Please don't laugh at me---I am in my late fifties and when I moved in to my mother's house it was 12 years ago, after she had had a terrible stroke. My two younger sisters pointed out that since I was a widow and had no children, I would be the best person to move into her house and take care of her. So I did---I love my mother very much----I quit my job and moved across the state to take care of her.
I took a job which I had for 8 years, where she could still take care of herself during the day---then got laid off as the whole department was transferred to another country. She is getting more need for help and, in a particularly depressed area in the south, there were no jobs to look for anyway--I am partially handicapped from a car wreck many years ago, and face some movement limitations.
And I am so lonely!!!!!!! I grew up here, but have been away for 30 years except for visits, and anyone I knew is now long gone. So no women to hang out with----and what would we walk about since I have no job, no husband, no children, and Lord help us, no grandchildren. But worst of all, I miss male companionship. When my only outlet is church it is a little hard to find eligible men---and I am not able to do all those single book things about joining clubs, volunteeering, etc, etc, because I am TAKING CARE OF MY MOTHER!!
Forgive my bluntness, but I have not had sex in 15 years---and maybe, in my late 50's I should be giving up on that anyway, but I feel my heart and soul is turning to ice. Please don't tell me that I am awful person to feel this way, or that being married is better than being in a bad marriage---I see people in bad marriages that I envy deeply. And I am not ugly, but I am an average looking woman----any man my age who might be attracted to a woman my age could do much better. Also, I am in a small town with TWO women's colleges, filled with lovely young girls who sweep up the old men as well as the young men---an I suppose, who can blame the men.
But I like awake at night, working on the computer, or finishing my Bible study and thinking, "I cannot live with human touch anymore. I can't do it." But then--what do I do?
I am so sorry for the high drama sound of all this but if anyone could help me at all I would be so grateful----I am afraid of what I might do. Just please don't tell me to pray---I do that all the time anyway. Thank you so much in advance