My mother-in-law insisted she wanted to live with us so she sold her home, moved hundreds of miles away from all her friends and other relatives, and now complains and mopes around all day. What can I do for her?

Jun 27, 2011

Do we give her sympathy or just ignore her. We warned her it would be like this so it's hard not to feel bitter that we now have an extra responsibility when we have just retired and wanted to spend this time to do the things we want to do. She is 85 years old and uses a cane.

linda09

Jun 27, 2011

wonder if she would like to go to the adult care place . where she could do something fun with people her age ? take her out drivin around go back to the old hometown and enjoy it there ?
when my pa is deathly bored i take him out drivin around and he realy likes that . play the disc of his fav music and go curising around , since he refuses to go to adult daycare . so . keep him busy jammin music and enjoy the ride ...

Helpful Answer (1)

NancyH

Jun 27, 2011

Does she have the capacity to go back for a visit on her own? Does she have anyone that she can stay with for a week or whatever? Sounds like she's homesick.

cmagnum

Jun 27, 2011

Why did your husband and you ever agree to this? Sounds like she just wanted to intrude upon your life right at the time you were looking forward to. Has she tried things like this in the past? Possibly she regrets this choice and can't say so, but if realistically possible should go back home where her friends are. Otherwise, it is like she is punishing ya'll for her choice.

Helpful Answer (1)

DebbieCakes

Jun 27, 2011

She needs to make friends! Aren't there any older ladies in the area that you could introduce her to? Perhaps from church or just anyone you know from anywhere. Is she physically able to carry out normal tasks? If so, maybe she could even go visit a senior home and help out there. She could make a few friends that way and who knows, she might decide to stay! lol.

KathyPr

Aug 3, 2011

Go with her and visit a few Senior Day facilities and Senior Centers, maybe she will be willing to give them a try. My Mom has lived with me for 16 years and then my father-in-law came to live with us, it was hard at first, just like it would be for anyone. Remember how hard it was for our children when they are out of school for the summer, "I'm Board!!!!".

We checked out all the senior faclities in the area, my Mom went to a Adult Day Care, she needed medical supervision and my father-in-law went to the local Senior Center and really enjoyed going on the senior trips. Neither of them wanted to go at first but I suggested they give it a try and they agreed. This saved me from always being their activity director.

I also planned short excursions for them, out to dinner, church, trips to store, until they started getting lost. I found a short trip would wear them out and they would need to rest giving me time to go out and get some things down without them.

We made trips to visit family and we even made a wonderful trip to England on the Queen Mary II. I just had to organize and arranged for help with two wheelchairs and bags.

I even found a bridge club for my Mom to join. I also gave them household chores to do, clean their rooms, do their own laundry, Mom cleaned their bathroom, of course this was when they were able. Does she like to cook, maybe she would like to prepare a meal for the family. Good luck