Frustrated with my family and caregiving. Where can I find emotional support?

Hi Johnb...First of all let me say WOW you traveled 4000 miles to help your mother. What a wonderful son. Second, (and here is some tough love) you need to contact your three sisters and have a family meeting. If they only live 20 miles away and you traveled as far as you did, they need to get off their **** and help you. I don't know where you live but there are support groups all over the country and I'm sure you can find one or more on this website, or Google Caregiver Support Groups and type in your area. And you're not whining. You are frustrated, concerned and looking for support like the rest of us. You're not alone, that's for sure. I've only been on this site a short while and have already found supportive people who care and have great advice from their own personal experiences.

Welcome to this sight. You have come to the right place for support. The people here have saved my sanity on many days. You aren't whining, you are asking for help. And even if you whine we are here to listen. You will not find a more supportive and informative sight.
There are headsets you can get for your mother to help her hear the tv . Go online and search. I also have two hard of hearing people and there are days I am exhausted from hollering. Neither one will even try the headset.
If you could be more clear on what all you need help with, you will get alot of suggestions and support. Talking to the sisters? Getting help for your mom when you go back to work? Assisted living? Let us know what your needs are and someone will have suggestions. Keep coming back to this sight and whine if you need to. We all have days we just need to get it out.

Hey John, How rare it is that a son will step up and help as you are doing. I admire you for being there for your mother, and I'm sure that she appreciates it also.
I have only one sister who lives back home which is 3000 miles away. She is unwilling to help or even offer support. I'm really upset with her because of this and I haven't called her in about 2 months, however she hasn't bothered to call me either. Everyday I have a conversation in my head with her, but I never call anymore because I know It's useless. I think.... well if she doesn't want to help my mom ... how about helping me? Not going to happen! So I go on as best as I can, but I do remember that I changed all of the names on the stocks recently to eliminate my sister's name. I am now the sole owner, so when the enevitable comes.. things will show up a little bit different than some people might expect. Gotta do what you gotta do! In the mean time; have you considered moving your mom 4000 miles with you? It sounds like she's in great hands with you. Well, something to think about. Best of luck to you.

Welcome to our club. I like to say your "venting" not whining. You have taken on a huge task as you well know. Kuddos

google 'tv ears'.......I will say they have been a total Blessing, with the both of my parents living with us. We have them at all of the TV's in our house, and the cradles will charge two sets at a time, and they are interchangeable...You can buy them online, or at your local CVS Pharmacy....God Bless you for traveling all of that way, just to take care of your Mom. I don't know sometimes, how these siblings of ours, can live with themselves, and be 'ok' with it, but, they will have to answer for it one day, not us.....Good Luck, and I hope you can find the headsets!!!

I have been a caregiver for 10 years now. The last five have been very confining. I am 78 years old and care for my 84year old husband. He has dementia and I can't leave him alone anymore. My financial situation does not include paying for help. However, My daughter has help that comes 3 times a week for her and she has offered to send the lady to me so I can get out some. My husband DOES not like this person. Should I just bite the bullet and get out some anyway? He was never selfish before but now, he only thinks of himself. I am very tired and need a break. Any advice? Thank you, Old Mississippi Gal

Nanny05 - This solution might sound very crazy, but it works at my house with my 86-yr old FIL who has mid-stage Alzheimers. Get the lady to come to your house, but have her put on a scarf and a name tag (with a name other than hers). "Introduce" the new person to your husband and say that she will be visiting with him. I do this myself with my own FIL because he won't listen to me about eating or taking meds, but when "Margaret" comes to work, he does everything "she" asks without even complaining!

Nanny05, I see that we're a month late in answering you. If you are still around ...

My husband is 86, is in his 9th year with dementia, and cannot be left alone. We cannot afford all of the costs of his care, but we applied for Medicaid early on. We have a fairly large monthly "spend down" but expenses above that are covered. (Kind of like paying a deductible.) Medicaid does cover varies in-home services. If you haven't talked to a case worker from Social Services, do not draw conclusions about what you can afford. You might be surprised.

You absolutely must get out some. That is not optional. Once we could count on our husbands to do many things, like fix the leaky laundry tub and fill out the tax forms and run errands and be considerate of our needs. Alas, we have lost all of that. Just as we've had to figure out how to take on or have somebody else take on the other tasks our husbands used to do, we have to learn to take care of our selves without their encouragement. It is sad, but necessary.

I'm sure you know that the increased selfishness is the dementia, not a change in his love for you. If he were in his right mind he would want you to take care of yourself. Please do!