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How can we get my stubborn mother to take a shower?

Asked by hefferantm | Feb 4, 2010

My mother has dementia, and my sister and I take care of her. We are having a problem with her not taking a shower. We feel like we are arguing with a two-year old brat! What can we do, besides putting a clothespin on our nose?

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linda09

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Feb 4, 2010

my father doesnt like showers anymore , he has dementia too . when he sits on the toliet i fill up the sink full of very warm water and wash him top to bottom . then pat him dry and put some baby powder on him , it helps and makes him feel fresh too .
it is the only way he accepts that than the shower . good luck ...

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195Austin

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Feb 4, 2010

Make sure the bathroom is really warm maybe use some bubble bath make sure she can sit and make sure the floor is not sliperey and maybe one day do a bedbath or use a sitz bath in the toilet the warm water probably would feel good.

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rephill27

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Feb 4, 2010

I know she has dementia, but it might be worth asking her why she doesn't want to take a shower. She might fight you at first or give you the "I just don't want to" answer, but if you keep at it and keep changing the way you ask it you might find she has a real reason, and maybe it's something you can change to make her feel more comfortable. Good luck.

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NANCE

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Feb 4, 2010

My Mom use to hate taking a shower.
I found that instead of asking-I would just anounce, come on ,it's bath time, she would complain a bit but did get in, and then say how good it felt.
With Mom, I quit asking and did more telling.

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anne123

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Feb 6, 2010

I agree with Nance's comment....I have found that things go much better when I don't "ask permission" of my Dad to do something. I tell him as little as possible ahead of time, because then he just thinks about it and finds reasons he doesn't want to do it ( whatever it is). So now I wait until the time has arrived, and then I tell Dad we're going to do such and such. My mother was stubborn also ( she passed away), and I found with her that I got better results when I treaded lightly, and tried to allow her to feel somehow that the decision had been hers. This is not always easy, but worth a try. Bringing in third parties to put more gently pressure on the elder to do something helps also. There is strength in numbers. Having a doctor tell an elder he/she needs to do something is helpful.

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pamela6148

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Feb 6, 2010

I don't know much about dementia, so I'm not sure if this is a side effect from the desease. I do know that my mom is 90 and afraid to stand in the tub. She feels as though she cannot stand long enough to take a shower. She's 90.

Before she had her stroke, I would give her a shower and she would keep saying: "hurry up, hurry up, I can't stand long". I would go as fast as I could but she was weak and really couldn't stand that long but she'd always feel a lot better after the shower.

Now we just give her sponge baths in her bed and I've tried to tell her that I am willing to get in the shower with her to give her a shower and hold her up while my sister washes her. But she flat out refuses now.

I guess I'm saying that they know what they can and cannot do. If she doesn't want to take a shower wash her up in the bed, vaseline her down so she doesn't get ashey, and then put some nice sachet' cream on her to make her smell nice. They like this also. Put some cocoa cream on her face to keep it moist, and some "Touch of Pink" on her feet to keep them from cracking, comb her hair, and then you've done your thing. She feels good, and so will you.

And then you won't need that closepin :)

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