My 87-year-old dad is a doctor and knows that he is deaf but refuses hearing aids. How do I convince him to wear them?

I use to think with my Mother that it was vanity that kept her from wearing her hearing aids, and at first that was part of it, but I think Carol is right when she mentioned at his age it may be hard getting use to them. My mom likes her quiet world, she says everything is too loud with them in. She use to wear just wear one in the ear closest to where I'd sit next to her, so you may have him try that. Now I just talk her into wearing them when we go to the doctor so she can answer his questions. With her dementia, she doesn't remember how to put them on, adjust the volume or turn them off. Best Wishes!

I think that sometimes the hearing aid noise bothers, that is what my Dad always said. He said there was so much background noise. I would encourage him to try and understand how hard it is to feel like you are yelling at him. My Father always had to be looking at me to hear me... He read lips. I think it is hard when our loved ones cannot hear us. take care, J

Thank you Carol for your kind reply. My dad at 87 still has his medical practice. God bless him! However, all those around him including his employees, his siblings and other family members have brought this matter up to him. He is aware of his hearing loss. Since he still drives, I've made it clear that he needs his 5 senses to safe in driving. Also, I need to use contact lenses. I'm practically blind without them. I tell my dad that we all need or will need some health instruments to assist our well being sooner or later. All to no avail.

Without malice or planning, I have found that I no longer speak to my dad. I just let him talk. Then I reflected, it's frustrating to be repeating yourself 2 out 3 mid sentences. If I raise my voice, I'm told "don't shout at me".

I read the letters of others with parents responding in the same fashion as my dad. Is it vanity? Denial of getting older? Pride? I have come to the conclusion that we as our parents' children need to be humble and tolerant and realize that this is their reality. We have to accept them as they are just as they had to accept us with all of our growing up conflicts.

Once more Carol, thank you for your thoughts and thank all of you for your honesty and expression to the community that this problem is not unique.

Best wishes to all,

Roland

I am totally deaf and have been that way since I was three. It's a misconception that you have to hear in order to drive safely. I am now 61 and have been driving since I was 19 and have an excellent driving record. We use our eyes. Also you don't need all 5 senses to stay sharp in mind. Anyway, lots of people who have hearing loss due to old age are embarrassed to wear hearing aids which I think is unfortunate, but that's the way they are. Make sure your dad doesn't want it because of his choice, not because he's embarrassed. If he just isn't interested in wearing one, not much you can do. Hearing aids don't help every one with hearing loss. It depends. I used to wear them when I was younger, but now I don't because my hearing range is now very low.

If your Dad is still in medical practice, you might raise the prospect of liability with him: if he can't hear all his patients are saying, he could miss something important. If he isn't a solo practitioner, perhaps his partners could help make the case. This is a point which goes beyond vanity to one of his core values: caring for others. It's a shame you have to give up speaking to him, but I totally understand. I have observed, in myself, that some days I don't have the resilience to do all my Dad needs done AND repeat myself every sentence because he won't wear his hearing aids. But, on those days, I'm doing the best I can. So are you. In the end, our parents make choices which make them feel more in control of their live, even as those choices actually narrow the life they have in the moment. I'm taking notes for my future self, and hope the me then will believe the me now. Good luck to you!

Would you believe that older people don't want to wear a hearing aid because they think it makes them look old? The noise does bother them, but it won't get better if they don't wear them to get used to the noise. They learn to "tune out," just as hearing people do. You may have to refuse to talk with your dad until he puts in his hearing aids. And the liability issue is a good one, because he doesn't know what he's not hearing. The nurse might ask the patient's permission to tape the session with the doctor to make sure he was hearing correctly, otherwise, he could prescribe the wrong medication if he has not heard the patient's symptoms correctly. You may need to check with the company who carries his liability insurance and get their advice.

My sister and I bought our 87 year old Dad hearing aids. The first week he wore them they fell out; once while he was golfing (he found them in the parking lot) and once while he was at his exercise class (he found them on the ground next to him). They were adjusted to fit better but now he won't wear them to golf or to exercise, when I call him he can't hear me very well because he doesn't have his hearing aids in (but he thinks he can hear just fine). Any suggestions? Maybe contact the audiologist to follow up with him?