Gma's, but the principles are the same. Any estate remaining goes to my sibling and myself. And what good is that knowing the pleasure it would have given Mom to travel the way she likes. My sibling and I now see how we were manipulated into third party involvement. The well being of your Gma is MOST important. Bless you for your concerns, but please handle with full, factual, information. Changes are not one of the areas that go smoothly to someone suffering from Alzheimers.

This will be a bit long......What was the situation before 8 months ago?

This is sticky. I'm assuming gran is not in imminent danger, my suggestion is that before you contact anyone, can your sister put on her best Nancy Drew and get documentation? What she needs to look for are bank statements that are about 6 to 8 months apart for 3 years, same for receipts for medications, credit card statements. Get them, run to Kinko's & them return them without your aunt or grannie knowing. I would NOT let grannie know what you are doing, as it sounds she is aligned with her daughter no matter what. The checks that are of a significant amount (over 5K) you need to have front & back copies of. If any are over 10K the bank is keeping track of those because of Homeland Security issues
Also you need to find her annual SS retirement statement - this comes out every January so that is right around the corner. If she get's any federal or RR retirement their annual statement come out in Jan too. Make a copy of those and ny other retirement/annuity or other income producing assets. If sis is there 8:30 - 5 every day she has time to do this and do it carefully. This way you have an accurate idea of what gran's assets truly are.

If your gran has selected your aunt as her DPOA, MPOA and perhaps even "Guardian in case of incapacity", then she (your aunt) has the upper hand in all this, so you better make sure whatever documentation you have is locktight. If your sister is getting paid under the table for gran, this could become a real issue in court if she wants co or full guardianship & IRS wise for her.

Gran can choose to give your aunt and her nephews $$$ if she wants to. Even if they are worthless POS. The ? is....is she competent and cognitive to do so?

What does her medical chart say? Has your sister gone to any doctors appointments with her & if so what did the doctor say?

Now if APS comes in who is going to take care of gran? Are you willing to drop and stop everything so gran can move in with you? Do you have a home that can provide her a private room & bath and whatever else is available at your aunt's house? Are you or other family members willing to go to court to be appointed grans guardian or conservator; provide the documentation that you are suitable & perhaps be bonded; and deal with the reporting and court hearings?

I have been executrix twice for 2 aunts estates and probate court where this is held is usually also where they do guardianships/conservatorships and I have heard an earful of family friction on this very issue. It is hard to prove what is elder financial fraud when it is within the family as so much of the $ is co-mingled and the elder often wants to help the family member. The judge has a tough decision. So often they can & usually do the "devil that you know route" that is without obvious abuse like produce photos they are living in absolute squalor, they are in & out of the ER, have open wounds, APS has a pretty damming report, etc, they will usually let the elder continue to live in the home but will tell the caregiver (your aunt) that she has to report to either the court or APS for a period of time. In other words "the devil that you know is better than the devil you don't know". If that happens it will not be pretty for you and your sister will be out of a job.

The other option is for the court of appoint an outsider to handle the elder's case -
The G/C judge does NOT have to appoint you or a family member as the G/C. If there is family friction or abuse, they will appoint an outsider to manage the elder's affairs and that person will be paid to do so out of the person’s assets. There is always a paralegal representing law firms about the courthouse that are there to have their firm appointed as guardian/conservator. The Court has the right to remove the elder from all family members and make him a Ward of the State.
If this happens family is cut out of the picture entirely in where she goes & what the $ is spent on. If there is $ and the family is not all kum-ba-ya on gran's care then the judge will often make them a ward of the state just to shut everybody up.

Regarding your aunts spending down gran's $ in order to qualify for "govt. assistance/medical care", your gran should already be on Medicare, she qualified for that once she turned 65. She might also have a secondary insurer, like BCBS or a Medicare supplement plan. Before you go and contact APS you need to know what's what & available for gran's care.

If your aunt is looking for Medicaid to step in to pay for gran's care then that would likely be when gran moves into a NH. She doesn't need that right now as your sister is being paid for providing in-home care daily. If & when she moves into a NH and applies for Medicaid, the look-back period is 5 years. Could your aunt be planning and doing a spend-down right now so that she is eligible for 2016?

Whatever the case, your aunt or whomever places gran into a NH will need to provide documentation to the state to account for gran's assets for up to 5 years prior to qualify for Medicaid to pay for the NH. Also you sign off in the application for the state to access any accounts gran has, so if $, property or other assets were transfered within that period, the state will find out eventually. A penalty is placed on the persons NH account that the family will have to private pay till the penalty period is over, this usually comes up after they have been accepted into the NH "Medicaid pending". The penalty is a % equation for this which depends on each state's NH average NH rate & medicaid reinbursement. If your aunt has had control over the assets for the 5 years prior, the NH will come to her for the $ if gran is assesed a penalty. She can ask, as DPOA for gran, for the state for a waiver, do an appeal, have hearings, etc - it will keep her busy and can be a real nightmare. So she won't get away from doing this IF she is doing transfers to get gran poor to qualify for Medicaid

My point is you need to think this through carefully. I'd see if there is an aunt or uncle that wants to take over for gran's care and financial management or co-manage it with you. Good Luck.