How many caregivers can remember your parents providing care for their parents?

My mother took in my grandmother when other family members did not step up. My grandmother was not an "easy" person to care for. I grew up watching my grandmother belittle her daughters while praising her absentee sons. It was stressful for her to deal with a aging mom, husband, and children all who wanted her undivided attention.

My mother is MUCH easier to care for than was her mother. I am very thankful for that.

The one thing that has changed is the "system." Seems like there is much more red tape now and more "warehousing" of seniors than there was when I was little. Also, seniors are living longer; so I see more incidents of dementia and other more serious, lingering and debilitating illnesses.

my moms parents lived in germany and died there, my husbands parents died early - heart attach in their 50's- and i agree i get so sick at heart when the parents are always more interested in the absentee child who doesnot give a hoot- i am glad your mom is easy- my mom is too so far - only been 2 weeks though- sometmes she knows who i am sometimes does not

I just saw this thread.

My fathers dad passed a long time ago. I never met him, but his mother I do remember her. She lived with my aunt right up until the day she died, come to think of it. She wasn't ill that I can remember, gosh it was so long ago, and I think she died at 78. My dad would always take me over there and I can still see her looking at me with those deep Indian eyes. I think between he, my uncle, and my aunt they took really good care of her but it was my aunt whom she lived with.

My moms parents lived on the East Coast and I remember they lived in a big old house with a well in the back yard. I can hear "papa" telling me "stay away from that well gal", like it was yesterday. My mother said he told everybody that although no one ever fell in. When he died we went back for the funeral.

My moms mother died a few years later, still living in that same house with the well. She lived on her own, and never got sick, just died peacefully in her sleep.

No as for as my mom she never took care of her parents, she actually lived 3000 miles from them.

Hey this is a nice thread. Took me back a bit. Thanks Nutz.

hey Nutz,

Pamela's right. Nice thread!

My grandma (mom's mom) had 11 kids and lived in Michigan while we lived in NJ. As I was told, Grandma had some dementia and she came to see us in nj and would stay for maybe 6 -8 weeks. Mom would take her out and get her new clothes, etc. Grandma visited all over where her kids wound up and when she got to where she didn't want to travel anymore, my mom's s-i-l did most of the work even though there were other children right there.
I still remember that my aunt got crap from other members of the 'family' but she was the one who went to Grandma's and changed out a lightbulb, brought all the groceries, etc.

Grandma had a heart attack, went from her home to the hospital and died there a few days later.

I tis true that medical science these days is keeping people alive longer who would normally pass away due to something or another and the dementia is more prevalent because we have meds for heart issues, etc that make the body last, but not the mind.

lovbob

HEy Y'all thanks for the comments, I was very curious... I dunno It just seemed that when I was young, most people didn't die @ home, rather in the hospitals. Gosh, I cant remember my parents or any of my aunts or uncle ( all ten of my mothers siblings) taking care of their parents or inlaws. Maybe it is the technology that is causing us to have a longer life span and changing circumstances.
Technology is a wonderful thing, but sometimes even though we can, one often doesn't stop to ask if we SHOULD! I think im going to continue my bad habits. Im gonna erase all those wonderful years @ the end. NO THANKS. * can someone please pass me the Krispy Creams ? with a side of lard?

omg I love KrispyKreme.

You know, I'm kind of the same way. I don't want to live to 90 if I'm crapping my pants. I figure i've got maybe 10 years to go if I'm lucky and that's why I'm obsessed with the boat.

I'm actually here licking my chops thinking about KrispyKreme. i am pathetic.

lovbob

My mom, as an only child, had to move her mom from another state to live with her and my dad. Mom and gma had never gotten along so you can imagine. Mom made gma's life a living hell. Felt sorry for gma, wished I could've taken her. To this day, my mom has never shed a tear over gma but I have.
Dad's 7 sibs pitched in, built my grandma a little house in one daughter's backyard,hired a caretaker plus all took turns on weekends and showered grandma with love and respect. She eventually had to go to a nh,died there. I'll always remember dad and his siblings pulling together. Too bad my absentee sister doesn't remember. Of course, she's the one my mom favors. It's puzzling to me.
90 with crappy pants and a hateful attitude, please God, NO!

My mother mentions that her mother cared for HER bedbound mother for many years. Assume Mom was a child then. Mom's mother herself got colon cancer and Mom brought her into her home, with FT nurse I believe, for a few months before brief stay in nursing home. Both grandfathers dropped dead of heart attack. My Dad's grandmother was independent until ovarian cancer was discovered, then it was quick nursing home stay before she died. We never went to nursing home.

I did visit Mom's mother a few times in the nursing home (I was 19 perhaps), but she was delirious and didn't know what was going on.
I probably stayed only a few moments. Looking back, I was pretty shallow then. Now I would have sat with her regardless and been by her side in her final hours. Made sure she had a pastor visit her. Brought her photos from home. I don't think my mother was very hands on with my grandma, as grandma had done a shocking thing and ran off with a preacher man when Mom was a child.

I was around Mom's mother more when grandma lived at Mom's house for those few months, and I was "honored" to hear her tell the story of the day her second husband died a few years before. That was the man, the preacher man she had run off with, we always considered Grandpa.

goinnutz, I hear ya!!

Let's switch this around a bit. Who do you think will care for you when the time comes. ME? Nobody. No children. The two deadbeat sisters actually didn't consider this when they plotted to abandon me with Mom when she got older.

"You didn't have any children, so it's YOUR turn to suffer!" That's the sort of thoughtless peashooter mind insult you sling in the middle of an argument. But the two deadbeats kept repeating it in person and emails (and they are grown up people now!). Finally one of them wrote me that they'd been griping about my single lifestyle all along, decades, and had this curse on me.

Yeah, my single lifestyle: on boards of nonprofits, cofounder of a healing arts center, headed a drug abuse prevention task force, community building committees, interviewing the brightest minds in the world. Hey, I knew someone who was on Elisabeth Kubler Ross's hospice team. Left all that to care for Mom, who makes no viable contribution to society any more.

So Mom is not the Curse of my choice: it's that I will do all this for her (reaching 8 full years), yet have no one to care for me. I imagine there are a lot of single, no-children women out there who got stuck as caregiver. And they are wondering when they'll be rewarded...with the possiblity of NEVER, not for you. Heaven maybe. "You're earning good karma," as my mom's Public Guardian told me. Whut about this lifetime?