What can I do if I am having a hard time dealing with my mom's temper trantrums?

Hey Katie.
I'm so sorry your mom has tantrums so often. That is really tough to deal with. You asked about resources....well, THIS is a good website for you, and I"m glad you're reaching out. I've done searches for dementia and alzheimer's and read a lot about what is happening in folks' brains when they have this disease. That has helped me realize how my mom isn't choosing her behavior most of the time. That doesn't mean the behavior doesn't bother me. But somehow it helps me to have knowledge of what may be going on.
I believe your mom definitely CANNOT be talked out of her tantrums. When I resort to trying to reason with my mom, I've lost the battle. When she's in a delusional state, it means she is unable to reason. Period. Right now there are times when I can reason with her, but not when she is angry or delusional or in pain. People talk about finding out what is "beneath" the behavior, but I haven't gotten the knack of that yet. I just keep trying to distract by bringing up something completely unrelated or trying to get her into a different room....but often it won't work for an hour or 2. Eventually it usually does work. (Not sure what we'll do when distraction doesn't take hold for several hours rather than just the 1 or 2 hours).
How does she respond to talking about old times? Can you look at old pictures with her and encourage storytelling? This might help you stay connected with your mom as your mom. I wish I could find an article my mom gave to me 4 or 5 years ago written in first person by a woman imploring that her daughter remember that deep inside her would always be the little girl that loved to play dress up. When I'm at my most frustrated I picture my mom as a little girl on the farm with my G'ma and PaPa, and somehow it helps (well, sure, I cry sometimes when I do that, but it can help).
Wishing you peace and at least glimpses of joy.

I too am struggling with my mom's behavior. She is rude and unkind to both of her sons. We are the ones who are taking the time and trouble to care for her. Her suspicion and frequent lack of appreciation for the things we do is beginning to wear us down. She wants to stay in her home. She needs lots of care to be able to do that and yet she treats us so unpleasantly. I don't think it is dementia because she is able to be polite and pleasant with everyone else. Sometimes she realiizes how mean she has been. Then she cries and says she doesn't know why she acts that way. BUT she doesn't actually apologize. She'll say "I'm sorry but sometimes a mother just has to say these things." Today while I was talking to the social worker on the phone. She told me to " stop talking"
I am losing patience. Sometimes I just want to walk away. Any suggestions about maintaining a love an compassion for her will be welcomed. Charlie

Charlie, I am sorry to hear this. For I am going thru the same thing. My mom is at home. I find myself at times seeing her as my mom, yet most of the time I see her, she has the body of my mom, but she is gone. So what I tell myself is this.................This is your mom's body...But the person you knew as your mom is gone...She is. She is not my mom. My mom would never let herself go as she has....So i have to pick up the slack and give her a bath, cook for her, keep her clothes clean, etc. I know there has been days I did not want to get up...Scared she will be gone or going thru another psycotic episode...I can not handle those and I was a nurse. However, I have always made it clear, " I am not a gereactrics person" And I am not. Hon the way I see it simple.......
That is the woman you loved all your life.....But is that person alive or is it just a body that has not chosen to shut down yet? When I can say the latter, I have no emotions. My pastor says I have hit acceptace...perhaps I have. But I stay in my room with my dogs and hold on tight to the angels that are everywhere, and the Lord to pull me thru it. I did not help I know. But do not feel guilty....Perhaps my Pastor is correct....We have hit acceptace...I used to get angry with her cause she had this. But then I reallized She can not help plaque is building in her brain. Her voice is still with me, her body is still with me....But her mind is gone. So hang in there. You will know soon how come you feel like you do....Just know you are not alone. Yeah like that helps. But that is all I have to offer you. My time and understanding.....HUGS TO YOU.....SHARON

Thank you Sharon,
I will pray for you. Mom is still very present, she bathes, gets her hair done and so on. so I think my road is easier than yours. Your words have helped me to find gratitude for what is still here . God and all of his angels are indeed looking after you. I wish you peace/ One thing I do know is that when this is over we will not regret the time we spent and the things we did.
If I did not do for her now, I would regret it as long as I live
Hugs back Charlie

Charlie, Glad I could help. There are no cut and dry answers to this...NONE. Do not let anyone tell you there are. There are not. It is not an easy thing to do or watch...My dad died from cancer and that I had rather watch than this. This is no cut and dry desease. I am just glad your mom is still functioning...One thing I have learned....If they want to or not...We have to be their voice and make them get up and do things it would be easier to lay in bed and not do....I do not let momma tell me she can't.... I tell her yes you can..Now get up I will be beside you but you are not going to use this as an excuse not to do what I know you can do...Get up and let's go.....I honestly think that has kept her with me and moving more....Because I insist that she do it.....If she acts like she can not remember...I remind her you remember at night....Now no let's go...
She does....So I honestly feel that is why she is still moble....So keep that in mind...I am here if you ever need to talk..Okay? Hugs to you...Sharon