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How do you deal with being the single sister caring for you mother full-time while your other sisters is living her happily married life?

Asked by lcs | Jul 20, 2009

Jacqueline, I couldn't believe that, in addition to your other suggestions, you didn't suggest that the married sister should either travel the 1000 miles and buy her single sister a well-deserved holiday or else PAY for someone to care for the mother while the single sister went on a holiday paid for by the married sister. Surely at some time in the six years, the married sister had taken holidays. Did she ever think of taking her single sister's place during some of those holidays??
And how patronizing to suggest that the married sister ask her single sister for advice "even if you don't really need it".
My advice to the happily married sister running a successful business would be to get off her butt and give her single sister some relief!!! If she truly can't be there and since she runs such a successful business, then she can afford to hire someone to relieve her single sister. Do something practical about feeling "so guilty".

Answers 1 to 3 of 3

lisam

Give a Hug

Sep 17, 2009

I am a single sister too and have always lived with my Mom and it has been wonderful ... until now. Her aging is hard on me to see and deal with each day. I should treasure the times we have together but sadly I do not. I feel sad and distressed. I have 1 sister and 3 brothers who never call to talk with her and ask her how she is. That frustrates me but they don't worry because I am here. I do get away and she can care for herself but my depression returns the day I return home to face it again. I am not sure if I could handle this if she lived to be 90 when it is so hard and she is 88 now.

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ginger123

Give a Hug

Sep 18, 2009

My favorite six words, "Call me if you need me!! Makes me want to hit a wall with my fist but I just try to laugh it off. Bless their pea-picking hearts, they just don't know any better, right?

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SecretSister

Give a Hug

Sep 18, 2009

Anytime I need help in mom and dad's abandoned house downstate, she tells me she doesn't have time. She told me she was available on Labor Day, but that never materialized. She did come once, washed a small entry way, and loaded her car with antiques. Funny, she has time to procure items for herself, but not for any work.

Furthermore, she's had two extensive trips out west to see her daughter, while I've done everything else. I've asked my sister to let Mom come "for a visit." She tells me, "I have a headache that day."

Right now, she's attending a funeral for her deceased 21 year old daughter in another state. She said I can bring her to the second funeral/memorial service (9 hours away), but doesn't want Mom in her house. She can't she "can't deal with her drama." So...guess what? I won't be taking mom to the funeral at all. We grieve the loss, but also sis' relationship with mom (and ourselves). Sometimes people can just be self-serving and inconsiderate.

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