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How to explain to police that woman with dementia is violent (biting, wielding knives, etc.) and tells lies about being abused. The abuse is actually from her.
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My mother, with dementia and other serious health issues, is always telling people I exaggerate her health and diagnosis. She tells people that she was not very sick during the last hospitalization. She can't take in that she was unconscious and unresponsive for the best part of the day in the ER and in the room after admission. My friend and I both sat that whole long day wondering if she would regain consciousness..her dementia has been worse since this episode too. Her primary is not helpful at all. Mom is able to appear "with it" when she needs. I always get looked at sideways as overreacting. So hard to be the bad guy all the time. I am grateful for these posts about recording behavior! I hope you choose to do the same....this is excellent advise. Sending hugs for your journey down this road!
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We went through that too and my heart goes out to you. My mother came to live with my family - unexpectedly because she had a series of mini-strokes and couldn't take care of herself. At the time we didn't know what was wrong with her until she was finally diagnosed by a neurologist and placed on Namenda to help with the Alzheimer's diagnoses. She kept saying she wanted to go home and her behavior became violent against my family members. She'd call the police and tell them we were keeping her here without her consent. As you are aware they will talk to her alone and someone will talk to the family member(s). Calmly explain to the police that your loved one has Dementia. They will understand. They have formalities they have to follow but they will be less alarmed when they call.

Also, talk to their family doctor. My mother's doctor prescribed her behavioral medicine that calmed her down. They can't help it. They are frightened. They know something is wrong, they know they are losing control of their minds and they don't want to be a burden on your family. It's a nightmare for them. She'd cry and apologize at night. It was so sad.

A light at the end of the tunnel.... One of the home health nurses told my mother she needed to move into assisted living where she could be among other seniors, have activities, a nice apartment of her own, etc. Once, my mother knew she wasn't going home she decided that's what she wanted to do and got excited about it. We found a great place eight minutes from our home and she settled in right away. It was amazing! And, she seems happy with her situation. Surrounded by her belongings and furniture. It gave her back control.

The manager explained that they find people who have early Alzheimer's or Dementia move into an independent assisted living facility they tend to become more independent again and get healthier. She immediately got used to their schedule, has her close group of friends and they were correct. We''ve even been able to have the doctor reduce the behavioral medicine - - slowly.

Good luck to you and your family. You have to make the right decisions for your parent and your family. I'm sure you will.
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Why on earth are you continuing to care for a woman who comes at you with knives! For your sake and your family's get her in a nursing home.

Why do we continue to believe people with dementia/Alzheimer's are playing with a full deck, ruining lives they touch? I would NEVER allow this type of violent behavior in my home no matter what they want to call it.

