Assisted living and nursing homes are so expensive, does anyone have any suggestions for alternative places?

Hi Karen, As a friend always says, getting older isn't for sissies. Nor is the care giving aspect! Tell me where you live - - - $3000 sounds like a bargain. My mom is in a memory care AL and the bill is $7100/month.

The least expensive solution I am aware of is to hire live in help. It provides one on one care and she gets to stay in her own home. That may work for a while and puts off the move to an AL.

If she or her husband was a veteran, there may be benefits available there. As you spend down her assets, she may become eligible for medicaid at some point.

As part of my search, I did find a group home for memory care. 15 residents in the home. I wasn't impressed with the one I saw and it was the only one in the area.

These are the best ideas I can come up with, perhaps others will have more ideas. Good luck.

Live in help can be more expensive than AL. We experimented with keeping with my mom in her home with Visiting Angels and 24/7 care was $90,000 a year! Needless to say that lasted about a month.

When we moved her in with us, local and good respite care was $15.00 an hour. My parents were 'grasshoppers' socking away every cent, something we've never been able to do with the cost of everything, but mom's got a good nest egg....for awhile.

Her AL place is a little under six thousand a month. She's in relatively good health and only 75 so I expect at some time, we'll run out. We're also very middle class, often living paycheck to paycheck so I understand. We certainly couldn't even approach affording mom's bill.

When you say she doesn't qualify for medicaid, does that mean she takes in too much a month? My mom has SS and a small pension. I look forward to reading other people's answers. This stuff is not easy!

Karen, check to see if you have any Adult Foster Care homes in the area. We had really good luck with them, and it's usually cheaper. Not a whole lot cheaper, but still....

Sorry but I think the average for AL is around 50K a year. So what you are quoting is really not so bad. It all is really expensive. If your Mom has any money it will soon be gone and prepare yourself for applying for Medicaid. I just don't know if there is any cheaper alternative.

I have a neighbor whose wife had a stroke. They are in their 80's and were very active. She went into a nursing home and required rehab. It was 10K a month. She is now home with no improvement. Someone comes into her home. All of this expensive. Just unfortunate. Good Luck to You

I have been where you are and it is going to be a long road but you can do it.
My father has utilized in home aid, moved on to assisted living and now a skilled nursing care. I have found when we got him placed in a particular facility the staff were more open to discuss options.
If you or another family member is the primary care giver you can "charge" for those duties. Helps to spend down the funds but keep it in the family.

The sooner you get her assets out of her name the better. Speak with an elder care attorney.

Be prepared if you attempting VA and Medicaid. Although they will back pay the process is long and grueling. Try to go face to face with either of those facilities. It helps.

I wish you the best. You are doing the right thing.

Hang in there.

Wow that NH/AL is a bargain. Most NH for basic services & R & B is 65K annual.

Why doesn't she qualify for Medicaid?

If it is that every month she is over her states's Medicaid income limit BUT not enough to pay in full for the NH and she qualifies for NH in every other way?? Then she can see an elder care attorney to do a "Miller Trust" or a "Special Needs Trust". Say mom gets 1K from SS and 1,500K from retirement every month. Her monthly income is $2,500. So basically she is $ 500 over the state's ceiling for monthly income. No matter what she does is always is $500 over. So this excess $ 500 is what funds the trust. The beneficiary of the trust is the state or the state's Medicaid program and upon death reverts to the state. Miller really has to be done by an attorney who does elder law as it needs to be flexible/adaptable and meet the criteria of each state's law on probate (death laws) & Medicaid rules.

Medicaid is a federal/state needs based entitlement program (and very different than how Medicare & SS are done as they are federally structured entitlement programs).Because it is needs based what was done with assets in the 5 yr window prior to Medicaid application is central to qualifying. Medicaid is designed as a safety-net for low income who can show both financial and medical necessity for long term care. The monthly income & asset ceilings and how assets are dealt with after death is set by each state.

Because Medicaid is needs-based, doing a 5 yr look-back on the applicants assets is critical for the states to operate the program. If everyone was able to transfer all of our parents assets, empty out their accounts today, spend monthly retirement and SS on nonNH stuff and put them into a NH tomorrow paid 100% by the state the system couldn't afford it and they wouldn't have any NH to go to.
Medicaid compliance is all about either doing planning OR spending your share until &/OR unless you are impoverished. Medicaid gets to the heart of the issue of who should pay for long-term care -- the public through the tax-supported Medicaid program, or users of long-term care through their personal resources, including
those after death. Good luck!

excellent answer igloo.

Wow, the NH my Mom is in is over $ 12,000. a month. She had money in the bank and we are using it to pay the NH each month. Once it gets down to Medicaid standards we will be paying someone to apply for her. It is not an easy process here in NY.

Thanks so much for all of your posts. Here are my answers to your questions:

I live in Roanoke, VA. I was told that if she were to share a room with someone at AL it would be $3,500 per month. If she had a room of her own, it would be $4,700 a month. Although I appreciate all of the responses about how "inexpensive" this is, it's not. It's ridiculously expensive. To only provide a room and 3 meals a day for that price is crazy. It does not include anything like medication monitoring etc. It's extra for that.

Neither her nor my wonderful father are veterans.

When I say she doesn't qualify for Medicaid I say that because my dad working his little tiny butt off and squirreled away every penny he got. He worked very hard to accumulate a small nest egg for my mom. She owns her own house and I'm pretty sure that that may qualifies as an asset that would need to be sold.

she probably gets about $1400 in SS and a few hundred more from a couple of pensions from my dad working.

She also has some stocks. And I am guessing that stocks count as assets also?
And now....be prepared for my rant. Hey, you were warned!

I find it DISGUSTING that hard working folks like my dad who worked for decades and gave THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of dollars to the US government through taxes, get screwed at the end. What the hell is the point of working so damn hard and saving and saving and buying a house and paying your taxes like a dutiful American if at the end of it all the woman who you did all this for (in this case, my mother) has to sell the home and become poverty stricken in order to get any assistance? So either way the greedy ass government gets theirs, right?!!

I have another family member who does nothing with her life. Accumulated nothing. Owns nothing. A big giant lazy ass. And when the time comes for her to go to AL, she won't have to pay a dime. Great incentive to work!

Oh, I feel SO much better now. Thanks!!

I wish there was a federal standard for Nursing home care. In our state, AL just provides 3 meals a day(dining room only) and room, no medicines or help. This sounds rather independent to me and our state does have independent facilities. If they give medicines or help dressing, they charge extra. If they require even a little extra help(they give points), they want to move them into NH. The next state over provides help dressing & undressing, breakfast in the room among other things in their AL. If I had known this sooner, I would have put her in another state as it was cheaper too. I don't see how a facility can claim to be AL when they do not provide any Assistance. I really thing federal regulation is needed.