Home » Senior Living » Assisted Living » Questions » How can I physically remove my mother from…

How can I physically remove my mother from her home and move her into an Assisted Living Facility?

Asked by Bree  |  Jan 1, 2010

 Print

Email Email

TRICKS NEEDED: How do you physically remove someone from there home , to Assisted living.

My mother has alzheimers.
In denial.Thinks shes fine.How do I physically remove her from home? She will physically fight.HELP! im stressed, I am the only child..only family...wanting to put her in assisted living is enough stress...to ACTUALLY GET HER THERE WILL BE A MIRACLE.
If anyone is famaliar with Tyler Perry movies...there is a character called MADEA..THATS MOMZ! HELP ME!!

Answer This Question

 
 
 

Sheri Samotin, Jan 20, 2010

Sheri Samotin brings more than 25 years of business and management experience to LifeBridge Solutions. Sheri is a graduate of Wesleyan University and holds an MBA from Dartmouth College. Sheri is a member of numerous professional organizations and serves on the steering committee of Collier County’s Leadership Council on Aging.

 

Hi Bree,
It sounds like a complicated situation, and it's hard to give much advice without the answers to a few questions.

You mention that your Mom is in denial regarding the diagnosis of Alzheimer's disease, which is not unusual. Was the diagnosis explained to her by a trusted physician with whom she's had a relationship for awhile? If not, I'd suggest you try that.

Others have brought up the issue of Power of Attorney. Do you have this (and the other critical legal documents in place)? If not, you need to determine immediately whether she is still able to sign such a document (or if her dementia has already rendered her unable to do so). An attorney in your state is the best person to address this. As others have said, if you DO have a valid POA, you are in a position that you can take action. In the event that it's too late to get a POA, the attorney will be able to advise you regarding seeking conservatorship or guardianship.

Are you sure that assisted living is the right placement for Mom? The answer to this is determined both by her condition and prognosis, as well as by the financial resources available to her. One of the things you have to think about is whether there will be enough money to take care of her until the end of her journey. The decision you make in the short run regarding where is best for her to live should be based on thinking through a budget. If a placement is indeed the right move at this time, you may need to look into a facility with a memory unit, especially if your Mom is at risk of wandering outside of the facility and getting lost or injured.

If all of the above has been thought about, is the key issue that Mom just says she doesn't want to move? If so, there are a number of options to try. Perhaps a short stay at the facility you have chosen is possible. Many allow for "respite stays" which would allow your Mom to "visit" for a few days. In my practice, I've experienced situations where Mom then doesn't want to go home because she's already acclimated to her new environment. As an alternative, perhaps getting an objective third party involved will help. This person can talk with your Mom and try to get an understanding of what is underlying her unwillingness to consider moving. I've often seen that the denial is really about fear and sadness, and if those feelings can be aired and validated that the elder will eventually come up with the idea of moving on her own.

Good luck, and know that you're not alone!

-- Sheri

 
 

(0)

Report this Post 

 

Aleeta

Give a Hug

Jan 19, 2010

There is a relatively new field called Geriatric Care Manager.
I believe those people might be more familiar witgh services and
legal issues than the 'rest of us'. Here is the national website which might help you locate such a specialist in your area:
http://www.caremanager.org/

Also, look into establishing your mother with a geriatric specialist doctor near you--if your mother's current doctor isn't comfortable working with you offering guidance.

If you mother is saying 'NO' to relocation, there won't be much you can do without a POA and her doctor's backing you up, until she becomes a danger to herself or the public.

Be advised that not all assisted living facilities can or will take Alzheimer's residents. Keep regular watch on her if she does move into any type of residential care. She'll receive better care with you being involved.

 
 

Helpful Answer (2)

Report this Post 

 

anne123

Give a Hug

Feb 6, 2010

Bree-
There is an organization called the National Association of Senior Move Managers. ( Look for it on Google.) This organization consists of people who are professionals who help seniors move from one living situation to another. The NASSM can provide you with names of people in your area who could either help you, or could put you in touch with someone who could help you implement this move. If you cannot afford one type of "helper", perhaps you could find another who is more affordable, or is free of charge. You could also contact your local hospital(s) to find out if there are volunteer "senior helpers" in your area who could help you out. You could call local senior communities to ask about the same thing. I am an only child too, and I could not care for my parents without help from others. Good Luck.

 
 

Helpful Answer (1)

Report this Post 

 

Cat

Give a Hug

Jan 1, 2010

Bless you - if your mom is a Madea then you are going to need some help. Since Madea is "all about me" you will have your work cut out for you. Is there anyone she listens to?

 
 

Helpful Answer (0)

Report this Post 

 

Bree

Give a Hug

Jan 1, 2010

Yes Cat...I cry a lot to a friend, but shes thousands of miles away.... And I cry a lot to God.

 
 

Helpful Answer (0)

Report this Post 

 

Bree

Give a Hug

Jan 1, 2010

For those who arent familar with Madea...I feel like the girl getting slapped sometimes ( ONLY I DONT DESERVE IT)

 
 

Helpful Answer (0)

Report this Post 

 

Bree

Give a Hug

Jan 1, 2010

Cat...yes since the alzheimers hit, it seems like my mom is becoming all about herself too...and God know she always used to put me first..I was never spoiled ( nothing to spoil me with) but protected .

 
 

Helpful Answer (0)

Report this Post 

 

Sandy48

Give a Hug

Jan 19, 2010

- having her doctor tell her might help. He can tell her that he feels she needs someone to help her on a regular basis. If she thinks, 'its all about me' - this might make her willing.

 
 

Helpful Answer (0)

Report this Post 

 

spicecat3

Give a Hug

Jan 19, 2010

Dear Bree,

If you have Power of Attorney for your Mother, it may be easier for you to help her.

Since Civil Rights come into play, if your Mother does not want to go into assisted living, you really can't make her go. Now, if she is endangering herself, call Social Services (Adult Protective Services) and ask if they will do a check on your Mother and her home.

Also, if you have Power of Attorney and can speak to your Mother's Doctor, maybe he would be willing to write a letter stating that your Mother can no longer take care of herself, her medical or financial needs.

Hope this helps.

 
 

Helpful Answer (0)

Report this Post 

 

pamela6148

Give a Hug

Jan 19, 2010

Bree my prayers are with you.

 
 

Helpful Answer (0)

Report this Post 

Answer this Question

Please stay on topic or ask a new question.

Find Senior Housing that fits you needs

Search location:
I am looking for:

Join the Discussion

Have a question? Just need to vent? Find answers and support from the real experts - other caregivers!

Recent Community Activity

I read alot of these questions but most are about Mothers or Fathers. I'm not sure my husband has this or…
Answered 25 mins ago by geewiz

Mom keeps going to the bank and withdrawing money and then forgetting about it. Is there anything I can do…
Answered 54 mins ago by 195Austin

If I have durable power of attorney and my mother can still say yes or no to being placed in a facility.…
Answered 2 hrs ago by Carol Bradley Bursack

If Medicaid takes my income, How do I pay the taxes and expenses of my home?
Answered 2 hrs ago by Carol Bradley Bursack

The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?
Comment 2 hrs ago by allshesgot

More From The Community »