I have people telling me my mother looks great and doesn't seem to have dementia. What they don't know is she has one or two phrases she can use to answer their almost always same questions. After that, there's nothing in there. I don't even think there is FEELING in there.
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I am sure you will hear better answers, but there are very small recording devices available. Some look like key fobs & some like pens. Record her behaviour. I would think her doctor would be helpful. I cannot speak from this exact type of experience, but I like to believe that she has been seen & evaluated by a doctor who might be able to provide guidance. Perhaps the doctor has seen her exhibit this behaviour? Does she have a difficult time being 'good' in public or those she might want to hide this behaviour from? You will get better suggestions from people with more experience than I. The recording device is something we wished we had purchased and used. Hindsight being 20/20.
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If the local police are worth their salt, they will figure out what's going on. Our mother drove over to the local police dept and filed a report that my older brother had shoved her and broke her back. They "got" what was going on, took the report and that was all. I did feel bad that there is a report with my brother's name stating "Elder Abuse". At this point, my sister and I were in the process of obtaining guardianship. Once we got legal assistance, we took her car away, got mother into assisted living, on correct meds, and she is now on an even keel. BTW we also used a recording device from time to time, just in case we had to prove ourselves to the judge.
Also, check with your local Elder Abuse group, elder abuse goes both way and if you are hit or injured by this person, you may need to document these instances.
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Get her to a geriatric psychiatrist ASAP. Sometimes an inpatient psych evaluation can be a godsend in stabilizing a dementia patient with violent and abusive tendencies.
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These comments are so helpful. I suppose I have been lucky in that no one I know has been arrested on account of confabulations, much less myself. I have not even been a primary victim. I have seen enough, however, to feel panicky just thinking about what could happen to others in my mother's life, in particular the cruelty, the injustice, the ingratitude as experienced by her caretaker. He rises above it all over and over, but how can it be anyone's duty to show wisdom, compassion and self-sacrifice over and over and over again? At his age! They met and fell in love when she was 80 and he was 81 a bit over ten years ago. They had very few good years, and he's so paying for them. He's just got out of rehab after an emergency hip replacement. Fortunately, my mother has been in a care home for almost a year but she absolutely hates him for putting her there as a last resort - though he continued to adore her. She even accused him of trying to rape her about a year ago -- she raised the issue only with me, and I could not bear to even tell him she said it. I think she just wanted to get him removed from their home (which he actually owns), so that she could return to drinking a bottle of wine a day instead of taking her meds for Alzheimer's, COPD and heart problems. Her verbal abuse of him was never ending, and I was so ashamed of her behavior, no matter what the cause. If she could have seen what she was to become, she would have been as appalled as I am. She once had a fine intellect. We do not live in the same country -- I have no legal right to live in the country where she chose to move over 40 years ago and her caretaker has her power of attorney. I have wanted to be helpful for so many years, but there's little I can offer except respite care, and with one week exception, he refused that offer as not in her best interest. He was right about that as during that one week she kept believing that I was his new girlfriend and that he was "dumping" her. I had to show her my passport to convince her I was her daughter not once but twice. She wants to return to the US, she says, to live with her mother and father (dead since the 1970s) in a house my grandparents sold before I was born in 1947. How have our lives come to this? I AM in therapy and it is not very helpful.
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When she is wielding a knife, you call 911. If you can't do that, you are Co-dependent and need some counseling.
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Dear destroyed, I like the name you use. I am sorry you are using it in the past tense as this must mean that the damage has, ultimately, been done. I wish I could be more helpful to you. However, I can relate to your plight. My Dad & I were sitting in the driveway having just returned from church. He was still driving (badly) at the time. The conversation was normal for us, as conversations go. I don't remember what preceded it, but he suddenly looked at me, eyes glaring,and said, "Look, I know how to really hurt you if I want. I already have everything in place to destroy you!" I was so shocked & looked at him, thinking, "What could he possibly be thinking I did to him?" I mean, really, WHO SAYS THAT??? "What are you talking about?" I asked. He told me that he knew how to ruin me so I would be stripped of my nursing license, taken to jail, then put out on the street without any of my belongings (furniture, clothing, etc.) homeless, unable to ever work as a nurse again, with a criminal record, ostracized from my family, friends, peers, the police, and no one would believe me because he had a plan so cunning & well-thought out and he knew I was not capable of being more devious than he was, so I shouldn't try to. Can you believe that? My Dad & I have been close my entire life. I looked at this man and I said, "You are crazy! What is going on with you?" It was the first time he did anything like that. But, it wasn't the last. I was looking my Dad, but all I saw was EVIL! This someone else--not Dad! He would never, ever think to want to destroy me! To my horror, he tried to make good on his threat because he thought I was trying to have him diagnosed as "crazy." It got worse before it got better. I still don't know a good way to tell you to handle it. I say this little prayer every day & it helps a lot: Lord, remove anybody out of my life, that means me no good, serves me no purpose, and is not real & loyal. Bless me w/ the discernment to realize and give me strength to let go and not look back! Good luck to you! Take care of yourself! You have all my best! blou XOXOXOXOX!
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《《《《Group hug》》》》
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