What can I do with my elderly neighbor who lives alone and has dementia?

It's hunting4sanity here: I forgot to mention she is frail and debilitated. She doesn't eat and has lost 10 pounds from an already very thin frame. I can't be there to make sure she gets her medications, and she is not medicating herself properly at all. I go over there and her medicine is in plain view, but she insists it's lost. Bad situation!!

Get in touch with your state's Dept. of Aging or Alzheimer's association and see what they recommend. I'm sure there have been other incidents like this. Good luck!

You could be describing my Mother. The lashing out verbally to the only person willing to help (me), the already thin person not eating, paranoia, won't even consider leaving her home. I arranged to have a caregiver come in twice a week for 4 hours, which is all that my Mom can afford. Mom can't stand anyone being there IN HER HOME, and so she accuses this woman (and all who came before her) of stealing anything imagineable. In reality, my Mother is "putting things away for safekeeping" and then doesn't remember doing it or where she has stashed the missing items. Right down to forks and spoons and towels. You name it.
I just try to help my Mom in any way I can. Even if that means being sneaky.

I have put all of my Mom's bills on automatic payment from her savings account. I put her accounts online so that I can check to make sure that bills are paid and I can also make sure that no suspicious charges have appeared (since she says things like bank books and charge cards have been stolen). As long as she doesn't get it into her head to call the bank or credit card company, we're okay. (She has done both of these things several times, so that really creates havoc when she does that.)
Do you have Meals On Wheels in your community? You could try to set that up for her. Prepared meals delivered daily really entices them to eat, and they also have brief contact with another person, which can be important. I believe that the charge for this service is based on ability to pay, so it might be very affordable and it also decreases the need to buy as many groceries.
Another option, if more cash is needed, is taking out a reverse mortgage on her home or a home equity line of credit, which can be paid back automatically with monthly deductions from a savings or checking account. This extra money could pay for additional help during the week. Maybe someone coming over for 2 hours a day to help with bathing, cleaning, meal preparation, etc.
I got my Mother to accept a twice a week caregiver visit by telling her that Adult Protective Services insists that she needs 24/7 help at home or to be moved into a nursing home. She refuses to even consider moving, so she grudgingly accepts the home help. But I have to remind her of this every time she says she wants this woman out of her house.
As far as Mom starting fires, or falling, etc. I have to just cross my fingers that she will be okay...until she's not. I call her a few times a week to check on her, go over once every other week (or more often if needed), and the caregiver calls me if there's any problems or needs, etc. I am trying to keep to Mom"s wishes as closely as I can. But she does take all her anger and frustration out on me. She has dementia and just doesn't have the ability to see things as they really are anymore.
By visiting this site often and reading what others are going through and taking some suggestions on how to handle problems, I can sometimes avoid causing myself and my Mom more stress. It's hard not reacting when you're being yelled at or being accused of all sorts of things that just have no basis in reality. Definitely something that has to be re-learned over and over.
Good luck. Just remember to do what you can and don't feel guilty about what you can't change. Don't be afraid to just say, "I'm going now. I can see that I have out-stayed my welcome. We'll talk later." AND THEN GO! Don't leave in anger. Just cheerfully leave. ALSO, if you have an answering machine, use it! Screen her calls and don't pick up the phone if she's spouting off with crazy demands. You'll know that she's okay because she's calling you and she'll get the idea that you are not always available for her. You have a life too! Don't forget it.

Remember you have to take care of yourself and your husband's health and well-being before you take care of others. I agree you need to be in touch with the Agency on Aging for your region. Her other physicians and her attorney who did the power of attorney to you might be resources. Also, your local Alzheimer's association office.

I think I would place her in the home and visit her as much as you do now, then gradually cut back. Kicking and screaming? Too bad. Kids do that, too, but it doesn't make us change our minds or back down from doing the right thing. It is good of you to take the responsibility of POA, but you cannot let her ruin your life. I agree with Sheryl: contact an elder social worker and get an objective person to help sort it out. You are a Blessing:) hugs, Christina

Contact your "Area Agency on Aging" through your state or county for possible alternatives. Your friend's safety is #1 and she is not safe, regardless of how she reacts to the situation.